Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

16 week Pregnant and husband not supportive

27 replies

Starlightening · 12/08/2021 20:58

I am pregnant with my 4th and starting to show , my husband isn’t supportive of the idea of being a dad again and is always putting me down and criticising me ! I am just over 16 weeks pregnant and when I mention telling his parents he gets very defensive and won’t talk about anything baby related . I thought I might try and tell my oldest she is 6 and if looks could kill he was more defensive! I don’t know what to do , I feel I am in my own , only told one friend no one else knows and he was really mad with me ! Never felt so isolated and alone

OP posts:
Twospaniels · 12/08/2021 21:02

Don’t want to read and run but have no advice.💐 i hope you get sorted out soon.

However you didn’t get pregnant by yourself. If he didn’t want any more children then he should have taken precautions or has the snip.

Augtwo · 12/08/2021 21:08

How was the final decision left OP? What did your husband say exactly?

How old is your youngest DC?

Galassia · 12/08/2021 21:09

If he was dead set against having more children he could have had a vasectomy.

What a horrible man.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General pregnancy
Tobebythesea · 12/08/2021 21:12

@Galassia

If he was dead set against having more children he could have had a vasectomy.

What a horrible man.

This
Original poster
Starlightening · 12/08/2021 21:49

He doesn’t even talk to me , just spends all night up on his computer might come to bed really late almost as I am getting up ! Every time I try to approach the subject he is hostile and defensive towards me it ends in another argument , I keep trying but no good !

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlightening · 12/08/2021 21:50

I have a 4,6 and 8 year old !

OP posts:
Temple29 · 12/08/2021 21:51

Personally I would tell whoever I wanted in that situation. Let other people get excited with you since your husband isn’t supporting you through this.

How is he with your other children?

Original poster
Starlightening · 12/08/2021 22:10

Hi Temple29
He’s good with the kids to be fair and is a good dad, just seems to hostile with me most of the time. It’s hard to get excited I am 41 years old , and not sure how people will respond , just can’t cope with more negativity, just not sure how long I can hind it anymore ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlightening · 12/08/2021 22:14

I confided in a school friend and told her about the pregnancy and he was really cross I had discussed it with anyone ! When I said well if I thought I was being supported perhaps I wouldn’t have turned to a friend . He is now trying to break up our friendship and doesn’t like me having contact with her !

OP posts:
Herhealingsoul · 19/08/2021 01:27

This is so upsetting to read but honestly u should be strong enough to speak up for yourself you didn’t force him to give you this baby, I’m also pregnant and my partner isn’t happy too he even asked me to lose it because a fourth would be too much responsibility, at first he kept getting angry at me and showing he’s annoyed etc and expected me to react like I’m the wrong one in this, in the end I built the courage to tell him if he can’t man up to this fourth child then he should choose and leave not sit there and emotionally abuse me any further , he’s soon shutup about it and has not acted like that again but if he does then surely I will choose to bring my children up without a partner like that who can’t support me and who is emotionally hurting me, it doesn’t matter if you are 41 it’s your baby and you can get through this your other children are young too, please don’t let him emotionally abuse u, just try to build the courage to speak to him and tell him he’s being very immature your 16 weeks your baby can feel your emotions :( I hope you r ok and get through it.

Galassia · 19/08/2021 02:51

Weird behaviour if he’s trying to control your friendships. I would be thinking he’s planning on murdering me.

Galassia · 19/08/2021 03:40

Your saying that he is a good dad is wrong. The hostility towards you will be picked up by the children no matter how careful he is in front of them.

That’s a horrible role model to have in their lives.

He’s already had three children with you so he knows how babies are made so if he really didn’t want any more he could have taken steps with his own body to prevent impregnating you.

The pair of you are responsible for creating this baby not just you so his annoyance and hostility are misplaced.

I wonder if there is anyone on the sidelines and he’s given her the impression he’s only with you for the kids but now you’re pregnant again it’s clear that he has been having sexual with you and that’s out the kibosh in his affair.

That would explain his hostility towards you.

Whatever the reason he sounds very immature and hateful so you either get to the bottom of it with him or dump him.

Personally I would dump a man who behaves like this because when your are pregnant you do feel vulnerable and need emotional support and he is not giving you that.

WeAreTheHeroes · 19/08/2021 04:12

@Galassia - well that must be just the reassurance the OP needs in both your posts.

I have a friend whose husband reacted badly when he found out she was pregnant with number three. Turned out he was in a lot of debt and she didn't know. Is it possible he feels under pressure to support the family? Do you work? It takes two to tango as others have pointed out, but he needs to communicate with you and not behave like this. He's a husband and a parent and needs to behave like one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/08/2021 04:21

Did he want you to terminate the pregnancy?

WeAreTheHeroes · 19/08/2021 04:31

Good question.

Original poster
Starlightening · 27/10/2021 17:51

I am now 27 weeks pregnant and still no improvement, yes I think there is a degree of pressure finically rewards the situation, finically we are in a difficult place , but I things will settle ? he never said terminate the pregnancy but he didn’t deny or go off the idea either , I personally couldn’t go through with abortion mentally. I am a mess at the minute it wasn’t for my 3 kids I would have taken my own life ! But there’s no way I can leave the kids without a mum ! I have tried to tell my midwife things are not good but they don’t seem to listen !

OP posts:
Hodgehog · 27/10/2021 17:57

Does he have any redeeming qualities ?

Sudokuzebra · 27/10/2021 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 27/10/2021 18:06

I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive. Do you have any close family that you can talk to?

You mention he could be feeling the financial strain of it, what if you sat him down to show him it could work on that side of things?

JudgementalCactus · 27/10/2021 18:12

What were the circumstances around this pregnancy?

Was it a condom split? Genuine contraception failure?

Does he have any reason at all to think you've tricked him into it?

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/10/2021 18:19

I think you need to leave, he’s abusing you in plain sight. He’d have ad a vasectomy if he was against more kids it’s not just up to you.

Sweetsaremyfave · 27/10/2021 18:29

Why are you still in a relationship with this man? Does he bring any positivity into your life?

Original poster
Starlightening · 27/10/2021 19:00

I can’t afford to go it alone with 3 kids I have no where to go , I work part time and my income is really tight , struggling day to day , he does go and do big food shops so at least I don’t have to worry about the kids having food, so I greatful for that. I have very little family about who can help ( my mum is doable dnd my brother has mental health issues ) so I can’t really talk to them. I have a good friend but she has 4 kids of her own so can’t trouble her , she does keep in touch so she is aware things are not good .

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/10/2021 19:02

Has he since took the sensible step of getting a vasectomy?

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/10/2021 19:45

I think you womens aid, they can help you get out.

To punish you at all is awful but this has gone on for ages and it’s not even your fault.

Swipe left for the next trending thread