Will - would you do anything to even things up or just split equally?

[ExpressDelivery]

Situation is well to do parents in their 80s have 2 daughters now in their 50s. Both married with 2 children each. Both the daughters and both the husbands had decent white collar jobs, not high earning professionals, but higher than average salaries.

Parents have offered both families lots of practical, but not financial help, over the years which is fine, the daughters never wanted or needed money, but appreciated the help.

All good, on the face if it very easy to split equally between the daughters, the grandchildren or a mixture.

However, DD1 was widowed young while her children were still teenagers. There was some life insurance and she earns enough to support herselfbut now nowhere near as comfortable as before. There will be much less available to support the grandchildren with e.g. a first car or a first home. Her husband has no parents so DGC won't inherit elsewhere.

DD2's husband has just had a large inheritance (six figures) from a "spinster" aunt and his parents are very wealthy. He has one sibling. So those DGC are very well placed for the future.

Would you be "fair" by splitting your legacy equally or would you see fair as weighting it in favour of the more "disadvantaged" DGC?

It's causing the couple some trauma in deciding what's right.

I have 3 DDs - one is much better off than the others (through hard work, I have to say - no windfalls). I plan to split equally. They can then choose what to do if they feel one has greater needs.

@Kinsters

Have the grandparents actually passed away already? I wouldn't bother agonising over what to do until it actually comes to pass.

They can't write a will after they die?

Another vote for an equal split. No-one knows what the future holds.

@lljkk

In an ideally adult world, the couple in 80s just talk to their DDs about their needs & how would they feel about an unequal split.

The well-off DD might propose a 40:60 split, for instance.

I think there’s a good bit more risk in this approach than you might think. Once you move away from equal split, you allow that something other than the parent-child status should dictate the split. Even if wealthy daughter says yes now to 60/40, it’s not impossible for widowed daughter to start to think, when the tine comes, that actually her hardship is worth a little bit more than the 10% adjustment and XYZ that have happened since make it even more unfair etc. So you could easily end up with the situation of division and resentment that presumably loving parents would have wanted to avoid. I think an equal split between the two children (with some smaller legacies directly to the grandchildren if desired) is the best way to eliminate risk of resentment or sibling rows.

Helping the widowed daughter or her children during the parents’ lifetimes is a good suggestion - even if financially the result ends up similar to an uneven division in the will, there is much less emotion. Wills can be felt as “£££ = how much I love you”, whatever the intention of the testator.

I don't think the daughters would come to an arrangement afterwards anyway. Both would consider that what was in the will reflected the parents' wishes and be reluctant to change anything.

It's causing the couple some trauma in deciding what's right.

They are in their 80s, why is this causing them trauma? Why have they not made wills before now?

Equal split.

Absolutely split it equally. Unless the parents want to damage the relationship between siblings. Siblings should never be penalised for being successful, or lucky etc. Anything could happen in future. What if the other DH dies, or runs off, or goes bankrupt, remarries and cuts his DC out of his will. What if the widowed daughter remarries a millionaire, wins the lottery etc?

The parents can't predict the future, and shouldn't try and make up for bad luck for one daughter, as that punishes the other daughter for her lack of bad luck (so far).

I'm guessing you are the widowed daughter and resent your sister?

Purplewithred your bitterness is very apparent and to be honest you sound unpleasant. That poor person has lost both his parents and seemingly his grandparents. My BIL lost his mum when he was seven. He has received a significant inheritance meaning that they live in a beautiful house and own various rental properties and send their children to private schools. I would never begrudge them this. I'm sure he'd rather have had him mum there and for his children to have had a grandmother.
We are far less well off than my sister but I would never expect to get more. To be honest I wouldn't expect anything.
If I had to make a decision like this I would probably ensure that all my dgc received a larger equal share and then split the rest equally between the daughters.

Equal split every time - as parents you have no idea what will happen to your DC in the future.

My will is split 50/50 between two daughters but, if one dies before me, everything will go to the one daughter, with a request to give the other grandchildren something and I know she will. I don't consider it my duty to provide an inheritance for grandchildren, even though we all very close, that is the parents' responsibility.

Equally. Anything else can cause massive issues.

There's been threads recently where wills were split unequally resulting in siblings no longer having contact with each other.
Split evenly.
You can't base a money decision on one set of grandkids not having the same start in life. Who's to say that set of grandkids won't end up marrying into money, getting well paid jobs etc, whilst the other wealthier grandkids could end up throwing their money up a wall on drink and drugs or bad investments.
Neither could happen, both could happen, but ultimately life is what you make of it and you make it from the cards you are dealt

I'd split evenly. It is less about the money and more about the emotional pain of an uneven split.

@gobackanddoitproperly

I’d split equally but would probably help out the widowed daughter more financially while I was alive. If she needed it. Or the grandchildren.

I agree with this.

I would split equally

tbh, in my experience, no estate I know about was split equally.

Also, Sometimes one of the kids gets way more money before the parent(s) die, too, and this extra support isn't accounted for in the will. The unfair distribution goes back years.

So I start from a position of not expecting a remotely "equal" split in reality. In my mind, the unequal split has nothing to do with who was more or less loved. I acknowledge that most people have a much more simplistic way of looking at inheritance, wills, estates.

I agree with everyone else that an explicit on paper equal split is best way to go in most situations.

@ExpressDelivery no need to be snarky, I misread and then corrected myself.

Equal split

Split equally. It's the only fair way. The widowed dd could later marry a rich guy or come into money a different way. Will she be expected to give back unequal inheritance?!

Causes loads of residual resentment after death if given less than a sibling. Makes you feel less loved.

My sister is about 4 times richer than me. Her husband is also likely to inherit around £750,000 plus. We are not going to get anything from DHs side of the family. I am riddled with health problems so unlikely to improve our financial situation
My parents had a very candid conversation with me this year saying they were thinking of swaying the inheritance a bit to me. I have categorically asked them not to. My sister would be very upset if she felt it unequal. Though we get on really well sibling rivalry and insecurity runs deep for everyone. Money would be worth resentment or hurt.

My grandad left an equal amount to all children, and an equal, smaller amount to all grandchildren. I'm the poorest of the grandchildren but it was an absolute fortune to me.

My household earns a vast amount less than my sibling's household. There would be no expectation whatsoever of an unequal inheritance at the end but while they are alive my parents do help me out more - recent "gifts" have been to cover a school trip, dentistry costs, a new laptop for DD starting Uni etc. I don't suppose they even discuss this with my sibling whose household is better off even than my parents are, and sibling would not care anyway.

@GOODCAT

Split equally. It is entirely possible that other life events will more adversely affect the wealthier child. Not for parents to even up, better to treat their children equally.

This 100%

I think I would be giving extra help to the widowed DD each year. Up to the maximum without having to declare for tax purposes.

So I would give the poorer DD money and the DGC (an investment of some sort) I would do this each year before I died. The other DD needn't know about this so no ill will. I would then split what is left between the 2 DD.

I am often amazed that older people keep their huge houses and investments and wait till they die. I am not in that incredible position of being wealthy (not saying the grandparents in th OP are) but I think I would want to share wealth with my children to help them before I die. But as I said, I might change my mind the closer I get!!

I actually think this is ok because the poorer DD was a victim of circumstance not choice.