Have any of you successfully tackled hoarding?

[hoarderhelp]

I'm autistic and have ocd and you'd think that would make me really organised, but actually it's the opposite.

I think my flat is at hoarding level 4 or 5 according to this picture, and I'm trying to tackle it. Have any of you succeeded in this? I keep going to bin things and then think "what if I need it?"

Or, "this is too good to throw away, I should offer it online instead" - but then people never collect it when I try or can only collect a week later and I change my mind.

We have similar problems, perhaps not at the same level as you but lots of clothing that is too good to chuck and i hope I will slim into. Loft is rammed, a lot of clutter. I keep buying stuff from charity shops and then never using it. I have kept toys and things from my own kids to save for future grandkids but we have way too much stuff and we have just been saying this morning that we have to do something soon. I hope you mange to get on top of things,

Do you want to try making a pact together or something?

I've made myself chuck out four bin bags this morning so far. I've got three more on the go.

I'm about to try and go through my wardrobe which is crammed full of clothes I literally never wear. I think I need to just get rid of them and not fall into the "I should eBay these one day" trap.

It's so wasteful though.

I need to do this. It's so stupid. People across the world in poverty, and we grew up so poor, I know what that's like.

Just bumping in case someone's made it through or knows a really good place to get help

@hoarderhelp

Do you want to try making a pact together or something?

I've made myself chuck out four bin bags this morning so far. I've got three more on the go.

I'm about to try and go through my wardrobe which is crammed full of clothes I literally never wear. I think I need to just get rid of them and not fall into the "I should eBay these one day" trap.

It's so wasteful though.

Well done for throwing away so much today already 😁 I'm only just thinking about starting 🙄

I don't really have the excuse of the charity shops being shut anymore lol

That's doable. Do you have a friend who could help you get started?

Hey OP,

Hoarding is very much a mindset, often when we attach memories or thoughts to items, exactly like you have said above. I am prone to hoarding, but I strongly resist to try and keep at bay.

Some things that have helped me:

• tackle it in a systematic way, so you can see progress. Plus you must remember that you aren’t just ‘tidying’ which is a mindless thing,’it’s returning items to the place they belong. You have to make ‘a decision’ on each item (to stay, or go and where) and that can be tiring, lead to decision-making fatigue and for you to want to delay it and ‘do it later’.
• For example, if you think you are level 4-5 in the picture above, and just say that picture was of your room, I would stay with the white chair - spend 30 mins one day decluttering everything on the chair. NOT just putting stuff the stuff there elsewhere, but dealing with each item - clothes in drawers/wash, items thrown out. Items for charity etc. Then, you have achieved an empty chair. A part of the room is clear. (You may even decide you don’t need the chair itself! But baby-steps).
• Then, Day two - look at your empty chair and remember how good it felt to create that. Nothing is going to clutter it up and stop it being a chair you can sit on again. Then pick another area. Again, looking at the photos I’d pick the second white chair in photo 5 or the top of the bed in photo 4. Again - you are looking for 30-60 mins jobs, that give you a whole area at a time. It also helps if the area should be clear anyway. Eg nothing except sheets should be on a bed, nothing on a chair etc. whereas bedside tables can have a few things. At the start, you probably won’t be well calibrated to gauge how much “should be” on a bookcase, bedside table etc, so better to stick with known empty spaces.
• keep going. Hopefully a sense of accomplishment at your quick wins kicks in, and by the time you get to bigger areas that might take longer or a few days, your pride in decluttering and how good the space is starting to look will help push you through.
• sometimes good to start with an ‘easy room’. Depends on who you are, but sometimes the laundry or bathroom or kitchen or dining are easy, as they should only have laundry or bathroom or kitchen or dining stuff in them. If you have an extra suitcase of clothes in there - you have too many and they should go. Or books or a chair or aunt Mary’s special deck of cards…..if the only place it fits is the laundry, then you have too much stuff and it has to go. Spare rooms are often the hardest to declutter, as they are the first to get the overflow (winter clothes, hobby stuff etc).

