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Original poster

Just burst in to tears. Again. I am so lonely.

48 replies

Amandasummers · 07/08/2021 17:49

I just don’t know how much more of this tedious existence I can stand. I’m alone all the time (bar my children) I have no friends, my family isn’t close….the fact that I’ve not even mentioned my partner really says everything about that side of things. I’m just lonely. So painfully lonely. I’m broke. Everything’s a struggle. I just can’t be bothered with it all anymore. I don’t see how it would ever possibly improve. I have no hobbies or interests, I’ve never made friends with the school mums. Every friendship I’ve ever had has always been one sided. I just hate my life and then I look at my kids and I feel so guilty for feeling that way. I only have my smallest here at the moment. He saw me crying and came to cuddle me (he’s 3) and it just breaks my heart. I’m scared my kids will end up like me, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t know why I’m even posting here, what can anybody say? I know there isn’t anything.

OP posts:

TheAverageUser · 07/08/2021 17:51

I'm so sorry, loneliness is awful. Do you have things / interests you used to have before you had kids? Was it different before them? x

LaMariposa · 07/08/2021 17:51

I’m so sorry for you.
I don’t have advice but we can chat on here if you like? I’m suffering with anxiety myself at the moment (climate change related) and also wondering what the point of everything is.
I don’t have a huge amount of friends and social media only exacerbates everything as everyone seems happy and positive all the time.

DoingItMyself · 07/08/2021 17:58

Therapy. Talking therapies, NHS, get yourself on waiting lists.

Mindfulness. YouTube, it's all there.

Facebook memes. Not toxic positivity, just follow some pages that give gentle reminders that you, as you are, are enough.

I can say, from my own experience, that people who are very unhappy can be happy again. I can say, from my own experience, that strength comes when you learn that you, yourself, are enough and you don't need other people. Let them come and go. You are always with yourself.

Original poster

Amandasummers · 07/08/2021 18:00

Thank you both for being kind. I just can’t stop crying! I’m filled with frustration that I don’t know how to change any of this. Nobody can force friendships or relationships or change their families ways. I have never really had any particular hobbies. Even before kids. All I’ve ever wanted was kids and marriage and to be some stupid stepford wife who la de das about trying rl make everyone happy and I never imagined that I would end up this unhappy. It’s just such an awful feeling. I feel so stuck

OP posts:

dailydoseses · 07/08/2021 18:02

Massive hugs

I basically just posted the same thing.

I feel completely the same as you. I work my children will follow my cycle too.

If you can try applying for therapy and maybe a drs appointment. I got to talk once to a dr and it helped a lot but then I was faced with 6 months waiting list.

Im thinking of looking for something to join which would force me to make friends and I'm trying for a job or uni. Just anything to give me a sense of me outside of the kids.

MarshaBradyo · 07/08/2021 18:03

I’m so sorry
Loneliness is very tough for anyone

I really hope there’s something that can start to turn it around

namechangeat11pm · 07/08/2021 18:07

I feel so sorry for you OP, I’m in such a similar situation. Extremely lonely, it’s awful. Have you looked for any meet ups on Meetup.com maybe? Or is there a sport you enjoy that you could join a club of?

It is hard though isn’t it, I’ve never really been able to make friends for the whole of my life, I was the same when I was a kid. I’d love just to have a friend or two, I feel really envious of people with big, happy friendship groups.

Aztec283y · 07/08/2021 18:14

I've felt like this for large parts of my life, its really upsetting especially when you do make friends and then they ghost you for no apparent reason. I do now have a small group of friends.

My advice is that your chance to make connections is when your ds starts school. I know you say you've never managed to make friends with the school mums before but it's worth another try. You really have to put yourself out there though. Lots of invites for play dates, a whole class party to get all the phone numbers. See it almost as dating. You just need to make the 1 connection.

I was desperately lonely when I first had my DS and it took me until he was 5 to meet someone who wanted to be my friend.

ceffylgwyn20 · 07/08/2021 18:15

I could of written this myself and have done on a few other posts, my life has been moving around the world for the past 15 years, making friends losing them, then realising they were never really friends..
my closest friend is 4 hours away, I have holidays off work this week, and would of loved to have gone and seen her for a few days, but can't justify leaving my children without a car, and stuck in the house, so im sat alone, me and my husband have nothing in common our marriage has been dead for years, he's just not willing to accept it.
x

Cherryana · 07/08/2021 18:20

I really really know and understand. I experience many of the things you describe too.

Something I did recently which gave me a boost and feel less alone was Six Pack Reveloution. We are not besties but it allowed me to connect with some people and also because the exercise is all at home I could actually do it. By getting to the end of the official programme many of us have stayed in touch via WhatsApp. Also it gave me a sense of achievement and that has helps my confidence.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that during the programme I made some big decisions and now I am off to I uni in September. It sparked something and now I feel more hopeful and excited for the future.

