Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

"You look beautiful"

39 replies

WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 01:20

I don't really use social media. I have fb which I use to keep in touch with friends and for hobbies. I have about 190 'friends' - all are people I know - friends, people I've met through hobbies, ex colleagues. But that's all.

I don't post much. Largely because of the following reason.

I put a photo up at the weekend of me out somewhere with my 10 yo niece. Mainly for the benefit of her parents and wider family.

Lots of likes and a few comments all of which were comments about me - generally of the "you look beautiful 😍" variety. No comments on my niece or what we were doing.

It makes me really uncomfortable! Firstly because I'm not! Grin and secondly because it makes me feel like people assume that's what you want.

Do people really put photos of themselves doing stuff on sm just because they want other people to tell them they're beautiful..? And does it make anyone else feel awkward?! Confused

OP posts:
WinoAnon · 13/08/2021 01:21

I cringe when I see 🔥🔥🔥

Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 01:23

I don't get that Grin

But I get the impression that's more of an Instagram thing?

But, yeah...

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/08/2021 01:25

Well No one is going to say to anyone You’re an ugly c*t, are they. I mean don’t me wrong there’s nasty heartless t*ts out there in abundance but that’d be taking the piss.

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/08/2021 01:27

Social media is for communicating something to others. It’s a performance medium. The people making the “beautiful!” comments are just reading the room in the way they would like it to be read if they were posting photos. Neither of you is wrong.

MorriseysGladioli · 13/08/2021 01:27

Do people feel obliged to say something ?
I haven't used facebook so it's a genuine question.

Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 01:28

I agree but why not comment on something else? An equally banal comment about it looking like a lovey day or whatever? why does it have to be a looks based comment at all?

OP posts:
Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 01:30

@MorriseysGladioli

Do people feel obliged to say something ? I haven't used facebook so it's a genuine question.
I don't think so. I don't anyway!
OP posts:
Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 01:31

@ComtesseDeSpair

Social media is for communicating something to others. It’s a performance medium. The people making the “beautiful!” comments are just reading the room in the way they would like it to be read if they were posting photos. Neither of you is wrong.
Well that's what I was wondering really. Do people post for others to comment positively on their looks?

It puts me off doing it.

OP posts:
Betsythecheshirecat · 13/08/2021 07:53

I often comment on photos where someone is looking nice. Usually if it is just a photo of them on their own though.

I changed my profile pic on FB last month having had the same one up for three years. I had so many comments about how great I was looking I felt embarrassed. Like I had only put it up for compliments.

It was a nice enough photo I suppose but certainly not worthy of any "stunning" comments.

Betsythecheshirecat · 13/08/2021 07:55

Sorry. Posted too soon.
I was dying to say something like "well no one is going to say 'looking frightful Betsy!' but thanks all". But didn't.

Quitelikeacatslife · 13/08/2021 08:04

It really annoys me when people post achievements of their lovely teenage daughter for example with a picture and all people comment on is how stunning she is or how beautiful. On a similar post about a boy , it's all "well done" and "you'll go far" etc

LittleFroggie · 13/08/2021 08:14

I think it depends how close you are to someone. If my ex-colleague I haven’t seen in ages posts a photo, I may comment “this looks lovely Julie / that looks fun Sandra” and so on. If one of my close buddies puts up a photo of them out, I’ve probably already spoken to them about it/ will chat to them about it. I don’t need to catch up as such, i may comment on that particular photo to say “you look beautiful” or “🔥” as a compliment if it’s a lovely photo of them.

