Can someone please talk to me - I'm really struggling.

[Notgettingbetter]

I'm in a really bad place with my depression. Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry. I've tried so hard today - eventually go out of bed, did a bit of washing up. Trying to play with my little girl but I'm a mess.

What dosage?

I'm on 150mg right now.

Well then, I am sending you an enormous virtual hug in lieu of a real one.
I do think it would be worth revisiting the dose if it hasn't had any effect after 4 weeks. (I'm also on Venlafaxine after sertraline and, prior to that, citalopram).
Oh, and one more thing that I found helpful was to make a list of all my achievements each day. Sometimes all I could manage were things like 'got out of bed' and 'cleaned teeth', but it still helped to bolster my sense of moving forward and doing something, anything, positive towards my health.
Much love to you. Xx

You are on a maintenance dose. It could be that the frog is making you more depressed or you might need a higher dose. You definitely need to speak to your doctor. I have taken ssri's for a while. Sertraline made me feel awful but others have worked within days. I think you need to at least ask advice.

I will get in touch with the doc. From everything I've read I really expected to feel at least a little better by now. Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it. I went and bought some triple chocolate cookies though I'm not sure they'll help much - I don't even enjoy chocolate these days!

You know it's bad when you don't like chocolate.

I’m sorry to hear your feeling so low, I too have struggled with my mental health for years which has declined rapidly over the last month or so for no apparent reason. I started taking Venlafaxine a few weeks ago, fingers crossed it will help both of us. If you fancy a random chat you’re welcome to message me! It’s difficult with children isn’t it, the added guilt of feeling like you’re failing them is so awful.

You've done really well. I found in my worst moments, going to a safe place (my bed) with one of my kids and cuddling up to them while watching cartoons gave my head and soul a little rest. It became something I knew was there when I needed something to focus on for later when feeling rough in the day.

For now, can you sit down with a cuppa and plan the bare minimum you need to achieve today. You've already actually done a lot! But maybe something simple for dinner for u both and put an outfit out for your DD tomorrow morning so you have a headstart.

If you can drum up the energy, a walk us always a good move. X

If you had a physical illness you wouldn't feel as guilty so please class your depression as an illness. i have recovered from depression and i am the happiest i've been. I did this with a change of job, medication and CBT. It helps that i have an extremely competent and empathetic GP.

Ugh. My partner just messaged me that DD fell asleep for a few minutes. I was looking forward to the day being finished but now she'll be up late ☹️

Well done for getting up and trying to play with your DD.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes thank you. I do try to remember that I'm ill and it's not my fault. I'm just so sick of it. I desperately miss being able to cope with the most basic stuff, and even more, being able to enjoy anything.

I'm very glad you're doing well 🙂

Brilliant that you’ve managed to go out to the river, I find water very soothing, being quiet listening to fish jumping, watching damsel flies etc.

Sign said to list your achievements, this really, really helps. All those wee things you manage to do make a difference. Cry when you need to. It’s fine.

This isn’t forever. It will get better.

Anyone looking at me wouldn’t have a clue on my bad days. The toilet walls know. I try to go for a short walk if work isn’t too busy, that makes a big difference. I have also started painting, is that something you’d like? Could it be something to do with your daughter? I find working with colour lifts the darkness, and distracts me from the black dog.

Don’t feel guilty for being who you are, your daughter will love you regardless of your sad moments. My gran had very bleak days. I adored her. Even when she struggled to get a word out.

Hugs for you, I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better.

@SignOnTheWindow

Well then, I am sending you an enormous virtual hug in lieu of a real one. I do think it would be worth revisiting the dose if it hasn't had any effect after 4 weeks. (I'm also on Venlafaxine after sertraline and, prior to that, citalopram). Oh, and one more thing that I found helpful was to make a list of all my achievements each day. Sometimes all I could manage were things like 'got out of bed' and 'cleaned teeth', but it still helped to bolster my sense of moving forward and doing something, anything, positive towards my health. Much love to you. Xx

This reminded me of something I read somewhere. Similar to listing achievements, a list of “At least i… so…” e.g At least I washed up so we had clean plates to eat off, at least I made lunch so DD and I got some vaguely nutritious food etc. When I am depressed I can’t consider any of the little things I managed to do in a day to be achievements, so couldn’t do the very good suggestion of make a list of things you achieved. I suppose this is the same thing but reframing it helped me so I mention it in case it helps anyone else. All the things on the list were tiny, like put the washing machine on, take DC to school and pick them up, play a game with DD, make dinner, but I did them when they felt impossible. Hope you feel better soon.

Everyone has been so kind. I really appreciate it

Little one went to bed without too much fuss. I've had some dinner and will probably try to sleep soon myself. I'm really tired!

Have a good nights sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day

Try and phone the doctor tomorrow and pop back here if you need too.

Hope you manage to get a good night's rest.

You're doing fantastically well, you just have to believe it.

I'm now waiting for the doctor to call me.

Until yesterday I was telling myself maybe I'm getting better, just too slowly for it to be noticeable. But now I think I'm actually getting worse. I'm not sure I can manage to keep acting like I'm okay for DD's sake. I feel like I'm breaking.

Hope it goes well with the doctor.

Doctor doesn't want to increase my dose yet. I don't know what else to do.

Should I ask to be referred to a psychiatrist?

Has the Dr offered you any sort of therapy or counselling? If not, you can refer yourself into your local IAPT service. If you go to NHS.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/ you'll be able to search for your local service. A GP can refer you or you can self refer.

I've been seeing a counsellor for the past few weeks, though she's now on holiday until September.

It would all be reliant on your pathway in your local area to see a psychiatrist but you can request it. You could also try a different GP. Did you tell them how horrendous you feel?