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Original poster

Do I send thank you cards to everyone?

38 replies

Workyticket · 06/08/2021 10:37

We finally got married 3 weeks ago after a few postponements (thanks Covid)

I'm ordering thank you cards but I'm wondering if we send to everyone who cane even if they were a bit shit on the day?

Brother messaged 3 days before to say 'we've got loads on, just coming for the meal'

I was really hurt but said OK. Didn't want a fight. Gutted that we could have invited 3 others to the evening do if we'd known. The wedding was 1 day before restrictions lifted.

Came with wife and grown up daughter. Watched the ceremony, ate the food and left. No major back story, he's just always been a bit shit with family stuff. Barely spoke to anyone.

They gave us a card.

I don't want to fall out but actually I was really hurt by his / their actions.

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 06/08/2021 10:38

You send thankyou cards for the presents, not for attending. If you got a present thank him. If you're not a formal family then send a thankyou text

Fromage · 06/08/2021 10:40

Thank you if he gave you a gift, otherwise he owes you a thank you for providing a meal.

PolytheneRam · 06/08/2021 10:40

I didn't know thank you cards were a thing, but our wedding was very informal. Do peoole then send a thank you for the thank you card? How does this end?

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Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 10:42

Some people were really generous so definitely want to thank them.

No gift from my brother

OP posts:
ItsSnowJokes · 06/08/2021 10:43

@PolytheneRam

I didn't know thank you cards were a thing, but our wedding was very informal. Do peoole then send a thank you for the thank you card? How does this end?
Thank you cards are a thing for anytime someone gives you a gift surely????? Did you never write thank you cards for birthday or Christmas presents? It is rude to not write a thank you card for a present.
Mrsjayy · 06/08/2021 10:45

Just send thank you for gifts, your brother and family were a waste of actual space you could have had people there who would have enjoyed the day not just eat and run !

Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 10:48

@Mrsjayy

Just send thank you for gifts, your brother and family were a waste of actual space you could have had people there who would have enjoyed the day not just eat and run !
Yup. I'm actually really gutted I didn't just tell him not to bother coming

My other sibling was equally as shit. Not even a card from them. We've not got much family left as I'm 43 and lost grandparents etc very young.

My poor parents had barely anyone there they knew once siblings had fucked off.

Thank god for friends and dh's family. We had a lovely day but they really put the shits on it

OP posts:
PolytheneRam · 06/08/2021 10:52

Nope, never given or received a thank you card for any sort of gift. It might be rude in your world, but it honestly doesn't feature in that of mine and my family/friends.

Is it maybe a class thing? I'm very working class. If someone was to send something through the post I'd send a thank you text, but if it was handed over in person I wouldn't do anything other than say thank you at the time.

It obviously isn't just me because I've given many many gifts and not once had a thank you card.

ZenNudist · 06/08/2021 10:52

Just send cards to thank them for gifts.

Mrsjayy · 06/08/2021 10:53

You had a lovely day try and not dwell on them. Congratulations Flowers

Mercedes519 · 06/08/2021 10:55

I don’t think it’s a class thing - as you’ve said you would thank someone for their gift if you weren’t there when you gave it to them.

Only difference it’s a formal occasion and you could argue you would make more of an effort to say thank you for the gift with a card?

But for gifts yes, not gracing you with his minimal presence. OP, gives you clarity on how much effort to put into that relationship!

Marmitemarinaded · 06/08/2021 11:00

Don’t be petty OP.
You have given this way too much thought
I doubt he will care about a thank you card!
A perfunctory “thank you”
But no need for drama

Or… just don’t bother with thank you cards!

CornishGem1975 · 06/08/2021 11:00

Yes, thank you card to anyone who sent a gift.

I got a thank you text recently which was fine but would have been nice if it hadn't been a copy and paste job.

Marmitemarinaded · 06/08/2021 11:01

We’re these siblings previously good?
Or was this action to be expected from them?

5475878237NC · 06/08/2021 11:01

Yes thank you cards are for gifts of any kind, not for attendance.

Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 11:04

@Marmitemarinaded

We’re these siblings previously good? Or was this action to be expected from them?
They're always shit. I spent years babysitting brother's dsd. She came to the family very young. Bought presents etc. I missed his wife's birthday one year and got called out on it rudely so I stopped bothering

He / they never bothered for ours or our son's

He's always 'busy' and rarely visits my parents despite living really near etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 11:07

actually- he sends the odd amazon voucher code over text for ds' birthday

Didn't expect anything but was genuinely shocked at the last minute wedding fuck off and a bit surprised that someone would attend a wedding with no gift (or even a card like other sibling)

OP posts:
viques · 06/08/2021 11:09

I find this such a strange thing about modern weddings. There is so much thought (and expense and angst) given over to venue, save the dates, hen do, invitations, bridesmaids , dresses, flowers, seating, food, music, first dance, evening food, and entertainment etc etc, yet something as simple as a card saying Thankyou for your gift has fallen by the wayside.

Retires to rocking chair and mumbles through toothless gums about how fings ain’t wot they used to be.

Marmitemarinaded · 06/08/2021 11:11

* They're always shit. *

Well then why did it put a dampener on the day? You shouldn’t have expected anything better.

But don’t taint your wedding day with drama.

Just send a perfunctory card.

Move on. Enjoy your marriage

Give no more head space to this

Elouera · 06/08/2021 11:12

My thankyou cards were printed at home and included pics of the wedding day in the card. I'd also printed off actual photos of some of the guests to give them.

In your case, I wouldn't send your brother a thankyou, because, what would you be thanking him for? Eating your food and giving you a card!!!

I did send thank you cards to some older relatives that couldn't attend on the day, because they loved seeing the pics and really appreciated it.

For those that have never heard of or received a thank you card from a wedding or large event, are you in the UK?

GoodVibesHere · 06/08/2021 11:14

I'm the same as @Polytheneram, I don't give thank you cards, never have. It wouldn't eve occur to me as they're just not necessary. I've never received one either. Do you put them up on a mantlepiece or do they go straight in the bin? Or in a drawer forever?

unicornpower · 06/08/2021 11:46

We sent thank you cards to pretty much everyone i think but the majority bought us gifts/gave us money so I wanted to send a nice card afterwards. My husbands siblings behaved awfully on the day and gave us nothing so we didn't send them one so in your situation i wouldn't be sending one!

bananaboats · 06/08/2021 11:59

I would just send thank you cards for gifts received, not married yet but thats what we did at our engagement party.

TheChosenTwo · 06/08/2021 15:41

If it were me i’d just send the card with a ‘thank you for coming’ message, keeping it simple and polite.

titchy · 06/08/2021 15:45

I'd be tempted to be very passive aggressive and send a thank you card saying 'Thank you soooo much for the card. It was delightful and just what we'd always wanted. We were both so touched that you put such a lot of effort into our special once-in-a-lifetime day.'

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