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Original poster

How did childhood bullying affect you?

69 replies

Pineapplepizza83 · 09/08/2021 18:25

I ask this as i was bullied pretty horrifically throughout school and as a result I developed PTSD and pretty bad social anxiety. I have come a long way since I began therapy, but I think a part of me will always find it hard to trust people. I also find it difficult to form sincere friendships and tend to be a people pleaser which I'm working on. If you were bullied, how does it affect you as an adult? Are there things you find have helped you to cope?

OP posts:
PresidentJoey · 09/08/2021 19:41

Sorry to hear of your story Flowers

I wasn't 'bullied' but was befriended by a Regina George type, a popular girl who then turned on me. I don't trust anyone - I always expect them to let me down.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 09/08/2021 19:43

I haven't made a good friend since school. I keep people at arms length. I'm very lonely.

I have worked really hard and have a great career, lovely home and large family. I sometimes wonder if I am so driven because of how I was treated.

PresidentJoey · 09/08/2021 19:45

I also find it weird when people like me.

Original poster
Pineapplepizza83 · 09/08/2021 20:23

@PresidentJoey I relate as I had a friend like that for a while too who just turned on me. Very hard to trust when its happened time and again.

@reallyworriedjobhunter I also haven't really made proper friends since school but rather a lot of fairweather friends. I find I am hyper independent because I was treated as a defence mechanism and find it hard to depend on anyone.

OP posts:
reallyworriedjobhunter · 09/08/2021 20:27

@Pineapplepizza83 Yep, very very independent. I'm about to change jobs and will not be that bothered about moving on from one group of colleagues to another. Didn't keep in touch with people from school, university etc. I'm a real loner but so wish I wasn't. I'd love to have a close friend.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 09/08/2021 20:29

@Pineapplepizza83 I'm sorry you were bullied. It's awful and impacts every part of your life. Why can't people just be kind.

blissfulllife · 09/08/2021 20:42

I was the trampy kid. No one knew the hell I lived at home. Addict parents, I bought my siblings up, always hungry...

I was mercilessly bullied.

As a result I don't have any close friends and never have. I had a semi close friend up until a year ago but she too let me down and belittled me. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit so the tiniest fault in someone's personality and I cut them off. I'm not lonely at all. I prefer it this way. Only person who can disappoint me in myself.

FairyWings4 · 09/08/2021 21:12

I was the shy, chubby teachers pet. I was bullied on and off through primary and a little bit at secondary school. Older girls would lock me in the school toilets for entire lunchtimes from when I was 5 Sad.
Now my self esteem is non-existent. I don't really believe my friends are my friends, I think they are just taking pity on me and for a while I believed I was a bad person that deserved bad things happening to me.

A good therapist has worked through this with me by getting me to look back at the 'child' (me) experiencing the bullying, how I felt and what I would say to the child in hindsight. It's tough because I know deep down I didn't deserve it but my mind has convinced me all along that I did. Bullying is just the worst.

The process is ongoing and complex but I am slowly starting to see things differently. The wounds are deep though and I'm not sure I'll ever really like the person I am despite the successes I have experienced and being part of a loving family.

@Pineapplepizza83 sorry if this is waffley. I just wanted to comment as your post resonated with me a lot x

Givemebackmylilo · 09/08/2021 21:14

Befriended by my 'best friend' of 10 years who this incessantly bullied me.

I now struggle to make friends, have massive social anxiety and keep my distance from everyone. Absolutely no trust.

Maybe we should all form a little group?!

BrutusMcDogface · 09/08/2021 21:17

I believe myself to be hideously ugly, and don’t believe people when they compliment me. That’s the tip of the iceberg but I have worked bloody hard to grow my self esteem and have made lots of friends.

Flowers
picklemewalnuts · 09/08/2021 21:35

All the above, plus unexpected distress this weekend when my mother claimed she had no idea. I told her. Many times. She is astonished, never knew, apparently. I was suddenly gutted again, as she demonstrated yet again that I was on my own.

Elouera · 09/08/2021 21:45

At high school, I hit puberty and suddenly had big boobs, bum and hips. I wasn't overweight, but no longer the tall/slim girl. I was called thunder thighs, milk jugs and had my bra snappped etc. This wasn't helped by swimming lessons where we were made to jog in our swimwear- this was pre swimwear with any breast support or wires, so you can just imagine the sight of a D cup wobbling about!

Awful through those early years of high school, but I honestly don't feel its held me back doing anything in later life. I always had good relationships, went to uni and have had good jobs and a very happy, well adjusted life.