Galassia · 13/08/2021 08:18

No offence op, but the ‘you look beautiful’ comments I see on FB are usually left under the photos of the less attractive people in order to give them a bit of a boost! Sad

LittleFroggie · 13/08/2021 08:25

Actually I had a great situation last week. Posted a photo of me and DH at an event and had a few comments that we looked lovely from friends and family. Then went out for a coffee with a friend (who’d commented “you look beautiful”) and she said “wow littlefroggie, you looked fucking gorgeous at that event!!!! Loved your dress, hair looked great. Then when I saw you walking in today I barely recognised you at all. You don’t look like the same person at all - you’re such a chameleon haaaa haaaa!!” Confused how’s that’s for a backhanded compliment… and no I really don’t look that different as I don’t wear loads of makeup/ fake eyelashes when I go out or use filters on my photos. It’s just me with my hair done and some lippy on. Hmm

Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 08:32

@Galassia

No offence op, but the ‘you look beautiful’ comments I see on FB are usually left under the photos of the less attractive people in order to give them a bit of a boost! Sad
Great, thanks! Grin

Tbh, I only post photos where I think I look 'nice' but I certainly don't need people to tell me that. My sense of self worth isn't dependent in getting 'validation' from people I know.

Perhaps I just look really rough in real life... 😬

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 13/08/2021 08:45

I’d reply saying something like “thanks all, we had such a great time doing x, niece loved it” or something like that - acknowledge them loosely, but turn it back round to the focus you were trying to give.

Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 08:53

@Quitelikeacatslife

It really annoys me when people post achievements of their lovely teenage daughter for example with a picture and all people comment on is how stunning she is or how beautiful. On a similar post about a boy , it's all "well done" and "you'll go far" etc
Ugh, that gets me too.

My daughter sometimes shows me photos her friends have posted on Instagram. All bums, tits and pouts. Even she is shocked.

What amazes me then is how many of the mums go on to post the same photos on fb and then accumulate similar comments from other parents. Just mind boggling!

OP posts:
Original poster
WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 08:54

@Talipesmum

I’d reply saying something like “thanks all, we had such a great time doing x, niece loved it” or something like that - acknowledge them loosely, but turn it back round to the focus you were trying to give.
That's a good idea. I've liked the comments to acknowledge them but not replied because it wasn't why I posted it!
OP posts:
fluffythedragonslayer · 13/08/2021 08:57

I think often people choose photos to post where they think they look good because they want to show nice photos of themselves to other people. And so other people think they look good too, and say so.

I was once told by a friend's bf that they liked my social media because I wasn't afraid to post pictures of myself where I look awful 😂 so I'm not sure I'm doing it right 😁

pinkpapaya · 13/08/2021 09:24

I don't know, I have friends who are genuinely pretty women and headturners and I always give a compliment. If I see people who are not so genetically blessed, I usually say something like 'Lovely photo' but the people who I genuinely do think are pretty, I always say 'beautiful' or 'stunning' if they look it. It isn't trying to butter them up but because I genuinely think that.

ACPC · 13/08/2021 09:28

I completely get what you're saying op but at least these people are trying to be nice, with all the more irritating stuff that goes on sm, I can forgive the banal comments.

Themadcatparade · 13/08/2021 09:33

May you genuinely looked beautiful and people felt like they needed to communicate that with you?

Zenithbear · 13/08/2021 09:41

Facebook is where the not so
confident/attractive can receive compliments about how they look.
Perhaps they haven't had much attention in real life. I actually think it's fair enough if it makes them feel good about themselves.
The posts I find tedious are the very good looking people constantly (daily) posting very posing pictures of themselves in full make up/filters etc saying how rough they look but they're keeping it real to inspire others Grin

PearlFriday · 13/08/2021 09:44

I know what you mean. I hate changing my profile pic because somebody will say ''gorgeous photo'' or ''wow'' and 1) i'm very much in the ordinary category. Not unattractive I suppose but most people scrub up well if they're healthy and happy. And 2) as somebody else said upthread, is that what people think I expect to hear?! It's discombobulating. I'm quite aware of how ordinary I am! For the last decade my goal has been to look healthy and happy! So at 50 it's embarrassing to have people compliment a new photo. I feel like they're trying to make me feel better and I don't need them to.

TooMuchPanicNotEnoughDisco · 13/08/2021 09:49

I don't really see the problem tbh, aren't compliments allowed anymore? Nothing wrong with saying someone looks beautiful imo. I comment that on friends photos all the time and I haven't offended anyone yet - as far as I'm aware - nor am I offended if someone comments that on mineConfused

Swipe left for the next trending thread