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Original poster

Cutting DD's hair.

53 replies

DeadButDelicious · 11/08/2021 19:12

DD is 4 and has waist length hair, ordinarily I would never have let it get this long but what with lock downs and all the hairdressers being shut it's been allowed to run wild as it were.

She's never been particularly 'good' about her hair but she would, under protest, let you wash it, dry it, brush and tie it back but recently she's just lost the plot with it and any attempt to deal with it is fraught with tears and actual screaming. The neighbours must honestly think we're trying to murder her the way she carry's on. It's ridiculous. So far I'm doing my best to not make a 'thing' out of it,hair is something that has to be done, like teeth and baths etc but if anything that's just spurring her on. Hmm

We have hair cuts booked for Friday and initially I was just going to get it cut to shoulder blade length but I'm honestly tempted to go chin length with a few layers and make it so I only have to brush it and bung a head band on and she's done. We have chatted about it and she's not adverse to the idea, she's excited about going for a 'big girl' hair cut. I just feel a bit guilty. I am being daft. I know this but I just look at that lovely head of golden hair and feel awful about contemplating chopping it all off.

What would you do? Stick with the original plan and go shoulder blade length (still able to tie back) and hope that this is a phase that will pass (I really don't want the level of fuss she's making on mornings where we have to be up and out for school) or do a big chop? I will be getting a lot cut off my hair at the same time (going from shoulder length to a pixie cut) so she won't be 'alone' in a big change. Could that maybe make it fun for her?

UGH, I dunno, it would be nice to told I'm not going to scar her for life by getting her a more manageable hair cut.

Come on you lot, tell me to get several grips or something!

Or shave her head.

Obviously I am joking.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 11/08/2021 21:01

@LER83

My dd had a bob until she was about 7 and able to start looking after her own hair properly. We just used pretty clips and hairbands to keep it out of her face at school, or just did a half pony etc.
Washing it isn't too awful but brushing it is horrendous. I use conditioner etc but it makes very little difference.
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Zhampagne · 11/08/2021 21:07

Long enough to tie back - nits. We keep DD’s hair about shoulder length and tie it back in plaits or flipped bunches.

negomi90 · 11/08/2021 21:09

Shoulder length. Chin length gets in your eyes and can't be put away. Also when you try and grow out chin length there's a really awkward stage where its even more annoying but still to short to be put up easily.

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Beauty
StCharlotte · 11/08/2021 21:13

I had a pixie cut when I was her age and loved it, I was very head sore and hated having anything done to my hair. I suspect she takes after me.

I was the same but there was no such thing as a Pixie cut when I was that age. It was just short layers and I hated it. I was quite a pretty child but it didn't look remotely cute. A short bob would have been so much better.

mumsymum25 · 11/08/2021 22:50

Have her hair plaited and then cut the plaits off to donate the hair either way. You could make a big deal of it and just go for it with chopping her hair off into a box bob. Up to you really, you’re the parent and you’re the one looking after her hair so you have more of a say imo.

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 01:00

Is her hair curly or wavy? If yes, then brushing it will be awful.
I would investigate the Curly Girl method if her hair is curly.

For your current conundrum, I would leave it long enough to tie back or put little plaits into it.

Sleepingdogs12 · 12/08/2021 06:09

I really don't like to see girls (or boys) encumbered by too long hair. Having to hold it out of the way or pushing it away from eyes while playing so for me you are making a good decision to go short. It grows again if she really doesn't like it and she will learn that it needs to be looked after if she wants it longer .

jobsagudden · 12/08/2021 06:27

OP I would be the same my DD1 has a long golden mane and I am very reluctant to get it chopped, whilst DD2 has a scraggly little head of hair and I've never thought twice about getting it cut and she looks gorgeous with her short hair. Bobs and shoulder length hair look really lovely.

