The way you treat people...

[Adventuresat40]

Do you stop and think about how you treat people?

Inspired by, but not about, another thread - do you consider staff at a shop/ restaurant/ other service when you speak or act?

I am a solicitor. I moved out of a client facing role several years ago as I dropped my hours after having DC. Recently, I have gone back, temporarily, to a client facing role covering for staff on leave/ long term sick.

I hate it. Some clients are just horrible. Selfish, entitled and plain rude. I know they are paying our fees but that doesn't give them the right to speak to us like that. It seems so much worse than 8 years ago.

In particular it is the key board warriors who get to me - the person I am covering for hid that he was unwell and so his files are a bit of a mess but nothing has been done incorrectly or untimely - just very disorganised and so it is taking me a few days to get to grips with them. We contacted all of the clients at the beginning of the week to notify them of the change of circumstances.

Several clients have taken the opportunity to send emails of complaint, copying in all senior management, of course, and when I look at the file it has only recently been opened and nothing has been unduly delayed by my colleague being ill. There is just no compassion at all.
I usually call them back and find they are just lovely on the phone but their emails are full of vitriol.

Why do people do it? Do they not realise that they are dealing with a person? One with feelings too? No one is perfect, even them. It is like they want to see us fail and take delight in another's weakness. Get one up.

My colleague is on sick leave for mental health reasons and I can see why.

I guess my point is, please, consider your words and actions, think about the person on the other side.

I worked in customer service as a student so always go out of my way to be extra nice to people as sometimes it can literally make someones day to get a 'thank you' after hours of shit.

I've only complained to a manager once and it was honestly a last resort after the person I was dealing with (bank) was incredibly rude and dismissive when my card wasn't working, telling me I was simply using the wrong PIN and not listening when I was telling him that it wasn't even getting as far as letting me put the bloody PIN in.....still makes my blood boil.

I work in retail in a 'posh' supermarket. The sense of entitlement is astonishing and it hurts. People have got worse over the last year too

Yes. Always.

I really live the 'treat others how I would like to be treated' mantra.

I'm a teacher so have found myself on the receiving end of complaints amd even full on rants in the playground in front of other children/parents but I try to remember that, at those times, people are scared, worried, angry, hurt... and adopt a bit of a 'kill with kindness' approach. It hasn't failed me yet. Some people live hard lives (mine isn't easy) and I've discovered a bit of a knack for not taking it personally and winning them round.

Personally, I remember that most people are doing their job and want to do it well. People are only human and mistakes will be made. That's not the same as willful incompetence though - and I've encountered that too.

I've brought my children up similarly and they've always been complimented for their kindness, emotional maturity and compassion.

It's just the little things - when mine were younger, I would often take them out to a local pub for food. One of the waiters told me that they would always vie for taking our table because we were polite, my children were polite and well behaved and we always cleared up any mess that they made and apologised where we couldn't.

Life is hard, work can be shit and I think it's important to treat people with kindness and respect. (Note - that is very different to being nice and deferrent )

It really isn't difficult to ask for something in a non confrontational way. Maybe learning how to do this should be taught at school.

Unfortunately, I've noticed this in my line of work on occasions (teaching in a special school). Most families are lovely and a lot have to deal with unimaginable stress and inadequate support. However, I have had to deal with rudeness, racism (not directed at me admittedly) and toxicity from a small minority of families (particularly during and since the pandemic). I've had emails demanding help at the weekend and fury if I don't answer (because I haven't seen it). I accept it's the result of appalling social care provision, huge stress or MH issues but it's hard to take and I've had anxiety and a few sleepless nights as a result. I used to feel physically sick when I saw emails in my inbox from one particular parent. It's happened to most of my colleagues and isn't personal but it's tough and takes its toll on us. SLT are brilliant and very supportive - they deal with a lot themselves. There are all kinds of reasons why people are rude and I think a lot will be linked to mental health and what they're going through themselves.

I have always treated people nicely. I have made excuses in my own mind for bad service or even embarrassed when people have treated me appallingly for a service or item I am buying. Or when for the umpteenth time that day a security guard has followed me closely around a store. (I must have one of those faces) A couple of times so closely that I stepped on their toes when I stepped back from looking at a shelf.

And because I never said anything or complained I ended up with the shitty end of the stick and a feeling I have been walked all over or made a fool of when I have tried to get things put right. At one point I remember It became almost like a f/t job chasing people to get what I had paid for.

Everyone I know has had similar experiences either to a more or lesser degree.

A couple of months ago I started on ADHD medication and now I find I don’t stand for the crap anymore. I will be perfectly pleasant to everyone still. But I have found myself calling out bad service or people not Doing their job

I think for a lot of people who have been through things before and who have waited and waited for the person to get around to their turn have found themselves ignored and now just are on it from day 1 trying to chivvy things along because experience has taught them that if they don’t then the chances are everything will get ignored and they will be waiting weeks or months for something very simple to happen but then find nothing has been done.

I think a lot of this is born from years of frustration and bad service.

Sorry that you feel people are shouting at you but as you said you are covering for someone who was messy and disorganised and probably not good at keeping the client updated that things have been done.
The client when you phoned them back was just happy for an update.
A 1 line email just to say “Update. Letter sent to ..,” or something along those lines would be more appreciated and would probably save you from having to wade through complaint letters.
Just because you know everything has been done on time the client doesn’t and as I said they have in the past left things for people to get on with and found that months later they check up to see how things are going and nothing has been done.

@RampantIvy

It really isn't difficult to ask for something in a non confrontational way. Maybe learning how to do this should be taught at school.

We do teach good behaviour, manners and conflict resolution in school.

Unfortunately, by the time people have reached adulthood I'm not responsible for the choices they make in their conduct with others...

