Will - would you do anything to even things up or just split equally?

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Situation is well to do parents in their 80s have 2 daughters now in their 50s. Both married with 2 children each. Both the daughters and both the husbands had decent white collar jobs, not high earning professionals, but higher than average salaries.

Parents have offered both families lots of practical, but not financial help, over the years which is fine, the daughters never wanted or needed money, but appreciated the help.

All good, on the face if it very easy to split equally between the daughters, the grandchildren or a mixture.

However, DD1 was widowed young while her children were still teenagers. There was some life insurance and she earns enough to support herselfbut now nowhere near as comfortable as before. There will be much less available to support the grandchildren with e.g. a first car or a first home. Her husband has no parents so DGC won't inherit elsewhere.

DD2's husband has just had a large inheritance (six figures) from a "spinster" aunt and his parents are very wealthy. He has one sibling. So those DGC are very well placed for the future.

Would you be "fair" by splitting your legacy equally or would you see fair as weighting it in favour of the more "disadvantaged" DGC?

It's causing the couple some trauma in deciding what's right.

I think if I had any cash I would hand it to the child who had less money now but in the event of my death everything would be split between the two equally.

Split equally. DD2 might divorce. They both already own a property so are equal in that sense. No siblings are ever exactly equal financially. Unequal split will cause friction between the siblings.

Each DP can give £3000 per person now per year without any impacts on Inheritance tax. I'd keep the will as it is but maybe look at handing a bit out now if it would be useful.

In an ideally adult world, the couple in 80s just talk to their DDs about their needs & how would they feel about an unequal split.

The well-off DD might propose a 40:60 split, for instance.

In my family this has happened - siblings with massively different financial situations. One has been very successful in his career and one is on benefits. Their parents split the inheritance equally.

Equal split.

Split it equally.
Life deals people different hands. The "rich" daughter and her husbands fortunes could easily change such that the "poor widow" is the wealthier.
Its not like one is a multimillionaire and one is living below the poverty line.

Equal split only.

Split evenly

If I were the well-to-do parents I’d want to make sure my children and grandchildren were treated equally by me. You can’t compensate for life happening.

However, I would look at my finances now, pre-death, and try to help my less advantaged grandchildren/ease the burden on my widowed daughter. Ideally this would be transparent if everyone gets on OK, but if there would be any hurt feelings between the daughters then tread carefully. I’m thinking you could approach it in discussion about making sure each grandchild has funds for university, cars etc. Do DD2 and her DH have this planned - what do they anticipate being able to do for their DC? Great - because you’ve been thinking about this in terms of DD2’s DC and you were hoping to help put them in a similar position now their dad has died by giving a little more on 18th birthday/into a trust for 21 etc. You’d be giving ALL DGC money on these occasions but just maybe a bit more overall to the less well off GC. How does DD2 feel about that? Reassurance that the inheritance is split equally etc.

Equal split.

But if Dd1’s offspring are struggling they might help them out with a gift that makes a difference from time to time.

*The outcome of all this

• the (grown up) grandchild she knew least because he lived on the other side of the world his whole life, and who had already inherited substantial sums from both parents and a set of grandparents, inherited more than the two daughters who had cared for her in her last 10 years of life*

If your nephew has already received inheritances from his parents and grandparents then presumably that is because all those people are dead? So he is a young adult with no living close family at all? Poor lad. But your main emotion is resentment that he got more money than you. (Due to his dead mum?)

I think that you are underestimating how valuable (and nice) it is to have a living parent in your 20s and 30s.

Equal split every time.

The only time I would not do an equal split is if one child had a lifelong disability.
I'm always amazed when people expect more money because they have provided care for their parents when they are old. If you are caring for your parents with the expectation you will be paid for your troubles then you should at least let everyone including siblings know.
I provide care for my parents and have 3 siblings who don't. I'm glad my parents will split their wills equally.

Equally.

I know my children will be worse off than their cousin, and I know we are worse of than sil, but I still expect fil to split equally.

Equally. My parents have done this and are incredibly fair (and generous) when it comes to helping me and my siblings out. We each have different financial situations but one is not favoured over the other.

Definitely equally. You don't know what the future holds, or what the daughter's in-laws will do.

I would split equally & hope that my dc had a good enough relationship that they would help each other out.
DD2 husband could die or they might not receive another inheritance & DD1 could marry again or win money.

Could you say leave 20k to each gc so they all have a deposit for a property?

I would split unevenly. I would explain to other dd why and it wasn't due to her being loved any less just wanting to ensure both ok after our death.

Equally.

My dbros wife inherited a good amount a couple of years ago from her dad. She is likely to inherit well from her mum as well.

I would be really shocked if my mum and dad wanted to give me more because of this. My dp has no parents to inherit from.

It should be split equally.

Always, always equal split. I honestly think the risk of bad feeling is much higher otherwise.

I'd speak to the daughters about it all and plan a 60/40 split

Another saying equally. My Dsis and DBil aren’t likely to have the sort of money that DH and I have due to careers and the fact DH is an only child and DBil is one of four. My parents’ wills split equally between us but I wouldn’t hesitate to give DSis an increased portion if she needs it when the time comes, but I’d be hurt if my parents left me less - it’s not about money, there’s so much more to it. They trust us to make the right choices and look after each other.

(FWIW it’s all academic as I assume it’ll all get swallowed by care fees but like I say, it’s emotions not cash that matter here)

I'd consider using the 'gifts free of IHT' allowances every year to help the less well off (£3000 pa plus unlimited £250s out of excess income, or something like that), but then do the will equally.

Split equally.

I’d split equally but would probably help out the widowed daughter more financially while I was alive. If she needed it. Or the grandchildren.