Original poster
Pineapplepizza83 · 09/08/2021 21:53

@Givemebackmylilo what a wonderful idea, a whatsapp group sounds great

OP posts:
Givemebackmylilo · 09/08/2021 22:06

[quote Pineapplepizza83]@Givemebackmylilo what a wonderful idea, a whatsapp group sounds great[/quote]
A 'don't have friends but would like friends' group 😁

Original poster
Pineapplepizza83 · 09/08/2021 22:11

@Givemebackmylilo sounds wonderful if enough people are interested

OP posts:
Badhead · 09/08/2021 22:28

I was bullied relentlessly for three years during high school.
It didn't affect me too much after leaving school, but now that I'm in my 30's the memories fill me with anxiety and anger. I hate that my 'so called friends' back then never stuck up for me and fobbed it off as banter. It's caused a lot of trust issues with newer friendships.

I still live in the same town I grew up in and occasionally see my old bullies. They haven't amounted to much in life and I don't think I'd ever be able to accept an apology from them, as it's caused a lot of damage.

PhilCornwall1 · 09/08/2021 22:29

I was bullied in secondary school, until I fought back.

It's affected me insofar as I don't trust anybody and if someone gets on my back, I'll turn on them.

Givemebackmylilo · 09/08/2021 22:34

[quote Pineapplepizza83]@Givemebackmylilo sounds wonderful if enough people are interested[/quote]
I second this!

If anyone else is up for it please do say

VariousVeins · 09/08/2021 22:50

[quote Pineapplepizza83]@Givemebackmylilo sounds wonderful if enough people are interested[/quote]
I’m definitely interested! Trust no one has always been my motto.

Disneycharacter · 09/08/2021 22:54

I was the 4 eyed shrimp with holes in my tights. Yes a little clique of bully girls tried to bully me and I admit I was scared at first, but I am very empathetic and sort of befriended the leader of the group because I could sense a sadness in her. It felt like I was 'friends' with a snake and I was wary of saying the wrong thing, but she and her group left me alone and bullied my geeky intelligent friend.

It taught me that behind the bully is someone with genuine problems, more so that the ones I had.

DrCoconut · 09/08/2021 23:19

I was bullied. It started after my dad died when I was 6. The other kids ostracised me and by secondary school I don't think anyone even knew why any more, they just did it. So then it became about my apparent ugliness. I remember a boy saying that my dad had died of a heart attack because he looked at me and realised what he'd done inflicting me on the world. The teacher heard and did nothing. I was told I was so ugly no one would ever love me, I'd never get a boyfriend etc. Girls were horrible too and some of them used to do things and try to get me blamed. People mocked me and set me up to be laughed at. I learned that people are not to be trusted and will shit on you, try to show you up etc. It caused social anxiety because to me a stranger wasn't just a friend you haven't met yet, but probably your next bully. The damage to self esteem from bullying is deep and difficult to overcome. I blame it for the abusive relationship I ended up in, looking back I was so grateful to have found someone who wasn't repelled by me that I didn't set my standards high at all and put up with more than I should, after all mistreatment and bullying was the norm for my social relationships. I did have a couple of good years in college to be fair when I met new people who were unaware of my status as a target but it has taken years to reach a point where I really understand what happened. I have recently forgiven one of my worst bullies after talking to her and it is very healing actually.

Original poster
Pineapplepizza83 · 09/08/2021 23:20

I have wanted to reply to everyone individually but just wanted to say how sad it is that we have always been through so many of the same experiences, but it has been a great support just to share on here and to not feel so alone with things after all

OP posts:
Hazelnutwhirl · 09/08/2021 23:35

I was bullied, but mostly by boys oddly enough which left me feeling ugly and disgusting a feeling I have loved with ever since. I also worry people will hate me and have low self esteem all thanks to secondary school, primary was great!

I have a fear of teenagers too.

MouseholeCat · 09/08/2021 23:47

I was bullied for 2 things, being a massive nerd and my looks- I had severe acne and was generally a bit goofy.

The nerd bullying didn't impact me at all. I'm still a massive nerd and it's got me a long way. I think those people were mostly just jealous that I was myself and did well at school

Being bullied for my looks had a huge impact though. In my late teens and early 20's I sought validation through sex and really regret some of the situtions I ended up in as a result. I refused to believe men actually liked me and was very standoffish. I still really struggle to love how I look, even though I'm totally normal looking.

Scornedwoman67 · 09/08/2021 23:54

@MouseholeCat

I was bullied for 2 things, being a massive nerd and my looks- I had severe acne and was generally a bit goofy.

The nerd bullying didn't impact me at all. I'm still a massive nerd and it's got me a long way. I think those people were mostly just jealous that I was myself and did well at school

Being bullied for my looks had a huge impact though. In my late teens and early 20's I sought validation through sex and really regret some of the situtions I ended up in as a result. I refused to believe men actually liked me and was very standoffish. I still really struggle to love how I look, even though I'm totally normal looking.

I was the same. I had a big nose & was picked on constantly, told I was ugly & a 'swot'. I had cosmetic surgery at 28 as I hated my looks. I still have no self-esteem & don't trust any man. My husband left me for a younger woman 15 years ago & this compounded my self-hate. I'm 54 now & don't think it will ever leave me. I feel for you Daffodil
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