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Original poster

I had a call from HMRC....

64 replies

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 19:51

So today I had a call from a man from HMRC...
He said I was being investigated for tax fraud...
He said he could arrange a solicitor for me...
And when I said "How exciting!", he told me to "Fuck off"

I don't think he works for HMRC

OP posts:
Honestmary · 06/08/2021 20:52

@LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE. Absolutely, I mean, I was quite put out as I’m sure I would have been in for a few million but they actually hung up on me! Now where’s that Nigerian princes email address…….

CityCommuter · 06/08/2021 20:52

@LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE brilliant response lol! I answered a similar call frim 'them' also and I said I communicate with your department daily so I must know you then as I work for HMRC, what's your surname and will look you up on the in-house system... he then slammed the phone down on me!

MsTSwift · 06/08/2021 20:54

I was told a warrant was out for my arrest and all my goods would be seized! Said in dramatic tones by a retired actor type recorded message. Call was before 8am too early birds those “HMRC” staff 😁

WeatherwaxOn · 06/08/2021 20:55

Someone rang out home business line yesterday to talk to DH. Apparently they were from some important business promotion venture.
I said that he was out wrestling vagrant crocodiles. The man on the other end of the line said he would call back later. He didn't.

Original poster
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 20:56

Just watching a YouTube video about exorcism... Maybe I need to try this if I get another call ...

OP posts:
GreenTortoise · 06/08/2021 20:58

I had a man tell me I had a warrant out for my arrest and expect the police to be knocking at my door. I said ooer make sure they have their handcuffs ready as I do love a man in uniform. They hung up.

AdoraBell · 06/08/2021 20:58

DH had this a few weeks ago, he said he was at work, serious fraud office, they hung up.

saleorbouy · 06/08/2021 20:59

I've had one of those calls to, I asked if it was to do with the Nigerian lottery winnings my lucky pal had put into my account after he emailed for my bank details..... the phone went silent!

Original poster
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 20:59

@GreenTortoise colour me jealous!

OP posts:
HadEnoughOfBears · 06/08/2021 21:01

The lady from HMRC called me a fucking bitch last week when I asked if she would be sending officers in uniform and if they would use handcuffs when they arrested me...

Original poster
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 21:02

@Weatherwaxon, I'm glad someone is keeping our streets safe. I don't want to come across as Herpetophobic but I'm glad your DH is dealing with the everpresent vagrant croc problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 21:03

@HadEnoughOfBears - it's almost like they are frustrated that you want some information rather than blindly handing over your bank details....

OP posts:
NothingIsWrong · 06/08/2021 21:07

Oooh HMRC warned me very sternly that there was a warrant our for my arrest and that the police were looking for me.

Really, says I, considering I work for them, in a police station, they aren't trying very hard. Do you want the address and a couple can pop over from custody to deal with me?

Got told to fuck off. I also think they were not HMRC.

AngryWhompingWillow · 06/08/2021 21:08

@TillyTopper

A few weeks ago I had a call from a man also saying he was from HMRC. I replied "oh for god's sake why don't you fuck off to Scamsville and stay there?" They called back.. it was actually HMRC. Luckily they had a sense of humour.
Grin Brilliant!

@LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE LOLd at your post too Grin Love it!

Original poster
LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 06/08/2021 21:10

@NothingIsWrong - I'm sensing a trend...

I wonder why they then tell us to fuck off... Surely this makes it harder to call back from another number and have another go.

OP posts:
NothingIsWrong · 06/08/2021 21:11

[quote LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE]@NothingIsWrong - I'm sensing a trend...

I wonder why they then tell us to fuck off... Surely this makes it harder to call back from another number and have another go.[/quote]
Honestly, I was giggling as well. I was actually sat at my desk at the time so if the police really wanted me, then I wasn't hard to find!

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/08/2021 21:17

They might be friends with Amazon, who keep calling to kindly thank me for renewing my Prime subscription for £125 and inviting me to press 1 to discuss further. So thoughtful, and so misguided as I don't have a Prime subscription.

AnneElliott · 06/08/2021 21:24

I love collecting new responses to these scams. I sometimes pretend I'm in a police control room and that we're tracing the call for Interpol. They often just hang up after that.

NCA also told me there was a warrant out for my arrest. They then asked me name Hmm and I said it was Dame Lynne Owens. They carried on for a bit until I suggested they google me - yes I'm the Boss! I got told I was a very naughty lady!

I also use my collection of foreign language swear words- benefits of a south London comprehensive!

justaweeone · 06/08/2021 22:12

🤣🤣🤣

Ylvamoon · 06/08/2021 22:18

My response to the HMRC bloke was a simple "I am really busy right now, but free after 3pm, can I please have your name and... " [the barstard put the phone down]

Really inconsiderate if you think about the seriousness of the alleged crime 🙄!

Antsinyourpanta · 06/08/2021 22:21

TillyTopper

A few weeks ago I had a call from a man also saying he was from HMRC. I replied "oh for god's sake why don't you fuck off to Scamsville and stay there?" They called back.. it was actually HMRC. Luckily they had a sense of humour.

🤣🤣
I had similar with the bank a few years ago. I had a couple of calls from the bank but I hung up thinking they were scams. Then my card stopped working. I went into the bank to tell them my card was not working
"We did try to call you...."Blush

...although I probably would still do the same if it happened again!!

OatyBarKid · 06/08/2021 22:23

I believe my last answer to possibly being arrested was 'yes please, the kids are driving me nuts and I'd love not to cook for one fucking day. Can I bring my own tea bags?'

Apparently not, the kids are still driving me nuts and I'm waiting for my free holiday. Sad

PieonaBarm · 06/08/2021 22:24

@NothingIsWrong

Oooh HMRC warned me very sternly that there was a warrant our for my arrest and that the police were looking for me.

Really, says I, considering I work for them, in a police station, they aren't trying very hard. Do you want the address and a couple can pop over from custody to deal with me?

Got told to fuck off. I also think they were not HMRC.

I've done the same. Told them not to bother and I'd cut out the middle man, arrest myself and pop myself down to custody if they could just give me the warrant number. Hung up on me 🤷‍♂️

sleeponeday · 06/08/2021 22:32

I had one of these. My husband's a senior fraud investigator in HMRC, so I explained that, and that he was currently working from home, and said he could take the call on the recorded line just as soon as I transferred it across.

We got cut off for some reason before I had a chance to transfer to the fictional dedicated line, so I await my imminent arrest.

NothingIsWrong · 06/08/2021 22:40

@PieonaBarm sadly I'd have to persuade an officer to do it as I'm civilian staff, but I'm sure we could come to some arrangement 🤷‍♀️