Are teenagers allowed to just do 'nothing' these days?

[Snozz2828]

DS is 13 (just finished year 8). When I was his age the summer holidays were spent with my mates, a group of about 4 of us. Parents all working and we'd just knock for eachother and spend our time on bike rides, we'd walk into town for a swim, go to the park, catch frogs, sunbathe, just generally be busy doing nothing. We'd all be away on holiday at some point too with our families but never more than a couple of weeks.

I was looking forward to taking a step back from entertaining DS once he got to this age but despite having about 8 friends to call on they're never free! They all go on multiple holidays and when they're not on holiday they're having family days out or days out with their mum's and mum's friend's kids or their cousins.

Most of the mums seem to not work during the summer holidays and a few of the kids parents are separated which explains why they spend 4 out of the 6 weeks away on holiday.

Just wondered if this is the norm these days? DS is trying his best to get out and about but his mates just aren't available and they always have to check with parents first. None of them live within knocking distance so u understand things have to be prearranged. I'm just a but sad that he's not having the same care free summers that I enjoyed.

Summer holidays definitely do seem to be more structured and organised now with lots of days out and multiple trips away. I find I have to arrange stuff with DS' friends with at least 2 weeks notice and we only manage ok average one meet up a week.

My DS is much younger but I expect it will continue when he gets older.

My Ds is 13 and I assumed would be out all the time once he hit teenage years but he never seems to meet up with his friends in the holidays. They seem to either be on their Xbox on with their families. It's depressing and weird imo. I'm a sahm with a younger child. Quite honestly being around my teen 24/7 is killing me!

Think it depends on your socio economic background to some degree... On the estates I've lived on kids are ALWAYS out all day all summer. I don't see this so much in wealthier areas - maybe because parents have funds for structured activities and holidaying?

Perhaps it is a combination of playing out no longer being the norm and longer working hours meaning families want to do days out etc to make the most of their time off. More disposable income as well I guess.

Well I'm pleased to hear it's not just me finding this weird.

BeansMeansBeans I think this might have something to do with it actually. I lived on an estate growing up and my parents had nothing to do with my social life really. We also now live on an estate but the kids in DS's classes are mainly all from well off families.

Their time seems to be constantly filled with expensive trips and activities. We just can't keep up with that.

I'm not sure what I can do about it really. Maybe as they get older the kids will want to break away from their families a but.

Yes 13 is still fairly young. By 15/16 they will probably prefer time with friends to family.

@Snozz2828 can he not make friends on the estate? Easier said than done sometimes, but then at least then he would be able to go around and knock on doors without needing you to drive him to his friends' houses? Which must be tiring for you, anyway...

I don't see how pre-arrangeing to spend time with a friend is less structured than arranging a day out or family activity - neither situation is really the unstructured hanging around you've described. Is it not that you've just left it a bit late and friends are already booked up? I think at 13 you have to just leave them to it a bit tbh.

What about suggesting to your dc to invite some friends to sleepover? Less chance of clashing with days out, and most families like to offer of a child free night.

The summer I was 13 I got myself a job in a hotel serving bar food. that was 23 years ago though 😆

He did play out a lot when he was younger but none of the kids are the same age as him so he's reached the stage where the older kids have moved on and he doesn't want to hang out with the younger ones which is understandable.

We'll just have to keep on as we are and hopefully it'll get better as he gets older. I feel guilty feeling like this but I'm so ready to take a step back from the social side. We spent a day with a school friend from primary and his mum yesterday and I found the whole thing absolutely exhausting. It was just weird, like a playdate with teenagers but at least the boys had fun. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes!

This may not apply to your son OP but I know my younger son (12) has found that his ‘friends’ are “busy” or “have to check with mum” when the reality is they just don’t want to see him. It’s a brush off. My older son doesn’t have this issue.