I know you have more than probably done this but have you tried bribing her with the iPad whilst you do her hair? This is the only way I can get DD1 to let me do hers? I pop on a game for 2 mins whilst I'm doing her hair and she will reluctantly let me do it. Or have you tried teaching her to brush it herself?

jobsagudden · 12/08/2021 06:32

Oh and no, you will definitely not scar her, especially if she's ok with the idea. I had my hair cut into a chin length Bob just before I started school and can't remember it at all, although paired with my nhs glasses and overbite I wouldn't say I looked chic.

Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 12/08/2021 06:55

@jobsagudden

OP I would be the same my DD1 has a long golden mane and I am very reluctant to get it chopped, whilst DD2 has a scraggly little head of hair and I've never thought twice about getting it cut and she looks gorgeous with her short hair. Bobs and shoulder length hair look really lovely.

I know you have more than probably done this but have you tried bribing her with the iPad whilst you do her hair? This is the only way I can get DD1 to let me do hers? I pop on a game for 2 mins whilst I'm doing her hair and she will reluctantly let me do it. Or have you tried teaching her to brush it herself?

I have tried the iPad, my much coveted switch, all sorts. As soon as the brush makes contact with a knot she starts. I've bought her her own tangle teaser style brush to encourage her to brush it herself but when it comes to the point of having to tie it back she then gets annoyed if I have to use the brush to sweep it back as she's already done it. Its very frustrating for her I think. Her little four year old brain says 'but I've done this! So why are you doing it again!'
OP posts:
Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 12/08/2021 07:05

@Sleepingdogs12

I really don't like to see girls (or boys) encumbered by too long hair. Having to hold it out of the way or pushing it away from eyes while playing so for me you are making a good decision to go short. It grows again if she really doesn't like it and she will learn that it needs to be looked after if she wants it longer .
It does get in the way definitely, life would be easier with a brush and go hairstyle. I've got long hair myself and it just gets in the way, I don't like having it loose so it's forever tied back. Which after a while can give me headaches etc.

Extended family members have gone pale at the mere suggestion that we cut her hair (they can come and deal with it if they feel that strongly) but like you say, hair grows and she can always grow it out again if she wants too when she's older and can fully look after it herself.

OP posts:
PlantWitch · 12/08/2021 07:14

Definitely keep enough so it can be tied up, made the mistake of cutting my DD's hair into a bob thinking it would be easier and need less styling, didn't work out that way! Also nits

Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 12/08/2021 07:14

@mathanxiety

Is her hair curly or wavy? If yes, then brushing it will be awful. I would investigate the Curly Girl method if her hair is curly.

For your current conundrum, I would leave it long enough to tie back or put little plaits into it.

There is a very, very slight wave if left to dry naturally, it goes poker straight with very little effort if you do it with a hair dryer, she has been blessed, truly with a glorious head of hair. I'm not just saying that, look at it! I've only blow dried it here, not even with a brush just one of those nozzle things. I am so jealous.
OP posts:
Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 12/08/2021 07:19

Might help if I included the photo...

Cutting DD's hair.
OP posts:
Herja · 12/08/2021 07:24

My DDs hair is like your DDs now she's 7. Until 5.5 it was in a jaw length bob with a thick fringe as she hated bands, clips, brushing and washing (with a triple crown...). Made life loads easier.

Once she was old enough to agree to looking after it properly, she's been allowed whatever she likes.

mumsymum25 · 12/08/2021 07:46

I wouldn’t have her hair drastically chopped off into a bob as an older child unless it was just a greasy mess and she was old enough to look after it herself. Even then, I would try and sort her hair issue out first before insisting such drastic measures. At 4yo though, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have her haircut into a more get up and go style if it is a nightmare to look after. She’s too young to look after it herself so it really is up to you what haircut she gets.