I think if you are on the receiving end of it with work you are more likely to consider how you treat other people,

I’m also a lawyer. I was a family specialist for 25 years, retrained and now run my own Will writing business.

The vast majority of my clients are lovely, however I’ve also had my share of horrors.

The absolute joy of running my own business is that now I have an excellent nose for those clients who are going to waste hours of my time querying every little thing, angling for a discount and then not paying for ages.

I regularly turn work away at the first inkling that they’re going to be a pain. Its simply not worth the hassle. So my sympathies with the OP and other employed lawyers in particular, I had the same problems before I started up on my own!

I always try and treat everyone nicely, I've always worked in roles where I've dealt with customers and have been spoken to like a piece of shit many times.

Im actually quite annoying and often stuck up for random people who are being given a hard time.

BUT I know I'm not an angel and if I'm tired and have snapped at someone or been short it will play on my mind and I'll apologise where I can.

*- public toilets - really they are often sooooooo gross

• Horrible remarks on the internet- so prevalent and beyond comprehension*

A lot of people's toileting habbits are gross. You just don't see their own toilets.
Internet comments - its how people actually think and feel, without the facade of manners and without fear to be punched in the face.

When I complain I always say, 'The service has been appalling but I am NOT having a go at you personally... No, that's not good enough, this has really inconvenienced us - I know it's not your fault but I want this sorted out NOW'.

It usually seems to work.

I tend to leave decent tips as well.

The impact on staff mental health should be considered

We employ a lot of young customer assistants. (Retail) and the way they are spoken to horrifies me! I tell them to stop serving rude customers and to call me over....the change in customer attitude is very apparent.

I make a point of telling rude individuals that their behaviour does have an impact

No telling people 'I know it's not your fault, but.....' is a cop out. It then gives the customer free reign to continue being rude and demanding. And saying 'I want' will not get you any further than someone screaming in our faces. You'll get the same.

Just explaining the issue calmly gets problem solved with an extra (extra money off or a gift card) in our store .... more than the 'I want/expect/demand'

I sometimes think everyone should have to spend a year in a customer service role when they reach 18. A bit like National Service (National Customer Service).

I worked at McDonald's briefly as a teenager. As a result I now try to treat customer facing staff with curtesy and respect at all times. I do speak up though when something has gone wrong.

I am always polite. I do complain if it’s necessary, but quietly and politely, I usually get what I want. I used to be friends with a women that was so bloody rude to shop assistants in particular, I used to feel so embarrassed if I was out with her shopping. I just don’t get this sort of behaviour at all. Completely unnecessary.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I sometimes think everyone should have to spend a year in a customer service role when they reach 18. A bit like National Service (National Customer Service).

I've always said this - any kind of retail, hospitality, customer service.

@Bythemillpond when I say disorganised, I mean that he hasn't used the case management system properly (we are mainly paperless) and so documents aren't in the right folders which makes it harder for me to pick up the file and run with it. He also kept a lot of deadlines in his head/ on paper at home and so I have had to carefully check each file and make diary notes. Plus we do need some original documents but because he hasn't been into the office at all this year (not sure how he has managed this) his PA has been dealing with the original documents and her system seems to be shove them all in a filing cabinet and hope for the best.

He also didn't time record properly (which will work in the clients' favour).

He obviously was working very hard to keep on top of his workload but should have said that he was struggling rather than it getting to crisis point.

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this situation - I am not sure how our management let him fly under the radar for so long. He is quiet and gets on with things and so he was just left alone - the head of department is very hands off, as long as you bring in the money he doesn't care.

Clients were given an update and informed about the fee earner being off sick for the next 2 months on Monday.
Some have been great and expressed concern for colleague but others have been downright rude. They have not been personally affected at all but have launched personal attacks against me - I have had to prove my credentials (I am 10pqe + and a PSL in the field) and had clients not want me working for them because I am female. I last worked facing clients about 7 years ago and was never subjected to this.

@Mumblechum0 that sounds great and you obviously have a good nose for a difficult client. I do think many clients are angling for a discount and threaten complaints/ referral to the SRA (yes, someone even said that this week because the fee earner has gone off sick - he should be struck off apparently for being unprofessional ). Matters are much more litigious too. Lots of families fighting over their deceased's relatives estates. It's sad.

I never want to work facing clients again, this week has been the low point of my career.

I always treat people how I want to be treated myself. As a result I don't get the rude shop assistants/health professional/waiting staff that so many mumsnetters do.

This ^

When I complain I always say, 'The service has been appalling but I am NOT having a go at you personally... No, that's not good enough, this has really inconvenienced us - I know it's not your fault but I want this sorted out NOW'.

and this sort of thing. I always remain polite, and usually acknowledge that I am aware it is rarely the fault of the poor sod who has picked up the phone when I'm trying to get it sorted.
Apart from the fact it is, IMO, the right thing to do, it also seems to get a much better outcome.

But people tend to roll out that stock phrase of 'I know it's not your fault' ....and then proceed to be rude anyway!!

And if someone says "I want it sorted now" I know what kind of person I am dealing with.

@AlfonsoTheMango

And if someone says "I want it sorted now" I know what kind of person I am dealing with.

I only to get to that on my third phonecall, following something like being randomly cut off by BT.

Believe me, when they restore service after two or three days with a new phone number that you do not want, and your internet still cut off (and one of you works from home) it's pretty hard to remain patient.

You KNOW it's not the fault of the poor bod on the other end of the call (and it isn't your fault either) but you also know that if you don't complain, the whole shit-show will continue. Which is why you end up saying 'No, that isn't acceptable... This is a massive inconvenience... I can't believe your systems are to useless...'

I've worked in retail, so I do know what it's like.