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Original poster

Is a lie still wrong even after 2 years

74 replies

Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 08:32

I've been with my DP for 2 years, When we first got together we didn't really discuss our previous relationships and neither of us wanted anything serious. We saw each other regularly and after a couple of weeks DP said those 3 little words and our relationship became serious or so I thought.
About 6 weeks into our relationship DP had bookee to go on holiday to a friends wedding abroad, he told me he was going on his own but was a bit cagey about flight details etc but I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Forward 2 years and I've just found out he went on holiday with an ex, i knew they had a couple of dates but it transpires they were a bit more than this. I get that what he did before me is irrelevant its what happened when we were in a fledgling relationship that bothers me.
He said they had separate rooms etc, its the lying I hate. He's also said he didn't tell me at the time because we weren't serious, he didn't want to get hurt etc. He's had plenty of opportunity to tell me before I found out from a mutual friend. Now I'm cross and hurt and he doesn't get it says I'm making a mountain out of a molehill it was two years ago... Not apologised, just made excuses and I still don't know the full story.
Sorry for rambling I'm just a bit lost. Its also not the first thing he wasn't honest about but again that was at the beginning. These days he treats me really well but there's always that underlying niggle in my head.

OP posts:

HerRoyalNotness · 08/08/2021 14:13

This is a really strange and messy setup

aiwblam · 08/08/2021 14:17

Agree with the poster who says this is strange and messy. He also didn’t apologise about the hotel stuff when found out. I would get rid. You don’t need this shit.

Chikapu · 08/08/2021 14:22

I've re-read your opening post and you say he said those 3 little words, I'm just wondering now if those 3 words were 'you're a mug'. What on earth are you getting out of this relationship? You're his bit on the side.

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Dating General relationships Relationship problems

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/08/2021 14:23

He will do, say and use whatever he wants to have a cushty life at the expense of the women around him. You are just another woman who facilitates his life @Crazyforyooo. He doesn't love you. He doesn't love anyone.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 14:31

He goes home to where his kids live

It’s not just his kids who live there is it. Op how can you not see he’s in a relationship and lives with the mother of his kids?

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 08/08/2021 14:37

This whole situation is messy as hell Does he have any plans to leave his 'ex'? Why don't you think you deserve a whole relationship with someone, OP?

iklboo · 08/08/2021 14:48

Tell him to show you the booking email to prove that.

How likely is he to have it after two years?

iklboo · 08/08/2021 14:50

Its a different ex, he's been lived with the one he has kids with for almost 16 years but apparently they don't get on very well certainly since their youngest was born.

Lying, cheating bastard line #101

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 14:58

@iklboo

Its a different ex, he's been lived with the one he has kids with for almost 16 years but apparently they don't get on very well certainly since their youngest was born.

Lying, cheating bastard line #101

I’m not sure, to be honest that reads like the op knows they are still together.

Original poster

Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 14:59

He is very embroiled in my family, they have all met/like him. I'm not making excuses and I've often asked myself/him if I'm the other woman. We talked about marriage and him leaving there eventually, I know its the oldest trick in the book but originally I gave him until December to leave, he didn't have to move in with me, just out of there.
Now I'm questioning everything... no I don't think I believe him when he tells me stuff, I don't think he's cheating just isn't honest. 2 years is a long time invested at my age.

OP posts:

happinessischocolate · 08/08/2021 15:09

@MarianneUnfaithful

I don’t like the fact that he is continuing the lie. Mid he said ‘god, what an arse I was! I was too scared to tell you / was hedging my bets because we were so new / such an immature thing for me to have done / it was wrong and selfish and cowardly and it’s been in my conscience’ I would feel better about it. Turning it on you and blaming you for ‘making a mountain out of a molehill’ is not good. Not good at all.

I agree with this

If you are really happy other than this lie then I would have a conversation of "is there anything else I need to know as at right now, any other lies". Then after that if you ever find out a lie ever again leave immediately.

Doyoumind · 08/08/2021 15:10

Just because you've poorly invested 2 years of your life in him does not give you a reason to invest and waste more time with him. How will that benefit you? Get rid of him and move on. He's using you. This isn't a proper relationship.

happinessischocolate · 08/08/2021 15:16

Jesus just read all your updates properly.

You're his bit on the side, 2 years is nothing, if you put up with this you're going to waste your whole life waiting for him. A old friend of mine did this years ago 15 years she waited for that guy to leave his wife !!! Suddenly realised at the age of 40 that she'd wasted her 20s and 30s on a lying twat.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 15:27

@Crazyforyooo

He is very embroiled in my family, they have all met/like him. I'm not making excuses and I've often asked myself/him if I'm the other woman. We talked about marriage and him leaving there eventually, I know its the oldest trick in the book but originally I gave him until December to leave, he didn't have to move in with me, just out of there. Now I'm questioning everything... no I don't think I believe him when he tells me stuff, I don't think he's cheating just isn't honest. 2 years is a long time invested at my age.

So what if he’s embroiled in hour family. The fact is he’s a second primary family and you’re a dirty secret from them.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 15:28

And if you wish to be sure op, change your Facebook status to in a relationship with him, change your profile pic and tag him in.

Watch how quickly it disintegrates.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 08/08/2021 15:30

he didn't apologise.
which means he still thinks he did nothing wrong.

that'd be it for me.
LTB

Redglitter · 08/08/2021 15:45

apparently they don't get on very well certainly since their youngest was born

And you honestly believe that? Has ge told you how she 'doesn't understand him' & they won't be having sex either 🙄

Being invested in your family means nothing in terms of commitment to you

So you gave him til Dec to move out. Is that last Dec and he's still there or this coming Dec, in which case why such a long time frame

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 16:00

Not getting on very well doesn’t mean split up.

They are still together aren’t they op and you know it.

NotYourCupOfTea · 08/08/2021 17:23

Please don’t waste another 2 years with him

Timeforredwine · 08/08/2021 17:35

Seriously you are wasting your life being the OW!

Galassia · 08/08/2021 17:46

It’s been a long while since I’ve seen a thread where we are all in complete agreement!

I hope that tells you something, op!

ICantFindTheBuffet · 08/08/2021 17:58

Suggest you and his kids go for a day out over the holidays? See what his excuses are.

Original poster

Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 18:09

@ICantFindTheBuffet

Suggest you and his kids go for a day out over the holidays? See what his excuses are.

That's a brilliant idea, I was once told by him that his ex said she'd never agree to me (or anyone else meeting them)

I know deep down that you are all right. I guess you can't fix stupid!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 18:44

I was once told by him that his ex said she'd never agree to me (or anyone else meeting them)

Great cover story. What he means is he will never want you to meet them,

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