The way you treat people...

[Adventuresat40]

Do you stop and think about how you treat people?

Inspired by, but not about, another thread - do you consider staff at a shop/ restaurant/ other service when you speak or act?

I am a solicitor. I moved out of a client facing role several years ago as I dropped my hours after having DC. Recently, I have gone back, temporarily, to a client facing role covering for staff on leave/ long term sick.

I hate it. Some clients are just horrible. Selfish, entitled and plain rude. I know they are paying our fees but that doesn't give them the right to speak to us like that. It seems so much worse than 8 years ago.

In particular it is the key board warriors who get to me - the person I am covering for hid that he was unwell and so his files are a bit of a mess but nothing has been done incorrectly or untimely - just very disorganised and so it is taking me a few days to get to grips with them. We contacted all of the clients at the beginning of the week to notify them of the change of circumstances.

Several clients have taken the opportunity to send emails of complaint, copying in all senior management, of course, and when I look at the file it has only recently been opened and nothing has been unduly delayed by my colleague being ill. There is just no compassion at all.
I usually call them back and find they are just lovely on the phone but their emails are full of vitriol.

Why do people do it? Do they not realise that they are dealing with a person? One with feelings too? No one is perfect, even them. It is like they want to see us fail and take delight in another's weakness. Get one up.

My colleague is on sick leave for mental health reasons and I can see why.

I guess my point is, please, consider your words and actions, think about the person on the other side.

There is complaining about a service and there is personally attacking and the latter isn't acceptable, wherever or whatever.

Yes! We just got back from a holiday and I really noticed it. People seem so much more impatient and selfish these days. The air hostess on the plane was so nice and said how well mannered DD was, which made me feel happy, but also a bit sad as I'm sure they have to contend with some right idiots. They asked someone to stop drinking as he was getting so loud and they got a mouthful of abuse

I worked for the council and we charged for answering queries.
I answered one without charging as it had taken me a few seconds. The man spent several days making complaints about me to every single person he could find including the chief exec.
I wasted hours sorting it out (luckily queries had to be answered within 10 working days so didn’t go anywhere).
After a few days he sent me an email ‘found, in junk folder’. He didn’t bother to tell anyone he complained to.
Week later he sent another query so I made the biggest bill I could make up. He tried to complain about that, but I pointed out since the complaints I now had to follow procedures to the letter.
I charged him maximum every time until he said he couldn’t afford it. Poor me. Fuck off twat.

I have come to the conclusion most people are weird and gross. Here is my evidence m’lud:

• public toilets - really they are often sooooooo gross
• Horrible remarks on the internet- so prevalent and beyond comprehension

I stopped doing client facing work because it caused me so much stress, I was good at my job but I went on a perfectionism drive and worked all the time. Now, I wish I had:

-Set better boundaries for myself re work
-Found ways to put a barrier between them and me so I didn’t take things so personally

• Been okay with ‘good enough’.
• Had someone to process some of the tougher clients with like a counsellor

I try and check myself as much as I can. I’m quite thoughtful and considerate towards people, I’d never be deliberately rude (used to work in customer service and since then I know the importance of speaking to people nicely and saying thank you at checkouts/restaurants) but I feel like my social anxiety lets me down a bit.

When I speak to people i barely look them in the eyes, I think sometimes that can probably come across as rude. I have to remind myself to look at people when I say thank you etc because it’s such a natural thing for me to do to shy away

I have a RBF as well so I don’t think that helps either!

I always treat people how I want to be treated myself. As a result I don't get the rude shop assistants/health professional/waiting staff that so many mumsnetters do.

@Adventuresat40
I would rather stick pins in my eyes than go back to a client facing role.
Clients' treatment of solicitors can be shocking, egged on by MN with the "you've got to chase them all the time to get them to do anything" advice.

If I'm spending 10 mins updating you about your matter and the same time updating 100+ other clients every single day please tell me when exactly you think I'm doing the actual work you're paying me for??
Oh yes, at 4am.

I caught the end of Rip Off Britain last night and they signed off encouraging people to complain and keep on complaining until they get the service they should (or something like that) and it struck me that some people have just taken that as their mantra now regardless of whether it is applicable or not.

I think people's level of stress is generally higher than pre pandemic. I think they are v quick to respond rudely.

I'm a HE lecturer and we received so many complaints when my colleague had to stop her course midway through to inconsiderately die from cancer.

My first ever job was in a shoe shop over the summer holidays. After experiencing the way stressed out parents thought they could talk to a 16 year old, I now make sure I'm extra polite.

It works in my favour - I've had till staff give me Friends & Family discount just for not being a dick to them while they're serving.

@Mosaic123

I think people's level of stress is generally higher than pre pandemic. I think they are v quick to respond rudely.

Nope. The general public have been rude and obnoxious for 20 years. I've worked in public facing roles on and off for that time and they have remained consistently twatish throughout.

I have been called a cunt, bitch, slag, racist slurs, told I should fuck off and die, I should throw myself off a bridge and one caller said they really hoped my kids would be taken off me by social services. I didn't have any kids at the time. I also used to have men phone up asking what underwear I wore when I worked in a bank.

