I wish you could adopt a grandparent

[roarfeckingroarr]

Sorry for patronising phrase, I couldn't think of something concise enough for a title.

DH and I have v little family. Both our mothers died and our fathers aren't able to play a very active role in our beautiful son's life due to age/health/location. I have no siblings.

I see friends with babies whose mothers are so involved and it makes me heart physically ache for my own mother. She would have loved DS so so much and no one could ever replace her, but I so wish there was a way of meeting older women who could provide guidance, love and occasional assistance (I do not mean regular free childcare) and build a loving relationship with DS. Perhaps women who would have loved to be grandparents themselves but life hasn't worked out that way. My baby deserves more family than I can give him and I just wish I had someone to call who could share their thoughts and experience and love.

Sorry I think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I too have heard of adopt a granparent schemes. Possibly run my local councils, but not sure. Like a befriending service. Maybe approach your local WI?

Bisto also had adverts pre-covid about opening up your home, for a Sunday roast for an older person. Bisto spare chair Sunday. There were specific rules about so many stairs to get into the house and bathroom, which unfortunately rules us out as living in a 1st floor flat at the time.

This is very interesting to see from the other side.
I'm highly unlikely to become a grandparent due to circumstances.
I would like to be a surrogate grandmother.
I googled it and apparently it's a big thing in America but can never happen in this country because our child protection laws are so strict.

Grandparents can enrich a child's life in so many ways .

It's also sad to hear where divorce happens and the dil cuts off the grandparents to spite the spouse
The children are used as pawns in disputes.
And Miss out.

My DM has managed to get herself adopted multiple times!

I used to be crazy jealous but now I'm just happy for her.

You need to find a lonely but active elderly woman in your street whose own family live far away. She'll be in like a shot.

@roarfeckingroarr

I wonder if posting this on Gransnet would be a good idea

Such threads usually get a hostile reaction!

I'd love to find another grandparent for my son. My own parents aren't on the scene for various reasons and he has so much love to give.

Lots of families have this set up, DNA doesn’t determine family.

My son has a lovely Grandma and two brilliant uncles, and I get to have the best mum there is, no shared DNA between us (well, we are all human!).

I think most people are like me and what starts as friendship becomes family, but there are organisations out there that can assist.

I'd like to adopt Marina from Gogglebox. My DD thinks she's great.

Can’t you put an ad up somewhere?

Oh, I'd love to have a grandma. I would guess that most of the schemes are about connecting kids with people rather than almost 40-somethings, but it would be lovely!

It's the one thing I miss from church life when I was a child, having that huge crowd of older ladies who were all sort of grandmother figures.

I'm infertile, and often wish I could become a surrogate aunt or something, but can't think of a way of initiating something like that without looking like a right freaking weirdo.

I'm a Nana already to 1 gorgeous boy. But I'd happily be a adopted Nana for others.
Truly hope you find someone, OP.
Many older women...and possibly men...feel invisible and miss children in their lives. I'lol have a look for groups to offer myself to, or if anyone can point me in that direction I'd love to fo it

OP, I understand your feelings. We've been very lucky in that my DS does have loving grandparents although they're not as involved as they would like to be due to distance. He's an only child and has no cousins which makes me worry (probably irrationally but I still do it) that he's going to be a bit lonely and disconnected growing up.

It sounds like we live in the same neck of the woods though (also SW London-based here) so, although I'm not at the grandmother stage unfortunately, do PM me if you'd like to chat/get in touch.

@Toomuchtodoo

This is very interesting to see from the other side. I'm highly unlikely to become a grandparent due to circumstances. I would like to be a surrogate grandmother. I googled it and apparently it's a big thing in America but can never happen in this country because our child protection laws are so strict.

Grandparents can enrich a child's life in so many ways .

It's also sad to hear where divorce happens and the dil cuts off the grandparents to spite the spouse
The children are used as pawns in disputes.
And Miss out.

Again, I don't suppose you're near SW London?

Going by how my DM operates:

-talk to everyone you meet whether they like it or not
-be round like a shot with food when any new family move into the neighbourhood
-walk up and down the street everyday, ideally slowly and tell everyone how wonderful their children look
-take in everyone's parcels so they have to come to your house
-appreciate families from different cultures whose relatives may be abroad and unable to visit much, plus also excluded by the locals for not having good English

Over the years she has been a Polish, Croatian, Russian, Czech and currently Russian Grandma as well as general street babysitter. She is v much appreciating the supply of home baked Russian bread she gets as well