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Original poster

Worried partner is losing his memory & APOE4

31 replies

JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 04:19

I don’t know where to start. My partner of 4 ish years has recently become quite chaotic. His friends and I have laughed it off - his wearing clothing that doesn’t suit weather, getting things wrong, forgetting to eat but being absorbed in tasks, slightly disinhibited with money. Im trying to think of other things.

Anyway, tonight over dinner he said he had something to share with me. I knew that he had his genes tested a few years ago, but he said just a few weeks ago, he realised he’d ticked the box for the Alzheimer’s genes and he has both SNPs for APOE4, which puts him highly at risk for Alzheimer’s (I don’t know if my facts or the terminology are right here).

I don’t know why he chose to tell me now, but I think it is because of these chaotic behaviours. I can see now that he’s been compensating for memory loss. He recently started needing a tremendous amount of sleep 12,14 hours, and makes mistakes in his accounts of things - the wrong restaurant for lunch, thyme instead of rosemary, Word finding difficulties. He frequently repeats the date & uses the calendar a lot as an anchor.

Reading back - maybe some of this is normal? I spend an awful lot of time with him, and my gut is telling me there’s something wrong.

Can anyone help me? He has a great network of his kids & close friends but has begged me not to share this info with anyone.

I’m so worried. He works in a professional position & drives, manages his homes, etc. I have a feeling that something is up.

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 04:22

I meant to add, the chaotic behaviours, we’ve all laughed off as part of “eccentric behaviour” - I’ve got mad at him a few times for forgetting stuff. I have only just noticed a profile of behaviours where he’s struggling to get things right. It feels like he’s clinging to cues to help him. I wish I could explain properly…

OP posts:
lljkk · 03/08/2021 04:37

how old is he, OP?

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 04:39

He’s 59.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
ShippingNews · 03/08/2021 04:43

It does sound concerning. Most of these items you mention could be a sign of Alzheimer's and he certainly needs to get checked out.

You don't say how old he is, but since he is working I assume he is under 60 or so. Early-onset Alzheimer's is a distinct possibility but you need to get him along to the GP to start the process of assessment. If he does have it, you both need to be prepared for the future. Good luck.

ShippingNews · 03/08/2021 04:45

www.healthdirect.gov.au/younger-onset-dementia

lljkk · 03/08/2021 04:45

Does this sound familiar? That page doesn't quite sound to me like what you described.

he's awfully young for him to have AlzDem though.

I see lots of web pages saying that there are benefits in early diagnosis for memory decline, but I'm not sure what the benefits truly are other than planning & understanding and knowing one has put one's life in order for what is coming. You'd have to persuade him of the benefits of peace of mind or getting some support to slow any decline.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 04:47

Thank you, @ShippingNews. I will encourage him to see the GP very soon. He is 59.
Sad I’m so scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 04:56

@lljkk Thanks… I did see that link before and unfortunately, yes, I recognise him on a lot of that. I think a visit to the GP is needed ASAP.

OP posts:
echt · 03/08/2021 05:00

Apart from the genetic markers, the recent nature of his behaviour changes, that others have noticed, argues something that needs investigation.

All the best, JohnSteinbeck

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 05:05

Thanks *echt. I can’t work out if they are noteworthy or not… as I say, he’s always been quite eccentric… but I sense that he’s compensating. It’s one of those things - I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid but when you notice, you can’t help but come up with other instances. I expect a brain scan can’t do any harm.

OP posts:
Imapotato · 03/08/2021 06:51

I think you need to get him to the GP ASAP. They can refer to memory assessment services. If it is altzheimers there are medications which can help slow the progression.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 07:57

Thank you, Imapotato I will definitely do this. I can see I am going to have to tread carefully.

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 03/08/2021 08:09

Hi - there are actually no good treatments for Alzheimer’s (drugs like donepezil might mask some of the symptoms in some people but aren’t disease modifying), so from the treatment point of view there’s no hurry for a diagnosis.

I’d be most concerned about safety. Is your partner still safe to drive, for example? Has he been leaving the stove on?

Now would also be a good time for you to both sort out lasting powers of attorney. You can do this over the internet and don’t need a lawyer, although you will need a witness.

It might not be Alzheimer’s. How are your partner’s blood pressure and cholesterol? Stress levels?

Maybe think about what would support his memory and functioning - a wall calendar? Timers? Whiteboard? Alarms on his phone?