Don’t feel guilty, she’s going to need a haircut some time, so if that’s tomorrow, then tomorrow let it be.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 12/08/2021 08:00

Stick to shoulder length. You've then got options for different air styles. My mum got my waist length hair cut off into a pixie cut when I was 7. It was awful. I was devastated. I still remember how dreadful I felt now many years later!

The worst thing was not being able to style it into anything else. I was stuck with one hairstyle. And it was a hairstyle I hated!

To add insult to injury my mum only did it because she thought it'd look cute. I was very good with my hair, always brushed it and loved having different styles. I grew it out as quick as I could and have never, ever had short hair again!

Sorry that was a bit long... but I was very upset with my mum for cutting my hair. Go for a shoulder length cut, if she likes it you can go shorter. If she doesn't it won't take long to grow back.

Another option? Just get a tangle brush!

Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 12/08/2021 15:50

Another option? Just get a tangle brush!

We have! We've tried a tangle teaser, a paddle brush, a bristle brush, a wide toothed comb. Makes not one jot of difference to her. We also use conditioner and leave in conditioner.

Her hair is not a hill I am willing to die on so until she can manage it herself it will have to be cut so I can manage it easily.

Mummy is developing a hair brush based nervous twitch. 😂😂😂

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 12/08/2021 16:05

I have a very sensory DS who hates hair cuts. Basically a shoulder length bob works best for him on maintainence and it is so much easier to comb after a cut. He won't tie it up because any time he has, some prat drops a girl comment so we keep it just on the threshold where it can't quite be tied up for things like PE.

His hair is thick, sprouty and fast growing and he wouldn't cope with the conventional short boys' styles, and he looks neater having that bit of length to pull it all down in the same direction.

Thick, well kept long hair can look great on girls, but there's no point in making life a misery over trying to keep it long for the sake of it. Well chosen short styles are underrated.

mumsymum25 · 12/08/2021 21:26

If she won’t have her hair brushed and put into a bobble, then I would just have her haircut into a bob. Simple as!

Mylittlecoconuts · 12/08/2021 21:38

Short, swing hair and windy days is a nightmare though. Stick with shoulder length hair so you can at least tie it back when it's windy

234Pepperplant · 12/08/2021 22:44

If she’s happy to have it cut, and you want it cut, why are you feeling guilty for reducing your daughter’s discomfort? It’s almost like you think she’s “wasting” her long straight hair? I’d probably not do anything truly drastic like shave her head, but shoulder/chin length hair is a perfectly normal and appropriate style. My five year old has just about shoulder length - hates having it brushed or washed or fussed with, so it’s fairly short - basically as short as I can get it while still just able to tie it back for school. No way would I be going through some daily hair are performance to maintain long hair that she doesn’t even want. Cut it and park the guilt!

Maggiesgirl · 12/08/2021 23:13

DGD1 was like this, she had hers cut off to a chin length bob, it was brilliant just dropped into place.
DGD2 is now having the same done as she hates her hair being brushed ( apart by Grannie😇)
At that short DGD1 never got nits, at shoulder length even when tied back she did!
Both if them looked like the Petite Filous girl 😁

Cutting DD's hair.
Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 13/08/2021 09:02

Today's the day. I've decided to go for shoulder grazing, so just a touch longer than chin length. She'll be able to brush it herself more easily at that length, which sets us on the path of her looking after it herself.

We had a little chat last night and this morning and we agreed that whist she does love her hair, it wasn't really making her happy at the moment so mummy thinks it would be better to get it cut for now and that when she's a bit older and can look after it herself properly she can grow it as long as she likes.

So yeah. She's excited about going to the hairdressers, it remains to be seen what she's going to think about her hair. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
DeadButDelicious · 13/08/2021 16:08

Done! She was SO good. She let them wash, cut and dry it with very little protest. It was only towards the end when she got a bit grizzly. Always the way!

It's shoulder length, can be tied back in a bobble and looks so much nicer! We're going shopping for new headbands and clips tomorrow.

Thank you for all your comments and advice!

OP posts: