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Original poster

Would you let her go.

36 replies

Generalpost · 14/08/2021 15:26

Dd turned 11 in July just left year 6. Where I live is quite rough. So I don't really want her playing on the area if I can help it .

She went to school a 20 Min bus ride away. There are a couple nice parks there. All her friends live close by as they all went to the same school. I'm not able to drop her of or pick her up. So would you let an 11 year old travel 20 mins to a better area to play with her friends in the park/around the estate etc. She would have to be home by 6pm.

She does not have a phone (not allowed ) that's a different story but I do have her friends under so can communicate via her .

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GoodnightGrandma · 14/08/2021 15:27

Yes, as she does the journey anyway for school.

Galassia · 14/08/2021 15:28

Yes. Teaching them to be independent and streetwise is vital.

Do the journey with her on the bus as a practice and point out anything that if the bus broke down etc what to do.

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 15:34

@GoodnightGrandma

Yes, as she does the journey anyway for school.
Shes normally with me as I take her siblings to the same school. But September she gos to a different school and she will have to do that alone . So yes she got to go bus journeys anyway
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flameycakes · 14/08/2021 15:35

Only if she had a phone, and had times to check in. If you don't want her to have Internet one, maybe one that just texts and rings.

NuffSaidSam · 14/08/2021 15:36

Yes.

But I would get her a phone. A £10 one that only does calls is fine, but I'd want her to be able to contact me if needed. Presumably her friend won't be on the bus with her? Or might go home/not be there one day.

pinkmoon18 · 14/08/2021 15:37

I would but with a phone

MoiraNotRuby · 14/08/2021 15:40

What's the plan if there is a problem? I would be concerned that she can't call you, and you can't go and get her.

The dangers that exist in 'rough areas' also happen in nice parks.

I would let her go on the bus to a friend's house but not to a random park.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/08/2021 15:50

Not without a phone, no.

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 16:09

@MoiraNotRuby

What's the plan if there is a problem? I would be concerned that she can't call you, and you can't go and get her.

The dangers that exist in 'rough areas' also happen in nice parks.

I would let her go on the bus to a friend's house but not to a random park.

She will be going to the friends house and then to the park together. The friend has a phone. The bus stops outside friends house.
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JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 14/08/2021 16:11

I’ll be the first one to say it. Get the poor girl a phone. She is going to be the only child in her year 7 class without one.

pinkmoon18 · 14/08/2021 16:14

So what happens when she's on the bus and walking home alone?
Surely you'll worry and want to know she's ok regardless of being with friends etc.
She needs a phone.

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 16:14

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

I’ll be the first one to say it. Get the poor girl a phone. She is going to be the only child in her year 7 class without one.
She did have a phone. I had to take it away for safety reasons
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Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 16:20

@pinkmoon18

So what happens when she's on the bus and walking home alone? Surely you'll worry and want to know she's ok regardless of being with friends etc. She needs a phone.
Yes I worry very much. Whilst she is with the friend I can easy contact her. Friend will see her on the bus. Bus stop is outside her house . Once she's on the bus I know takes around 20 mins. I live very close to the local heigh Street. So it's busy and stea not walking on quite streets . The bus stops at the bottom of my road.
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Roseshavethorns · 14/08/2021 16:25

I would get her a cheap phone and give it to her when she is going to meet her friends and take it back when she gets home. What if something happens at home and you need to contact her to change arrangements?

jackstini · 14/08/2021 16:25

She needs a very basic 'can only call you or 999' phone at the very least

Can you elaborate on safety issues? It will be v hard for her to be the only year 7 without one

I'm honestly finding it hard to balance you being ok with 20 min bus and different town on her own is safe, but having a phone is not. (But appreciate it may be something very specific)

pinkmoon18 · 14/08/2021 16:27

Agree she needs a basic phone to contact you and vice versa.
She's not with her friend the whole time.
Anything can change within 20/30 mins tbh

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 16:43

Ok everyone keeps saying I should give her at least a basic phone. I was hoping I did not have to say anything as I don't want the thread to turn into something it's not meant to be. But the reason dd can't have a phone is because (twice ) I caught her talking to a much older teenager possibly over 18 but also a definite adult who was the older teenagers friend. She was referring to him as her boyfriend. I even found a message telling her to take the phone in the bath with her. From what I saw of the messages she did say no. But of course that's not the point . She screamed and cried for days when I took her phone away . (Police were contacted ect) I did not let her have her phone for 3 months. Then we spoke about it and I let her have the phone back told her I will be doing random checks . And I caught her doing it again. So I took it away again. I think its been about 9 months now since she's has a phone I have lost track of the time to be honest.

I did speak to her a month or so back about getting it back but she did not make much effort to reassure me she would not do it again. I told her until she can give me some reassurance that she won't do it again she can't have a phone. She does not seen bothered at all about not having one . I asked if she was bothered and she said not really. I think she may feel differently when she starts year 7 though.

The just calls and text Seems a good idea but there's nothing to stop her giving bothered number to people she should not.

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NuffSaidSam · 14/08/2021 16:49

Well, given that backstory do you think she can be trusted to do a 20 min bus journey on her own, hang out in a park with friends and then 20 minute bus ride home?

Do you think predatory people are only on the phone?!

If you can't trust her with a phone then you can't trust her out alone yet either. I hope she's getting some external support with this issue.

For future reference, you can have a 'family' phone that she has only when she's out and you keep it otherwise.

pinkmoon18 · 14/08/2021 16:52

The fact that that's happened would make me want to get her a calls only phone even more tbh.
You can take it off her when she gets back in the house.

Hoppinggreen · 14/08/2021 16:55

Given the back story no I wouldn’t let her go

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 16:56

@NuffSaidSam

Well, given that backstory do you think she can be trusted to do a 20 min bus journey on her own, hang out in a park with friends and then 20 minute bus ride home?

Do you think predatory people are only on the phone?!

If you can't trust her with a phone then you can't trust her out alone yet either. I hope she's getting some external support with this issue.

For future reference, you can have a 'family' phone that she has only when she's out and you keep it otherwise.

I get what your saying . But I can't keep her locked up. And I can't pick her up and drop her to school . So she's going to have to do the sane route to abd from school on her own every day
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Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 17:00

@pinkmoon18

The fact that that's happened would make me want to get her a calls only phone even more tbh. You can take it off her when she gets back in the house.
Yes if I gave her a phone that's definitely the type I would give her. But then she could still give the number out.

It's very hard because part of me does not want to let her out because of this. But I also have to let her out to travel to and from school

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Laburnam · 14/08/2021 17:00

If there is a trust issue I would wait until you feel more confident, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put trust into using a friend as a point of contact anyway. What if that friend doesn’t go to the park, or leaves early meaning your DD is hanging out with other friends? When she gets to high school it will be v embarrassing for her to be receiving texts etc via friends phones.

romdowa · 14/08/2021 17:04

You can get phones that can only call programmed numbers, might be a better idea for her until she matures a bit and you can trust her.

Original poster
Generalpost · 14/08/2021 17:04

@Laburnam

If there is a trust issue I would wait until you feel more confident, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put trust into using a friend as a point of contact anyway. What if that friend doesn’t go to the park, or leaves early meaning your DD is hanging out with other friends? When she gets to high school it will be v embarrassing for her to be receiving texts etc via friends phones.
Yes that's very true. With everything you said . I think she will be embarrassed. I think she will notice phones are a thing once she hits year 7.
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