Things to think to help with the mind traps:

• if I think “this is too good to throw away” I GIVE to a charity shop. All the hassle of Facebook Marketplace or Ebay is a delaying tactic. One day a week drop of your box of stuff to the charity shop and drive off and forget about it.
• if you think “what if I donate this and I might need it again?” Then think, i haven’t thought of this item in the 5 years that I didn’t know it was here. Now IF that really happens and once I have emptied the flat I think of it again, I can buy it again. Either a nicer, newer one than this one. Or on eBay/gumtree. Someone else will be selling it. Top tip - I have never thrown out anything and regretted it later. I have found childhood books and all manner of things on s day which does give me confidence that if I ever did mistakenly throw something out, I could find it to buy again, if I was patient.
• if you think “this reminds me of Aunt Sally/a better time” then take a photo of the item and still move it out of your life. I allow myself one box of physical memories. An old teddy, a doll, a certain dress, high school yearbooks and jerseys, but that is it. This can be dangerous to allow yourself when setting out, but if you are smart about it, it can make it easier to let go of something’s. Now, if want to put something in the box, I usually have a look through and remove something else.
• finally, I read once that hoarding can be associated with not wanting to let go (and so surprisingly also associated with weight gain/holding on to weight). It can be a lot of mental work. So if you have 3 good days, and then need a day off, give it to yourself. You have made alot of emotional decisions in that time and sometimes you need a day or two to let your mind catch up with them, otherwise you can’t make the next lot of decisions. Just don’t go backwards and through things you have already decided on!

Could you take your clothes etc and do a cat boot sale?

Sorry - very long posts, but some other tips:

-it helped me me decided what a ‘normal person’ would have, and work to that. Eg if you think a normal person should have 2 pairs of bedsheets and doona covers for summer and 2 for winter, then anything extra must go. If you have 6 winter sets, because you love florals and one is very comfy and the other is only for those super cold nights etc. Then you stop, and say 2 per season, pick them out and throw out the rest. If you stuff it up and you do need more, you can always buy more once this is done! This can be helpful for towels, candles etc.

• another tip is to watch some TV shows on this - YouTube has them “The Hoarders next door” etc. watching them showed me the mindset and horrified me that left unchecked I could go that way. Some shows have mental health professionals in them too, where they try and work with people. which shows the mindset. It’s helpful to hear what they say. When trying to tackle my last (and worst!) room, my study, I used to watch an episode of the show before I did my 30-60 mins cleaning as pre-motivation. It was very helpful!

Finally, I can’t tell you how much I love living in a home where I love every item, every item has a place and is seen and is light and airy and not weighed down by stuff. I hope you create a small bit of that by doing your first chair, and don’t stop until your whole flat feels like that.

Perhaps post photos on here for motivation? By this time tomorrow, you could have your first ‘chair’ or small corner of your flat back. In 100 days, you could have your whole life :)

There's a lovely hoarders thread on the housekeeping board. Very supportive and lots of helpful tips. I lurk but don't post

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar thank you so much.

Yesterday I binned 8 full rubbish bags and took a car literally packed full of cardboard to the tip. I also delivered 9 small bags of books to the charity store and 2 bags of clothes. In the evening I had a minor meltdown worrying about it, but I got over it.

Today I have 4 more big bags of books to take to the charity store tomorrow. Later today I will take another bag of rags for the tip, along with two old fire extinguishers, two bags of old shoes, three bags of paper.

I am too ashamed to post pictures but i am slowly seeing tiny improvements.

Just wanted to say well done! That's an amazing start, I hope you're able to keep the ball rolling and that your success is motivating you.

My parents are hoarders, to the extent that myself and my DS are not able to go and visit them despite them having a 4 bed house as there is not room for us to stay over and it's unsafe for my son. I can see the tendencies in myself too, and my house is definitely too cluttered. I find it the decision making part of sorting things very stressful, so just bury my head in the sand and avoid doing it.

Huge well done for binning all that OP. Keep going. It should get easier and eventually you will make the decision on what to obtain or not at an earlier stage. Take pleasure in empty surfaces rather than in the individual items. Well done you.

Thank you! Made it to the tip and got rid of about 7 bags of paper and 2 bags of rags in the end.

It was incredibly busy and I got a bit nervous so I left a load of stuff in the boot, but I'm going to make myself go again tomorrow.