Lulu1919 · 07/08/2021 18:21

I'm so sorry to read this is how you are feeling....loneliness is horrible
I sometimes feel like this ....I work in a school and I can find school holidays very lonely as my husband works long hours and so I'm home alone a lot.

I'm not saying you ARE depressed ...but maybe a chat to the doctor ...see what he or she thinks ?

Sorry I've no solid advice ..but always happy to chat

Thepathofleastresistance · 07/08/2021 18:29

I really really really understand. I think your kids younger than mine but I am useless at making and hanging onto friends. I wake up in the middle of the night and ruminate about where I went wrong... Lost quite a few friends (who distances themselves from me) during lockdown and now I really feel like I don't have anyone. I spend days alone with kids and feel like I'm sinking into depression with no motivation to do anything. Trying to find work st the moment to help me get back Into a normal pattern and introduce new people to my daily life. I have adhd so tend to get told I'm too much... my whole life. Biggest hug to you. It hurts. Some days are worse than others though abs you should consider ADs if you feel very bad (which it sounds like you do).

Marcee · 07/08/2021 18:31

How old are your kids?

Can you get a part time job?

I know when I was on mat leave I felt so low. Getting out of the house regularly, some adult conversation helps so much.

HavelockVetinari · 07/08/2021 18:32

Where are you in the country?

HavelockVetinari · 07/08/2021 18:33

Ish, I mean. You don't need to give exact details, but it might help people give suggestions

ButterflyAway · 07/08/2021 18:36

This was me last year. A year on and I work full time, I have friends, I have a bit of a social life and my kids.

You won’t stay lonely forever, you just need to decide what you want in life and go for it. I spent 10 months in counselling to accept that the only person holding me back and keeping me in the position I was in, was me. Good luck

Saffystow · 07/08/2021 18:40

I'm so sorry to read this. I am here and happy to chat if that is something you would like to do.

Bubbletiers · 07/08/2021 18:44

Loneliness is so tough. I’m 32, the pandemic has isolated me and I have times I just sit and wonder why I’m so lonely- I have good friends but I’m one of the single ones (I’d love a family).
I bought a dog she keeps me company but I don’t recommend this- try and throw yourself into fun things with your children, can you make friends through them?

I like listening to podcasts too. Especially “Happy not perfect”. It has helped me more than therapy, but I’m actively able to change a few things about my lifestyle.

What I mean to say is….. I feel you. 💐

Do small things you like. And each morning write down 5 things you’re grateful for - your health, your children, your home, anything - even nice flowers.

I’ve tried to find happiness in the much more basic things in life. But company is also crucial.

MissyB1 · 07/08/2021 18:46

Do you get any time away from the kids? Would it be possible to join an exercise class or something like park run? Exercise is good for our mental health, but can also help you to feel a part of something.
Or how about an online course or evening class? It’s not about looking for friends as such, more about fulfilment and stimulation for yourself. This will help with your self esteem. Also do you read? If not maybe get into that, lots of book threads on here.

It’s hard when you can’t see a way out, but there are ways out I promise.

1forAll74 · 07/08/2021 18:54

You may be able to find some site online, where other very lonely and sad people will post.. communicating this way might help you, knowing others are in the same situation as yourself. and will help you to release some feelings that you have about your life etc.. You don't have to go out, or spend money etc.

Camphillgirl · 07/08/2021 18:55

Where I live we have walking for health and babes with babes so you get to meet other mums and little ones and enjoy some outdoor exercise as well. Find out if there’s a group near you take a deep breath and join. HV May know.

tempester28 · 07/08/2021 18:55

Things can get better! I think what stood out for me is that you said you have no hobbies. Find something to get interested in and excited about. If you have small kids and not much spare cash/time then it is not always easy but you can start by thinking about what you might be interested in then read up on it before you get involved. The reading up could be enough to lift your spirits to start with.

Beechview · 07/08/2021 18:57

Go on your local Facebook page and Netmums and see if there are any get togethers or summer activities that you can join in with. With and without your dc.
If there aren’t any, you could put a notice up yourself to see if anyone with dc similar ages wants to meet for a picnic in the park. You might get responses from people in a similar situation.
This is what I did when I first had dc and was lonely. I then arranged to meet for weekly walks and joined a book club.

Peoniesandpeaches · 07/08/2021 19:24

Since you mentioned having wanted to be a stepford wife what about something like the WI where there’s lots of baking and home making type stuff?
Though I do second exercise type groups as being a good shout - it kills 2 birds with 1 stone as it helps with your mood too.

Winemewhynot · 07/08/2021 19:46

You have children and a partner, that’s a lot more than some people.

Please try to see the positives in life.

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