Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do I send thank you cards to everyone?

38 replies

Workyticket · 06/08/2021 10:37

We finally got married 3 weeks ago after a few postponements (thanks Covid)

I'm ordering thank you cards but I'm wondering if we send to everyone who cane even if they were a bit shit on the day?

Brother messaged 3 days before to say 'we've got loads on, just coming for the meal'

I was really hurt but said OK. Didn't want a fight. Gutted that we could have invited 3 others to the evening do if we'd known. The wedding was 1 day before restrictions lifted.

Came with wife and grown up daughter. Watched the ceremony, ate the food and left. No major back story, he's just always been a bit shit with family stuff. Barely spoke to anyone.

They gave us a card.

I don't want to fall out but actually I was really hurt by his / their actions.

OP posts:
Marmitemarinaded · 06/08/2021 18:55

@titchy

I'd be tempted to be very passive aggressive and send a thank you card saying 'Thank you soooo much for the card. It was delightful and just what we'd always wanted. We were both so touched that you put such a lot of effort into our special once-in-a-lifetime day.'
Don’t. Just don’t
Bananalanacake · 06/08/2021 19:22

I also got married at 43 (last year) with no grandparents left on either side. We had the registry office and 2 guests (DH's parents) thing. Only got one gift from a colleague of DH's, he had to move a meeting that clashed with our chosen date, I hadn't even met him then. Of course he got a thank you card. Good thing with small weddings is you don't have loads of cards to write.

Marmitemarinaded · 06/08/2021 19:28

@Bananalanacake

I also got married at 43 (last year) with no grandparents left on either side. We had the registry office and 2 guests (DH's parents) thing. Only got one gift from a colleague of DH's, he had to move a meeting that clashed with our chosen date, I hadn't even met him then. Of course he got a thank you card. Good thing with small weddings is you don't have loads of cards to write.
You lost me!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 19:37

I won't.

I was tempted to send one saying thanks for the card but in all honesty I don't want to thank them for coming.

The sun cracked the pavements, it was lovely but of course I'm hurt - he's my brother 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 19:38

@Bananalanacake

I also got married at 43 (last year) with no grandparents left on either side. We had the registry office and 2 guests (DH's parents) thing. Only got one gift from a colleague of DH's, he had to move a meeting that clashed with our chosen date, I hadn't even met him then. Of course he got a thank you card. Good thing with small weddings is you don't have loads of cards to write.
eh?
OP posts:
Maireas · 06/08/2021 19:39

You and me both, @viques.
As pp have said, send a thank you card to those that sent gifts. It's a common courtesy.

Marlena1 · 06/08/2021 19:42

I would, I don't agree that cards are just for presents. People give up their time (although I agree effort was mimimal and that that woukd be hurtful).

Sssloou · 06/08/2021 19:52

it was lovely but of course I'm hurt - he's my brother

As this is not new behaviour from your DB - then it’s your issue with expectations - you don’t need to feel hurt - manage your expectations. Don’t let his behaviour over shadow your joy.

No thank you cards for attending with no gift - that’s just silly.

I got thank you cards from some of my GUESTS afterwards to say how delighted they were to have been included and what a great day they had.

Congratulations.

Now move on with your life and swerve you two brothers - they serve you no purpose.

DappledThings · 06/08/2021 20:00

I would be surprised and a bit miffd not to receive a thank you for a present but would find it extremely weird to get a thank you for attending but not giving a gift.

Not that I would attend without giving a gift unless expressly asked not to.

Cazck · 06/08/2021 20:08

Sounds like you have lovely manners. Don't look to much into your brother's behaviour the issue clearly lies with him. I wouldn't worry about sending a thank you card as I can't imagine he would expect it following his behaviour.

Also had a wedding with issues - nasty behaviour, relatives not wanting to come. It took time to get my head around it and all I could fathom was that the issues were with them. I don't get upset now about it and I have forgiven them as I don't want to carry the upset anymore but it has altered my view of them.

Glad your did still enjoy your day

Original poster
Workyticket · 06/08/2021 20:20

@Cazck

Sounds like you have lovely manners. Don't look to much into your brother's behaviour the issue clearly lies with him. I wouldn't worry about sending a thank you card as I can't imagine he would expect it following his behaviour.

Also had a wedding with issues - nasty behaviour, relatives not wanting to come. It took time to get my head around it and all I could fathom was that the issues were with them. I don't get upset now about it and I have forgiven them as I don't want to carry the upset anymore but it has altered my view of them.

Glad your did still enjoy your day

Thank you.

Weddings really do bring out the worst in some people.

My mam has created a massive fuss over the last week despite raving about how much she loved the day. Apparently she didn't get enough say in the wedding, not enough people fussed over her etc.

1 friend of years and years was shit and ghosted us the week before too.

I've no idea how some people do this more than once.

Sorry - all this is probably a different thread. I've been really upset today over my mam.

The day was so relaxed - outdoors, fuss free and happy :(

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 06/08/2021 20:20

I don't understand me either Grin , more simply,,, DH and I decided to get married on the anniversary of me moving to his country (we'd been together 11 years by then) he had a work meeting booked on the chosen day and wanted to invite his dad to the wedding (they work together) DH asked his colleague to move the meeting and pretend it was he who needed to move it, the colleague was in on the secret and he gave us a gift, I met him a few weeks later. My point is also only give thank you cards to those who gave a gift, even if they weren't there on the day.

littlebilliie · 06/08/2021 20:24

@viques

I find this such a strange thing about modern weddings. There is so much thought (and expense and angst) given over to venue, save the dates, hen do, invitations, bridesmaids , dresses, flowers, seating, food, music, first dance, evening food, and entertainment etc etc, yet something as simple as a card saying Thankyou for your gift has fallen by the wayside.

Retires to rocking chair and mumbles through toothless gums about how fings ain’t wot they used to be.

I agree thank you cards were ordered with the invitations. I enjoyed writing them after the honeymoon it kind of finished off the whole wedding
New posts on this thread. Refresh page