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Original poster

Do you ever grieve a bit for your child free life?

67 replies

Babymeanswashing · 09/08/2021 19:38

It’s weird as I don’t regret DD. Not one little bit. I’d never want a world where I didn’t have her.

But everything was so much easier. Just left the house without having to think about change of clothes and nappies and if it is going to interfere with a nap.

Sleep. Oh Jesus I am actually nearly in tears remembering what it was like to go to bed and sleep and get up … and I used to think I got tired!

The books I’d read and the way I could just watch telly!

I feel pretty shit admitting this, and shallow. If someone said to me now would you still have a baby I’d say yes, in a second. I really don’t regret her and my life is so much happier … it’s just so much more complicated too!

OP posts:

RosieLeaLovesTea · 09/08/2021 22:11

A couple of weeks ago I almost booked myself into a hotel for the afternoon just so I could take a nap in a quiet room undisturbed. I was feeling poorly and binged up in the head. It’s only £34.99 with travel lodge! Well worth the money in my opinion.

I also miss just being able to make plans and go out with girls without having to plan around the DCs. What they will eat before I go. I always get them ready into pJs. Or the older one stays with grandparents. They are 7 and almost 5.

Some aspects are getting a lot easier and they are fun.

Also how does anyone get household jobs done? I need to clear out the under stairs cupboard and decorate the hall. Something I can’t really do with them around and they always want to get involved.

Karwomannghia · 09/08/2021 22:17

Honestly no. I’ve had times when it’s been difficult but I never wanted the child free life back like that. I’d hate it. Going travelling was amazing and I'm so so glad I did it before settling down but I always wanted kids. I’ve wanted a couple of hours off or a lie in but other than that I would not enjoy having a lot of time to myself. I have a 10 year gap so had another baby when the older kids were on the brink of being independent, I also love having other kids round and I’m a teacher! No escape!

xyzandabc · 09/08/2021 22:21

I don't miss my child free life too much, I'm quite happy as we are now. What I do miss is my child free body!! Was a 6-8, could wear anything. Now a 12 pushing 14, nothing fits and most things make me look like a blob!

HarrisMcCoo · 09/08/2021 22:24

Yes. Little things like "popping out" to the shops, grab keys and go. It's a mighty expedition with the children.

Normal to grieve this life when you are in the thick of it.

TheVolturi · 09/08/2021 22:25

I often think, if I'd known how little time I'd get to myself once I'd had my children, I'd have savoured every single second.
Mine are 4, 7 and 8 and one has autism so I get absolutely no free time, not even at night as asd ds can't sleep.
What I wouldn't give for a night to myself! I'd have a soak in the bath, then put cosy pj's on and lie in my fresh bed watching TV, then fall asleep and not get woken up for the first time in 8 years! (I have not included dh in my little fantasy because he'd get in the way of my peace 🤣)
It will come for us op

LittleMowf · 09/08/2021 22:27

I had an almost painful pang of student nostalgia recently. I wanted to go back to Hyde Park in Leeds in 2009, and sit with my friends and some cans of cider, and just laugh and talk and stay out all night. No planning, just living in the moment and doing whatever you want. I do miss the spontaneity of child free life! But I always wanted DC and I’m so glad I have them now

Mrsbclinton · 09/08/2021 22:39

Absolutely, 8 months in, its still all very new. I think its totally normal to think back on your old life.

Its the same when you have any life changing event, you think back to how it was before.
I wont last forever, my youngest is 7 and Ive a lot of freedom again & so will you.

NotWanting · 09/08/2021 22:52

I had my children when I was still a child myself so I was never an adult with no children and therefore nothing really to compare it to.

However, I am loving my 40's

LemonPeonies · 09/08/2021 22:56

Not really. It took me a long time and many losses to get my baby. Some days are harder than others but personally more fulfilling.

HealthKick2021 · 09/08/2021 23:02

Perfectly normal feeling op! My youngest is heading off to school in September and I will be having 5 days of 9-3 to myself, so I'm slowly getting a little freedom again but like you, I don't regret my children at all. Its just nice to have a break.

HealthKick2021 · 09/08/2021 23:04

@LemonPeonies

Not really. It took me a long time and many losses to get my baby. Some days are harder than others but personally more fulfilling.

Sorry for your losses, I too had two stillbirths and a miscarriage but that doesn't mean OP doesn't appreciate her baby. Its just hard going from 0-1. Her feelings are totally valid.

headlock · 09/08/2021 23:06

I do. I love my kids unconditionally and I'm happier now than I've ever been.
But, life is so busy. I look back to the times I thought I was tired, pre kids and want to go back, punch myself in the face and say, "get a grip!"

SarahAndQuack · 09/08/2021 23:11

No, but I grieve for the life I thought I would have had with children.

I adore my DD; I've had a rough few years and she has often been the reason I've had to keep on living. She is just brilliant and I love being her mother.

But I do regret what I expected. I thought we'd be financially secure; I never thought what a big impact birth trauma would have, or how much discrimination we'd face as parents. I suppose, really, I just thought parents were people who had everything sorted, and of course we're not, and no one is.

And I can't even think what it's like for other posters on this thread who are coping with relentless difficulties, with no sign of it ending. It's so cruel that we're made to believe that if we ever feel ambivalent about children, we're bad mothers. I think that's such bullshit.

ParistoLondon · 09/08/2021 23:21

Every single day.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/08/2021 23:29

I think it’s normal to grieve a little when you’re in the thick of child rearing when they’re little - once they’re older you’re able to start reclaiming bits of you back.

My kids are 9&7 now and I remember traveling to NYC for work when DS2 was 18 months. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to get on a plane without a bag of Cheerios, raisins and spare pampers.
Now they’re older I enjoy hanging out with them more than anything else I do. Saturday I “jumped” in carnival which was an entire day decked out in a feathery bikini drinking and dancing to soca music.
After 6 hours I can’t tell you how happy I was to go home, take a shower and sit on the couch with them and catching up.
I can do all the things I used to do now that they’re older, but now all I want to do is hang out with them.
I’m potentially heading back up to NYC in October and half of me is dreading it as I’ll probably have to quarantine when I’m back which means longer away from them!

It’s funny how it changes. I never thought I’d not want to go away without them, but here I am!

LemonPeonies · 10/08/2021 04:06

@HealthKick2021 I didn't say her feelings weren't valid, I even said "personally ". Op was looking for opinions so I gave mine, never said anything negative about a different point of view.

Karwomannghia · 10/08/2021 11:33

I was confused by that too @LemonPeonies

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