I wish you could adopt a grandparent

[roarfeckingroarr]

Sorry for patronising phrase, I couldn't think of something concise enough for a title.

DH and I have v little family. Both our mothers died and our fathers aren't able to play a very active role in our beautiful son's life due to age/health/location. I have no siblings.

I see friends with babies whose mothers are so involved and it makes me heart physically ache for my own mother. She would have loved DS so so much and no one could ever replace her, but I so wish there was a way of meeting older women who could provide guidance, love and occasional assistance (I do not mean regular free childcare) and build a loving relationship with DS. Perhaps women who would have loved to be grandparents themselves but life hasn't worked out that way. My baby deserves more family than I can give him and I just wish I had someone to call who could share their thoughts and experience and love.

Sorry I think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I sympathise. My best friends parents are doing grandparent duty for my child because I'm NC with my own parents due to abuse

I wish this too. My mum and Dps Dad have died and the remaining grandparents hardly bother. I always get so envious of people with interested Grandparents.

I'm sure I've read of 'adopt a grandparent' schemes run by local organisations/charities. Might be worth a Google?

You know this is an actual thing? Google it :)

Not quite the same but out next door neighbours were like surrogate GPS to DS. All our family lived a long way from us. Ironically their grandchildren lived near my FIL, so didn’t see them very often either. They did help with babysitting but were there if we needed a chat, especially the wife. Always showed an interest in DS, even now he is a teenager. Invited them to school plays if our parents weren’t able to come.

We now help them more as they have got older, especially during COVID times. They are thinking about moving away and I will miss them hugely.

I think it would be a great idea. As a child my grandparents were not involved in my life (one dead, one ill and the other pair just uninterested) and I really envied friends with lovely grandparents. My parents had to turn to friends for help in emergencies when most people seemed to have grandparents who could step in.

DH and I would really like to relocate, possibly overeas (for better jobs, nicer location and just a bit of an adventure as DH had lived in the same area all his life). One thing that stops us is worrying about MIL being lonely if we are not near enough to see her regularly (DH is an only child). If she could be 'adopted' by a family living locally who were not near their own parents we'd feel much more able to go.

Google 'Adopt a Grandparent'. There are several organisations.

My parents are abroad, and my fil is 10+ hours drive away and mil passed away. So my ds doesn't have close relationship with his grand parents.
But we have very nice elderly neighbour, who really cares for my dc. They don't have any grand children, so they treats my ds like one, showing interest and looking out for him, bringing gifts on occasion, given us tickets for places etc. We help them when we can with things too, when they need help. It's very nice relationship and we are very lucky.

Same boat here. Just one grandpa left for DS, never even met the others.
I see GPs taking their GC out to the park and feel so sad he won't have all that.
Would love him to adopt a gran, but our society doesn't work that way.

Thanks for your responses, empathy and suggestions. I do wish we had a lovely neighbour like some of you!

I will look into "adopt a grandparent" schemes. I always thought they were about spending time at a nursing home, which isn't what I mean. I can't help but feel there must be older women whose children have chosen not to have their own children, who may have the time and inclination to build a mutually caring and beneficial relationship with a young family/children.

I lost my mum when I was very young and by god having my beautiful boy has made me miss her so very much.

I just want to say I sympathise. I lost my mum suddenly 5 months ago and I miss her so much but I’m mostly heartbroken for my 4 year old and the love they should have shared for so many more years (and the one I’m pregnant with that will never know her)

I had a midwife appointment today with a lovely nurturing midwife in her 60s and I had a very similar thought to you!

@GingerBeverage

Same boat here. Just one grandpa left for DS, never even met the others. I see GPs taking their GC out to the park and feel so sad he won't have all that. Would love him to adopt a gran, but our society doesn't work that way.

This is exactly how I feel

@Clarkey86 I can relate to that. Every time I meet a lovely nurturing woman over 50/60 I just wish she was part of our lives.

I wonder if posting this on Gransnet would be a good idea

I'm not sure about adopting a grandparent, but I do think that some form of adoption of adults could take place. Especially allowing someone to have step-dad or step-mum adopt you, with the responsibilities that go both ways, which include those for health issues or end of life care.

I’d love to be your adopted grandmother.

I’ve got twelve grandchildren, so lots of experience.

My friends dad died when she was in her early 20s.

She had a very close relationship with her dad's lifelong best friend who had never married or had kids He gave her away at her wedding and was like a grandfather to her kids. My friend provided his support network when he needed it. He was such a lovely man.

Why don't you post on gransnet and see what the reaction is?

I feel similar. on one side dead/disinterested and on the other ill/full-time carer means that my kids don't have much of a relationship with their grandparents.

OP, I'm in a similar situation - can't remember if I posted on here about it, or just read someone else's post previously... I looked into 'Adopt a grandparent' stuff but got nowhere, so please report back if you find something! We ended up going to a playgroup held in a nursing home, which was lovely to do but wasn't quite what I had in mind!

I never knew any of my grandparents. My ideal combo for perfect grandparents was always Judge Judy and Paul Anka.

@Phyllidakettle

I’d love to be your adopted grandmother.

I imagine you're very busy! But thank you🥰

@TheLittleRedToothbrush

Ahhh I really feel for you. I'm now at grandmother age and live along way from my mine in a town I don't know due to my circumstances . I literally go to work and then come home . On my days off I'd love to be involved and to feel needed & useful.

I don't suppose you're near SW London?