Page 2 | "You look beautiful"

WoodenFloors · 2021-08-13T00:20:15+00:00

I don't really use social media. I have fb which I use to keep in touch with friends and for hobbies. I have about 190 'friends' - all are people I know - friends, people I've met through hobbies, ex colleagues. But that's all. I don't post much. Largely because of the following reason. I put a photo up at the weekend of me out somewhere with my 10 yo niece. Mainly for the benefit of her parents and wider family. Lots of likes and a few comments all of which were comments about me - generally of the "you look beautiful 😍" variety. No comments on my niece or what we were doing. It makes me really uncomfortable! Firstly because I'm not! [grin] and secondly because it makes me feel like people assume that's what you want. Do people really put photos of themselves doing stuff on sm just because they want other people to tell them they're beautiful..? And does it make anyone else feel awkward?! [confused]

Original poster

WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 09:49

@Zenithbear

Facebook is where the not so confident/attractive can receive compliments about how they look. Perhaps they haven't had much attention in real life. I actually think it's fair enough if it makes them feel good about themselves. The posts I find tedious are the very good looking people constantly (daily) posting very posing pictures of themselves in full make up/filters etc saying how rough they look but they're keeping it real to inspire others

Fortunately, I'm old enough to not have too many of them!

There is one ex colleague who posts daily soft focus pics of her face talking about how she's trying to love herself etc and she gets loads of comments. It just seems early strange and a bit to me.

I feel like they're trying to make me feel better and I don't need them to.

Yeah, that's it really. It's just a bitbawkward because then I wonder ifnpeople think that's why I posted and it never is!

I must put one or two photos a year of myself on fb and only then if I'm doing something worth sharing. Never ever put a photo of myself up for likes and comments. It's just so... vain

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MorrisZapp · 13/08/2021 09:51

It's a bit like emoji overuse. I'm always terrified that if a school mum replies to my text with 'that's fine, see you then.' then she hates me. Likewise if people merely like your photo (instead of loving or hugging it) it's some kind of slight.

Blame the huns. They've ramped it up so that 'nice pic, looks fun' now reads as 'christ you're ugly'.

BigFatLiar · 13/08/2021 09:52

Well that's what I was wondering really. Do people post for others to comment positively on their looks?

Depends on what its a picture of.
Go on holiday and post a picture of the scenery and people may say looks lovely etc. Go on holiday and post a picture of yourself and you'll probably get a comment about you.
No comments on my niece or what we were doing.
Depends who's commenting, I wouldn't comment on your niece unless I knew both of you (and her family) well.

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WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 09:53

@TooMuchPanicNotEnoughDisco

I don't really see the problem tbh, aren't compliments allowed anymore? Nothing wrong with saying someone looks beautiful imo. I comment that on friends photos all the time and I haven't offended anyone yet - as far as I'm aware - nor am I offended if someone comments that on mine

But surely there are other things to comment on besides what someone looks like?

I don't seek compliments in real life either though to be fair. I know what I look like, I know if I look nice or a bit meh. I don't need people to publicly state it.

A pm message to say I looked nice or really happy or whatever is one thing. I think it's the 'publicness' of it that's a bit weird.

And the fact that other people might be thinking,"No, she's not!"

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PearlFriday · 13/08/2021 09:54

@MorrisZapp

It's a bit like emoji overuse. I'm always terrified that if a school mum replies to my text with 'that's fine, see you then.' then she hates me. Likewise if people merely like your photo (instead of loving or hugging it) it's some kind of slight.

Blame the huns. They've ramped it up so that 'nice pic, looks fun' now reads as 'christ you're ugly'.

ha ha ! I think all of my fb friends are from the ''nic pic see you later' school of thought so if somebody does say ''oh so gorgeous, you're blessed'' I feel so uncomfortable.

Original poster

WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 09:54

@BigFatLiar

Well that's what I was wondering really. Do people post for others to comment positively on their looks?

Depends on what its a picture of.
Go on holiday and post a picture of the scenery and people may say looks lovely etc. Go on holiday and post a picture of yourself and you'll probably get a comment about you.
No comments on my niece or what we were doing.
Depends who's commenting, I wouldn't comment on your niece unless I knew both of you (and her family) well.

Well this one was at a photo of my niece and at an event. I don't ever post photos of myself.

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Original poster

WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 09:56

Blame the huns. They've ramped it up so that 'nice pic, looks fun' now reads as 'christ you're ugly'.

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PearlFriday · 13/08/2021 09:57

@woodenfloors I mostly post articles that I found interesting and memes I find funny and nobody gives a shit. I don't know if you can ever really know ''what people care about''. It varies from situation to person to relationship...

A while ago, a friend tagged me to quote something i'd said and described me as a ''dear friend'' and I must admit rightly or wrongly i found that quite ''validating'' so I can't criticise the people who want to be validated on fb. As I got a buzz out of being publicly described as a dear friend. God I'm a saddo.

Ivegotanewfridge · 13/08/2021 10:00

No offence op, but the ‘you look beautiful’ comments I see on FB are usually left under the photos of the less attractive people in order to give them a bit of a boost!

I agree with this

vincettenoir · 13/08/2021 10:00

I’m with you. I was looking at hair tutorials on YouTube recently. I looked at the comments for some videos to try and find out if they were easy to follow. But there were no comments or tips about the tutorials, just loads of comments on the YouTubers’ appearance. That’s why I don’t do social media. I think it must be awful to be a teenage girl these days. Society seems more hyper focussed on looks than ever.

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WoodenFloors · 13/08/2021 10:00

[quote PearlFriday]@woodenfloors I mostly post articles that I found interesting and memes I find funny and nobody gives a shit. I don't know if you can ever really know ''what people care about''. It varies from situation to person to relationship...

A while ago, a friend tagged me to quote something i'd said and described me as a ''dear friend'' and I must admit rightly or wrongly i found that quite ''validating'' so I can't criticise the people who want to be validated on fb. As I got a buzz out of being publicly described as a dear friend. God I'm a saddo.[/quote]

That's generally the sort of thing I post too but even then only around once a month or so.

I only really keep the as there are people I wouldn't be in touch with otherwise. But it's nice to keep the contact up however vague and intermittent.

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Ivegotanewfridge · 13/08/2021 10:05

I should qualify my last comment. Telling someone they’re beautiful who objectively isn’t is about more than how they look. I’ve recently commented on the beauty of 2 childhood friends on fb who posted photos. One is a mum to a child with severe autism, she has health issues and is going through a divorce. She’d got a new haircut and posted it. She’s not beautiful in the conventional sense but her new lease of life shone though. So she looked beautiful to me. Another posted pics of her daughters wedding, she’d taken a real leap with her choice of outfit which was amazing and you could tell she wasn’t sure of herself. She too looked beautiful, whilst feeling both insecure and proud.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 13/08/2021 10:14

they are hardly gonna say "oh you both look so clever" or "you look as if deep in thought about environmental concerns" or "you appear to be very kind there!"

you look lovely and such comments are just something people say instead of not responding at all.
I usually say thanks instead of overthinking it.

Livinghereinallentown · 13/08/2021 10:14

@Quitelikeacatslife

It really annoys me when people post achievements of their lovely teenage daughter for example with a picture and all people comment on is how stunning she is or how beautiful. On a similar post about a boy , it's all "well done" and "you'll go far" etc

I agree. Usually these pics are of 14 year old daughters plastered in makeup looking like they’re 25 and people making comments like “stunning”. I always think it’s inappropriate and I never comment on these pics. So much sexualisation of young girls. No wonder their self worth is wrapped around their looks.