It sounds like a very worrying time for you both Flowers

CrystalMaisie · 03/08/2021 08:30

I was going to say now would be a good time to sort out lasting power of attorney too.

mum11970 · 03/08/2021 11:09

He needs to get checked out by the GP, could be some as simple as an infection. A lot of things you are worried about are symptoms of Alzheimer’s but don’t seem to be in the order it would usually progress. His driving ability would go quite a bit before his ability to choose the correct clothing for the weather. My dad is somewhere between level 5 and 6 and sometimes puts two t-shirts on but is still able to realise he needs a coat in the rain. His driving ability went a good 12-18 months ago and was deteriorating before diagnosis. Thankfully he accepts he isn’t allowed to drive, even though he doesn’t believe he is incapable of driving safely.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 11:45

Hi, thanks for all your replies. Perhaps I should mention here that he regularly has scrapes and problems with his car, and he forgot to pay his insurance a couple of times.

I’m spotting quite a few patterns but he maintains nothing is wrong. He is also on a drug which can cause memory problems, it may be this or, as you suggest, an infection.

Trying to edge him towards Gp…

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 03/08/2021 13:02

What’s the drug?

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 03/08/2021 13:10

I’m worried it might be outing.

OP posts:
confusedlots · 03/08/2021 13:15

It must be really worrying for you, but do encourage him to see his GP and get referred on to a memory clinic for a specialist review.

My friend's mum was diagnosed with dementia in her 60's. When it all became clear what was going on, we looked back at things that had happened over the previous 10 years or so and realised that was all part of the disease progression, but no one had really thought about it (or maybe hadn't wanted to) at the time.

She would drive into town and then completely forget where she left her car. She would charm some stranger into helping her try and find it and everyone just thought she was a bit eccentric and forgetful. One day when she lost her car, she told a stranger it was a certain colour and make, but she was talking about a car she'd had years and years before.

If we were at a restaurant she would just pick up someone else's glass of water/cup of tea and drink it.

Do also think about getting things like power of attorney put in place.

titchy · 03/08/2021 13:18

Well it's either early onset dementia, or the medication he's on. Regardless he needs to see his GP ASAP.

I was under the impression that some Aricept can slow down the progression of the illness in some people, or at least improve things slightly so worth trying if it is that.

lborgia · 03/08/2021 14:33

Definitely need to get it checked, especially in the light of the drug he takes. Is there another he could swap to? Equally, could be infection as pp mentioned, or NPH - normal pressure hydrocephalus, which is often mistaken for dementia.

My perception from seeing a lot of people in this situation is that not knowing is extremely frightening, and even though a diagnosis would be extremely sad, it's easier to have something to work with.

Good luck, try and explain to him that there might be an easy fix, and even if not, avoiding the gp won't make it go away, and actually can make it more scary.

Silversun83 · 03/08/2021 14:38

@lljkk

Does this sound familiar? That page doesn't quite sound to me like what you described.

he's awfully young for him to have AlzDem though.

I see lots of web pages saying that there are benefits in early diagnosis for memory decline, but I'm not sure what the benefits truly are other than planning & understanding and knowing one has put one's life in order for what is coming. You'd have to persuade him of the benefits of peace of mind or getting some support to slow any decline.

He's really not 'awfully young'. There are several dementias, including Alzheimer's, that can have an early onset (before the age of 65).

And early diagnosis can have lots of benefits, from improved understanding/awareness of family and friends, to support groups, education in techniques/equipment that can help and there are even certain medications in som3 situations that whilst can't reverse the effects, can slow/halt progression.

(Parent who was diagnosed in early 60s though in hindsight had probably had symptoms for 5-10 years prior).

lljkk · 03/08/2021 14:57

All that early diagnosis stuff only has benefits if he's willing to embrace it. OP has a big hurdle to overcome, in helping him to be brave enough to find out if something is going on.

Worried partner is losing his memory & APOE4
Skybluepinkgiraffe · 03/08/2021 15:07

The sooner he's checked, the sooner your mind will be put at rest or he will get help. There is help out there for people with dementia conditions if it turns out to be that,
and it can help symptoms at bay.
I'd be concerned at all that if I'm honest.

My very best wishes to you both Flowers

HopeClearwater · 03/08/2021 15:10

Is it Gabapentin?

Agree with pp that the best thing to do here is to go to the GP.