Stompythedinosaur it's not any different. This is my point really. The days of everyone being free all summer and just knocking for eachother and hanging out seem to be gone. Everything is now pre arranged, their time is all booked up with organised, expensive fun. I understand DS can't just go and knock for them but I did think his mates would be available through the holidays.

MotionActivatedDog sorry to hear that. From what I see on social media he's not getting the brush off and he does get invited to things through the year.

I wonder if the covid regulations relaxing have something to do with it. Maybe everyone's making up for lost time and these families have the money to take multiple holidays and expensive trips

This summer might be a bit different to normal though - I know so many people who are away quite a bit as they are doing the holiday they planned, plus thr going to visit family they didn't get to see earlier in the year. (Lots of people weren't comfortable with family staying until all double vaxxed etc).

Then lots of attractions and day trips that would have happened in previous holidays are only happening now, due to tickets finally being available without restrictions.

Next summer should be back to the 1/2 weeks away for most. But remember they only get 5.5 weeks so if your ds's friends are going on 2 holidays with separated parents, that doesn't leave a lot of free time anyway...

MotionActivatedDog sorry to hear that. From what I see on social media he's not getting the brush off and he does get invited to things through the year.

Ahh glad to hear that. Just thought it might be worth checking, just incase.

I am doing far more with my teens this Summer than in previous years, one of my kids even commented on it!
Just feel that they have missed out over the last few months, so maybe it’s the same case for your son’s friends.

Parents seem so terrified of.letti g the kids get bored now a days.
Always rushing them from places.to places and filling spare moments with "Stuff".

My daughter she not so lucky. I allow her to get bored regularly. I hope she learns to entertain herself. She is only 8 though.

I keep telling my teens to go out but they just want to hang out and be on screens. All their friends are the same.
I rejoiced when ds1 arranged to go to the cinema with his friends. They’ve been out and about but it’s mostly at my insistence.

I don't have a teen yet so can't comment, but I can say as a family we are seeing waaaaay more of family than we would normally this summer - we've all been separated for ages (many overseas) and have finally been able to reunite so it's been intense on the meetup front. Maybe there's a bit of that going on, plus holidays away.
I was in my local city today and there were plenty of groups of teenagers hanging about so I don't think it's over yet

I expected that DD and DS would have had the same kind of summer holidays as I did, pretty much as you describe you own, but I don’t think we let our kids do the same things at the same age as we did when we were younger. From the age of 9 or 10 I was away all day with friends on bikes etc, a lot of kids nowadays aren’t even allowed out of parents sight at that age.
What I will say though is that if my own experience is anything to go by then your DS will soon be going out, hanging out etc, Both my DCs and their circle of friends started around 15

but I think hanging out on bikes and catching frogs etc is only really possible now if you live in a certain kind of area like a village where everyone knows everyone and there aren't busy roads etc. Kids do do nothing, its just that the 21st century version is indoors on phones and games consoles. My DS (12) is like that. Due to geography, he couldn't just independently go and meet up with his mates, I'd have to drive him, prearranged etc. My DD is similar though she does other stuff than screens at home.

these days

🤢🤮

I didn't do much when I was that age during the summer either(3 fucking months of sunbaked hell stretching out like the Sahara) precisely because my parents were both working and we were not allowed to leave the flat without them. they didn't have money for summer camps or clubs.
occasionally we could have friends over or maybe spent a day or two with grandparents. otherwise summer holidays were just horrible.
(we did have a 2 week family holiday though)
that was almost 35 years ago.. so depending on what country you grew up in it's nothing you

if I had a computer or whatever I would've been on it all day. so I just read a lot. or was bored shitless

*it's nothing NEW

not nothing you. ffs

@Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear

Yes 13 is still fairly young. By 15/16 they will probably prefer time with friends to family.

It's not really though is it? I think kids are so mollycoddled...not to be out and about independently regularly until 15/16 seems ridiculous to me! Years ago people would be married and starting families a couple of years after being 16...teenagehood seems to be being stretched until they're mid twenties now!