I need to work out how to get rid of some furniture eventually too but I'm in a top floor flat and can't move it myself.

I'm sorry you can't spent time with your parents @Custardslice3. It's a fine line between "just" cluttered and hoarding and if you're on the right side of it I'm sure it's fine, even if it's just a bit busy.

Gumtree, and Facebook selling sites are your friend. Advertise pics of furniture as collection only and make a tenner per item and treat yourself to a takeaway (not more items haha).
If you don't want the hassle of selling contact a local charity and ask if they would like donations. There are hospice and ymca charities in my area who collect furniture to sell in their shop and raise money for great causes.
Keep going!

It sounds like you've made a great start, OP. :)

You know on the 'What if I need it' front -- you could counter that with these thoughts:

"If I wanted this, would I remember I had it & know where to find it?" Get rid of you don't know where you'd put it to be sure to find it again. Put it now in the right place if you think you will remember it.

also

"Do I already have loads of other things pretty much just like it?" If yes, then choose your favourite Xmany and release the others to a charity shops for others to benefit from.

Xmany = how many you could imagine getting use out of over the next 3-5 years. Some people would drop that threshold to 1 year.

Slightly OT but I chanced upon a lovely tv programme where hoarders swapped houses and cleared each other’s house out.

They chose really delightful and respectful hoarders and they took such care to keep things they thought would be precious to the occupants.

Then they all met up for a chat!

I wish I could remember what it was called.

Also, my house was cluttered so I sold lots of stuff on EBay and FB marketplace and used the money to overpay my mortgage. That way, I could see the money building up (or rather, chipping away at the total).

Could you sell things for a holiday fund or similar?

Sounds like you’re doing well.

I would recommend The Minimalists podcasts, Audiobooks or documentary to listen to whilst you declutter. Not saying you will become a minimalist, but they are good motivation. Remember, the items are already a sunk cost, and don’t waste too much time & effort in selling them for a minimal monetary return. To start with ‘have I used this in the last 2 years?’ then get more ruthless.
Personally I find clothes & books easiest. Miscellaneous clutter is harder as it really needs to have an assigned place where it is stored with like things, and you need to create swing room for that.
Getting rid of a few large items is great for a feeling of more space.

Getting stuff out of the house ASAP is key to making progress, not waiting for Ebay, Freecycle, Facebook selling etc.

Sometimes I find the question ‘If this was broken/lost in a fire, would I replace it?’ helps me to decide if I should keep something or not. I also look for things on eBay/Amazon, not to sell them but to find out how much the item would be to replace if I suddenly decide that I need another one in the future.
When it comes to selling things, sometimes I look at a box of items and imagine the best price I would get if I managed to sell it all. Often it’s under £50, then I realise that I can’t actually be bothered!

Charity shop, hippo bag and Marie kondo got me through!

The thing is about keeping things because you can't bear to throw them in the bin is you just make your whole house into a bin and then try to live in it. Don't live in the bin.

Same goes for food - don't use your body as a bin. Don't use your home as a bin.

I found this framing useful for myself. Good luck.

Accept that some of the trigger may be about loss, childhood etc so it may be hard at times, but you can, nonetheless, make progress, and if you can make progress, eventually you can win.

My house is more or less tidy but "there but for the grace of....". I have a hoarder's head.
I find it so hard to go through stuff and chuck things out. I have lost all of the family I had when I was a little child and it's not a huge leap to say I have transferred attachment to things. Just shredding old bank statements was emotionally exhausting. Really! I mean, how silly that sounds! But that's how I felt.

I find putting stuff in bags and boxes "to go" (charity, eBay, bin, whatever) is a helpful interim step. I have boxed up a bunch of books but the charity shop appointment isn't for another couple of weeks, and I feel more relaxed because, I guess, I've had time to come to terms with that decision.

Similarly I'm going to do a multi step process with clothes I think - set them aside for donation and then actually donate a month or two later.

Lastly - I am currently away on a break and that makes it easier to consider "rehoming" stuff - exposure to different living environments can inspire positive change and make you see that you're doing this to make space to live your life.

Libraries also accept books in good condition. I took a load of mine to the library with the thought that if I regret it I can just borrow them to reread.