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Original poster

Is a lie still wrong even after 2 years

74 replies

Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 08:32

I've been with my DP for 2 years, When we first got together we didn't really discuss our previous relationships and neither of us wanted anything serious. We saw each other regularly and after a couple of weeks DP said those 3 little words and our relationship became serious or so I thought.
About 6 weeks into our relationship DP had bookee to go on holiday to a friends wedding abroad, he told me he was going on his own but was a bit cagey about flight details etc but I didn't think anything of it at the time.
Forward 2 years and I've just found out he went on holiday with an ex, i knew they had a couple of dates but it transpires they were a bit more than this. I get that what he did before me is irrelevant its what happened when we were in a fledgling relationship that bothers me.
He said they had separate rooms etc, its the lying I hate. He's also said he didn't tell me at the time because we weren't serious, he didn't want to get hurt etc. He's had plenty of opportunity to tell me before I found out from a mutual friend. Now I'm cross and hurt and he doesn't get it says I'm making a mountain out of a molehill it was two years ago... Not apologised, just made excuses and I still don't know the full story.
Sorry for rambling I'm just a bit lost. Its also not the first thing he wasn't honest about but again that was at the beginning. These days he treats me really well but there's always that underlying niggle in my head.

OP posts:
amylou8 · 08/08/2021 10:22

I'm not sure about this one. I wouldn't be happy at all, but I can also see how it happened. Trip was booked while they were still a couple, they then split, he was very early days with you and telling you he was still going on the trip would have almost certainly ended your relationship. If I was happy otherwise, and I believed they didn't share a bed, this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

TooWicked · 08/08/2021 10:22

He lives with another woman and has done for the whole 2 years you’ve been together. Confused

He’s also a proven liar. You know this for a fact.

You are probably the OW.

Original poster
Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 10:23

@Imissmoominmama

Does his ex know about you? Have you met his kids?
No never met his ex or his kids, he goes home for dinner at the same time most nights. His ex is aware of me from a Facebook post I tagged him in that his DS saw on my DS's FB page, they were mutual friends. That was last October and yet they still did xmas together with the kids. His boys are 13 and 7 if it's relevant.
OP posts:

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HelenHywater · 08/08/2021 10:25

Did he go on holiday with the ex he lived with?!

And you believe the single beds stuff?

And he STILL lives with his ex?

Original poster
Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 10:25

@daseychain

He lives with his ex and your main worry is a holiday? Are you sure they've split up?
Its a different ex, he's been lived with the one he has kids with for almost 16 years but apparently they don't get on very well certainly since their youngest was born.
OP posts:
crumpet · 08/08/2021 10:27

Sounds like he is having his cake and eating it. 2 completely separate lives with no overlap, so it’s easy to switch from one to another if it all gets a bit much

Outbutnotoutout · 08/08/2021 10:28

Wow that's a whole heap of shit I wouldn't get involved with. Even without the lies

Doyoumind · 08/08/2021 10:29

So the ex he went on holiday with was someone else he was seeing whilst living with the mother of his children?

This all seem rather unusual.

If this is for real, you realise he will never commit to you don't you? He's happy in his family life even if they aren't officially together. You're just providing something his ex doesn't. You can do better.

Galassia · 08/08/2021 10:31

How bizarre.

You are his mistress.

newnametothegame · 08/08/2021 10:32

Looks like they have an open relationship and you're his girlfriend who his wife knows about and accepts, but that's it. Do not expect anything else from this, honestly.

LowlytheWorm · 08/08/2021 10:34

Urghhhh why are you in this “relationship” ?

Crunchymum · 08/08/2021 10:37

I just don't get this at all.

He lives with another woman? He didn't tell you about her (or his kids?) until a few months down the line?

He still lives with this woman but there is ANOTHER ex in the picture?

Fuck me, set your bar a bit higher.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 08/08/2021 10:48

Dump this shithead. Why are you putting up with this? You know you are allowed to leave someone don’t you?

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 08/08/2021 10:50

apparently they don't get on very well certainly since their youngest was born.

I can’t imagine why.

spongedod · 08/08/2021 11:44

No never met his ex or his kids, he goes home for dinner at the same time most nights.

Where does he go home to? One of these ex house?

MarianneUnfaithful · 08/08/2021 11:47

He is untrustworthy and cowardly and doesn’t respect you.

OK, when couples break up there is often messy stuff to sort out, like they have both booked to attend a wedding, housing, finding a new flat etc.
He could have told you about the wedding booking and his livjng situation and paid you the compliment of trusting you to understand, or else to make your own decision, e.g “I’m interested but maybe let’s talk more once you are disentangled’.

As it is he sees fit to try and control you and your decisions within the relationship.

Dump him: you never know, you might see more of him as his ex, seems to be his way!

Galassia · 08/08/2021 11:48

He goes home at tea time?

Oh come on!

Original poster
Crazyforyooo · 08/08/2021 11:55

@spongedod

No never met his ex or his kids, he goes home for dinner at the same time most nights.

Where does he go home to? One of these ex house?

He goes home to where his kids live. He stays there 3 or 4 nights a week and obviously pays the rent bills etc The girl he went to the wedding with is now just a friend and work colleague, I believe that.
OP posts:
Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 08/08/2021 11:55

You’ve been together for 2 years and not met his DC. He also goes home for dinner at the same time most nights?!?!?!?

Give your head a wobble! He’s having an affair and you’re the OW!

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 11:55

You've been together two years, love each other and you haven't met his kids and the ex all of whom he lives with?

Everything about this is wrong. The earlier stuff is bizarre too.

I don't think you're in the relationship you believe you are

spongedod · 08/08/2021 11:59

He goes home to where his kids live. He stays there 3 or 4 nights a week and obviously pays the rent bills etc

Oh for goodness sake. This guy is not your Partner. Do yourself a favour and tell him to fuck off.

Redglitter · 08/08/2021 12:00

After seeing your updates personally I think the friends wedding issue is the least of your worries

PomegranateQueen · 08/08/2021 12:00

You are the other woman OP Sad

Kinneddar · 08/08/2021 12:01

No never met his ex or his kids, he goes home for dinner at the same time most nights

Shes not his ex.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2021 14:10

Is this for real? You’re worried about a holiday two years ago when the blokes clearly married /in a stable primary relationship and having an affair with you?