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Original poster

Do you ever grieve a bit for your child free life?

67 replies

Babymeanswashing · 09/08/2021 19:38

It’s weird as I don’t regret DD. Not one little bit. I’d never want a world where I didn’t have her.

But everything was so much easier. Just left the house without having to think about change of clothes and nappies and if it is going to interfere with a nap.

Sleep. Oh Jesus I am actually nearly in tears remembering what it was like to go to bed and sleep and get up … and I used to think I got tired!

The books I’d read and the way I could just watch telly!

I feel pretty shit admitting this, and shallow. If someone said to me now would you still have a baby I’d say yes, in a second. I really don’t regret her and my life is so much happier … it’s just so much more complicated too!

OP posts:
Wjevtvha · 09/08/2021 20:15

Of everything i miss being able to go to bed and know that I’ll get a decent nights sleep but I also know that it’ll come back at some point!

IdblowJonSnow · 09/08/2021 20:18

Yes! Often! Totally normal so don't feel bad!
Sleep deprivation is awful. I remember it too well...

Original poster
Babymeanswashing · 09/08/2021 20:19

@Wjevtvha

Of everything i miss being able to go to bed and know that I’ll get a decent nights sleep but I also know that it’ll come back at some point!
And me. It just means this idea of relaxing never happens. I’m always waiting to be disturbed.
OP posts:
TiredButDancing · 09/08/2021 20:27

My youngest is 6 and I'm long past the sleepless nights and the packing enough for a three week trip to Ibiza just so I can leave the house to get some shopping in.... but yes, absolutely! Grin

It's been quite a busy few months for us with a lot going on and quite honestly, I've been fantasising about the times when I could have a weekend of doing absolutely nothing. sleeping late, lolling around all day watching box sets, drinking wine etc all to just give myself ar respite.

On the other hand, my life is a million times easier now than it was when the DC were small and 99% of the time, I'm not only happy but totally able to appreciate how much easier it has become.

TiredButDancing · 09/08/2021 20:29

And me. It just means this idea of relaxing never happens. I’m always waiting to be disturbed.

DS was a truly awful sleeper. Not only waking constantly, but would wake up screaming. I felt like I was almost always in fight-or-flight mode and it meant that relaxing was so hard - I was always on edge. It's a regular topic of conversation around here that it was during this period that I realised I never want to live without a cat and I tell the DC that when I'm old, even if I'm in a home they have to make sure there's a cat, because honestly, sometimes the only thing that ever calmed me properly was spending 10 minutes stroking the cat!! Grin. Children eh?

WhatIsThisPlease · 09/08/2021 20:35

No. But I grieve for the life I had when my now grown up DCs were toddlers.

Be careful what you wish for - they grow up waaaaay too quickly!!

SilenceOfThePrams · 09/08/2021 20:36

This is why I opt out periodically. Not an option for everyone I know. But I’m a far better parent when I get a break - even just one night a year. 24 hours when I know I can sleep, when I can just leave the house without all the planning and prep, when I can live really dangerously and have a bath with the door shut, or head out without having to worry about what time I need to come back. If there’s anyone you trust with your baby who is willing to let you have that I’d recommend it…

Habbyhadno · 09/08/2021 20:38

Every. Single. Day

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2021 20:49

Yup. Love them to pieces but the twins are 20 months. They won't nap in their beds. They won't go down in their beds. They climb out of their cots. DS 6 is hard work, there's other stuff going on but 6 is a PITA age.

I went out for coffee for a few hours alihe yesterday. DS seem utterly confused that I'd want to be alone 🤣

Roomonb · 09/08/2021 20:54

Yup every day really, buuuut mines still little and I assume in 20 years it will feel different.

birdglasspen · 09/08/2021 20:57

Why would she not sleep through till 4 or 5?!

I'm sure there are some who don't, some who would if parents set a more consistent bedtime routine and sleep training if necessary. Have faith, they can sleep through the night from a young age, you'll always have the odd night with nightmares or illness etc but in general it is possible to have a child even a baby who sleeps through!

Titsywoo · 09/08/2021 20:58

No but I had my kids so didn't get to have my own flat, go on holidays etc like all my friends did in their 20s so nothing to miss!

Titsywoo · 09/08/2021 20:58

I had my kids young that should say!

NameChange74567 · 09/08/2021 21:11

Definitely, but like you I wouldn't be without them. It does get easier as they get older though.

SmallChairs · 09/08/2021 21:21

Absolutely, in fact all the time when DS was your baby’s age. I used to stare at solitary women reading novels in cafes in north London, or cycling past fast wearing really interesting coats, or just walking down the street without even a bag. They looked so stark and exotic.

It passes. Going back to work in my case was key.

DueyCheatemAndHow · 09/08/2021 21:22

God everyday. Support makes such a difference. We have none so it is relentless.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2021 21:26

@Titsywoo

I had my kids young that should say!
That means you get freedom the other end when you're young enough to enjoy it. How old will you be when your youngest is 20? I'll be 59.
LittleRedPill · 09/08/2021 21:28

Sometimes, yeah. I had a lovely holiday with DCs last week. It was genuinely a fantastic break but I did ponder occasionally what kind of holiday we’d have had if they weren’t there. There would have been lots more sex, wine and sleep for sure! Lazy lunches in restaurants and walks without small people complaining their feet were tired. I wouldn’t swap it though!

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2021 21:34

I miss sleep. Without anyone waking me up crying or anyone climbing into my bed.

Holiday's abroad, holidays where we could just do anything and eat anywhere.

Free time. Work. Volunteering.

But without them who would give me slobbery kisses, who'd climb into bed just for a cuddle and sneak there cold toes under me for a warm? Who'd put a blanket over head and stare at me? Who'd lie on me and watch The Floor Is Lava? Who'd tell me i should buy myself ice cream?

flipflop76 · 09/08/2021 21:35

Yes! I mainly miss rest and decent sleep.

Shmithecat2 · 09/08/2021 21:36

Every day. Not all day every day, but every day.

BeeandG · 09/08/2021 21:38

I remember the dreaded disturbed nights, feeling like it will never end. I used to fantasise about a night away in a hotel on my own! My dd1 slept through from about 17 months. You do get past the cumbersome baby car seat, changing bag, pram/ pushchair stage it just is hard work with all that sometimes. Mine are 7 and nearly 4 now. We can go out with just a rucksack between us! My dd2 gets in to our bed most nights but generally doesn't disturb us. Going back to work helps and gives you a taste of your old life in a way.

Parentingdilemmas · 09/08/2021 21:50

@Babymeanswashing - ALL the time. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids, it just means we can’t believe we’ll never have that life again now that we have little people to look after and think about before ourselves. I miss waking up and only being responsible for myself, my breakfast, my lunch, my dinner and my hygiene 😂. I miss being able to fill my day doing things I enjoy, now I need to think of childcare if I ever want to go any place on my own and end up not going as it seems easier that way 😕. Love my kids but yeah I do occasionally grieve my freedom and life prior to responsibilities x

EishetChayil · 09/08/2021 21:53

When my anxiety is playing up, I get incredibly and quite painfully wistful for the time I spend living abroad in my early thirties - a flat to myself in a very pretty district of an Asian city, a glamorous job I adored, soulmate friends, excess cash, utter freedom. Damn, I miss it.

Wouldn't trade my absolute angel of a DD for it though.

cashoncollection · 09/08/2021 21:55

I get it OP. Love my DS so much but I’d love to go on holiday to 2018. Box sets, sleep, candles, hot tea, magazines, TIME to do things.