People are just arseholes to people they think they never have to deal with again. Which I never understood when I worked in the bank and had the ability to block all of their bank cards in one slip of a button.

(I never did it, despite how badly I was tempted)

I work in a fairly low paid public facing (but important) role. Not many would want to do it, I can tell you that for sure!

And I am very conscious of how I speak to people.

My husband is a barrister and many of our social group have professional jobs. They can be very abrupt and sometimes unnecessarily demanding. I hate eating out with some friends who really embarrass me in restaurants, on aeroplanes etc by speaking so bluntly to staff. They wouldn't hesitate to complain, send shitty emails. Speak to managers and complain for little reason. It's over confidence.

When we sold late MIL's House earlier this year we received such good service from the solicitor, especially from the paralegal who handled all the admin, that I emailed them to say thank you. I received a lovely email back.

I have had a lot of customer/supplier facing roles, and been professional and polite to everyone. The last job interview (apart from an internal promotion one) was in 1981 because I have been headhunted for every new job since then.

It pays dividends to be polite.

Thanks everyone. In a way I am glad it isn't just me.

Everyone seems in such a hurry - I deal with Probate work, there are delays with HMRC and the Probate Registry which I cannot control but clients make you the whipping boy. Plus the greed, so much greed.

I don't know if it is me that has changed or the job/ clients.

I am always polite to clients, even if they are rude to me (what is it Michelle Obama says - they go low so we go high?) but it is so wearing.

I had one client asked to be assigned to my boss as I am female and that is NOT what he agreed to (there are cultural issues at play). I want to tell him to take his business elsewhere but I know my boss will agree to take it over instead - it is all about the money.

At least it is Friday.

I do think people have a tendency to open their mouths or use their fingers and be keyboard warriors without even thinking about the implications it could have on the other side.

People can be self centred and things like empathy, compassion and kindness are not traits every person holds unfortunately.

In this world a thick skin is vital to be able to get through, if we dwell too much on how others can be so vile then it affects our mental health so again developing that thick skin is so important.

Life is cruel, people can be cruel.

I am a receptionist and have to listen to how I have personally done this or that. Obvs I haven't, but I am the one that gets it in the neck.

One disturbed individual phoned back asking me why I had put him through to an answering service? Well obvs if the person is busy, you get their answerphone!

The trouble is, these people love the sound of their own 'hectoring' so give you the chance to explain things or suggest an alternative. After they have taken my name, they hang up. God forbid they should allow me to talk (after first talking over me!).

Don't give you the chance I should have said.

@PizzaPiePizzaPie

I worked for the council and we charged for answering queries. I answered one without charging as it had taken me a few seconds. The man spent several days making complaints about me to every single person he could find including the chief exec. I wasted hours sorting it out (luckily queries had to be answered within 10 working days so didn’t go anywhere). After a few days he sent me an email ‘found, in junk folder’. He didn’t bother to tell anyone he complained to. Week later he sent another query so I made the biggest bill I could make up. He tried to complain about that, but I pointed out since the complaints I now had to follow procedures to the letter. I charged him maximum every time until he said he couldn’t afford it. Poor me. Fuck off twat.

I'm intrigued by the council charging for answering queries? In what way and what queries?😀

Planning perhaps...

Hmm.

Tbh, if I were being charged upwards of £100 per hour fees for solicitors and being charged everytime someone even glanced at my file, I would be complaining if the work wasn't done properly or within an expected time frame.

I think service standards in general have deteriorated massively recently - accredited to Covid of course - and the public are fed up hence decreasing levels of tolerance.

I am a receptionist and have to listen to how I have personally done this or that. Obvs I haven't, but I am the one that gets it in the neck

Oh yes, I’ve worked as a receptionist before and this is so true! People have such a strange perception of receptionists; lowly enough to be ranted at but somehow also powerful enough to be responsible for company policy
I had a client ranting at me at 6.25 one evening (we closed at 6.30) because the person she wanted to talk to had gone home at 5 (and always did). She went on and on about how it “wasn’t good enough” and it was “no way to run a company”, and in the end I said I sympathised but I personally couldn’t do anything about it as I didn’t dictate the working hours of senior staff. She rang back the next morning and told the person she needed to talk that I was a “rude bitch”!

It is getting worse. Rude, entitled and abusive behaviour. This selfish attitude is encouraged by the government and social media. It is all about me.

I'm very sensitive. But I'm sensitive with what goes out as well as in. I treat people with respect but so many do not.

You would think with the pandemic and all this be kind stuff people would behave better but no. I had a go at some noisy neighbors the other week. I'm a key worker at home, we have lots of shift workers in the sub division. And the defence was it was in the day and no one had complained. They had just not that particular day. So it appears you do what you like until you are pulled up in it!

When I was at school/uni/law college I worked in retail/libraries. Most people were lovely, some were absolute shits. Now I'm on the receiving end of solicitors' missives and it's the same I have no problem with people being angry or rude - as long as they direct their anger/rudeness at the relevant policy/rule/process and don't make it personal. And people will be rude if they think they can get away with it - see social media, people in cars, dogs on leads ...