Are teenagers allowed to just do 'nothing' these days?

[Snozz2828]

DS is 13 (just finished year 8). When I was his age the summer holidays were spent with my mates, a group of about 4 of us. Parents all working and we'd just knock for eachother and spend our time on bike rides, we'd walk into town for a swim, go to the park, catch frogs, sunbathe, just generally be busy doing nothing. We'd all be away on holiday at some point too with our families but never more than a couple of weeks.

I was looking forward to taking a step back from entertaining DS once he got to this age but despite having about 8 friends to call on they're never free! They all go on multiple holidays and when they're not on holiday they're having family days out or days out with their mum's and mum's friend's kids or their cousins.

Most of the mums seem to not work during the summer holidays and a few of the kids parents are separated which explains why they spend 4 out of the 6 weeks away on holiday.

Just wondered if this is the norm these days? DS is trying his best to get out and about but his mates just aren't available and they always have to check with parents first. None of them live within knocking distance so u understand things have to be prearranged. I'm just a but sad that he's not having the same care free summers that I enjoyed.

Ds (13) complains about going on day trips but once there he loves it. Today he was flying a kite on a beach then eating ice cream at an ice cream parlour. Beats sitting on a PC all summer.

Next few days he can be bored though as schools go back next week and we have bits and pieces to catch up on.

Throughout the holidays he has had days seeing his friends. They are local though. Easy for him to arrange plans himself.

Just depends where you live I think. My son is 11 and calls for friends to either walk up to McDonald’s or bike to the park. If it’s pocket money day it might be the cinema. However we live in a small-ish town where the beach, park, cinema are all 10 minutes away. If we lived in a big city where he would need to travel quite some way then I don’t think it would be quite like that.

Having said that dd is now 10 and doesn’t really call to play with friends. She likes going to ballet and seeing her friends there and at birthday parties but other than that she’s a bit of a home body and likes just chilling out.

It’s harder for your son if his friends are not local as well. Takes the spontaneous element of ‘I’m bored I’ll knock on for Jackson’ out of it.

We are so lucky we have what you described. A bit green outside the house and all the kids play for hours . They all knock on each other …

It’s amazing but I remind the kids how lucky they are. I do plan things and meet friend's etc but mostly they just want to go out and play . I would be lost without it !!!

Same here OP. I even suggested they camp, or do a hike, or even a picnic or get a bus to shops. My 13 yr old not a great organiser but his pals don’t seem to have plans but also not free to do things. They do cycle a couple of miles and meet at a pitch for football, but it’s not very often.

Bigbouncingbaby how old are your DC? We have a big green in front of our house. From ages 4-10 DS played out every evening after school, they'd have water fights, be in and out of eachothers houses, street rounders, biking up and down it was absolutely lovely but as I said previously, the older kids stopped playing out and DS doesn't want to go out and play with the young ones anymore (I guess he's one of the older ones too now!). Its just naturally come to an end.

Things have changed, roads are much busier, rolling news has put parents in a higher state of alert. And there’s more indoor entertainment. Sometimes as a child I just wanted to stay in a draw or watch tv but my mum insisted I go knock for local friends, sometimes it was fun, sometimes I was lumped with nasty bullies.

It sounds as if your ds needs to be encouraged to plan and learn to be more proactive, put himself out there a bit. It’s a skill and hard at first, I know. My dd is the same age. For the majority of time, she prearranges. She has been caught out rather like your ds, having nothing to do in the past so I now get on at her to organise stuff otherwise she’s moaning at me.

Luckily she has loads of friends. They like to organise pre arranged stuff eg going into town on the bus together to get their nails done, play mini golf etc and dd is often asked along. I am not well so I take her out alone sometimes. Other times she goes to friend’s, houses or they come here. I often have to drive her around as a lot of her friends and not very local.

She also has lots of sleep overs frequently wants to do something costly, ever full of ideas from the cinema to the local funfair. I try to deter this a fair bit as it’s costly and she should be bored sometimes. If she has nothing on, she organises seeing friends at the park. I also see my friend and her ds, who is the same age sometimes so she sees other kids most days. She’s an only.

My dc 14 and 15 have finally started going out! It's amazing!

They're school friends are like your dcs friends OP but I dragged mine to a local youth club with summer activities and they're never in anymore as they've made friends that go out.

Mine's either working or out with his mates. None of them appear to be going on holiday this year.

I suspect your son has richer mates than the people we know. None of us have had 'multiple holidays'.