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Original poster

I just screamed at my baby

72 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/08/2021 18:55

I'm not coping. Life is totally on top of me and I can't see how it will ever get better.

I'm absolutely desparate

OP posts:
contentedcake · 02/08/2021 19:14

Do you have a baby and a 3 year old? I do too and let me tell you I shout at her so much it gets on top of me too.

How old is the baby?

Whatinthelord · 02/08/2021 19:15

When I was in the midst of PND my oldest (who was around 3 at the time) threw a ball pit ball at me. So I threw it hard back at him. It left a mark in his belly!

It was completely out of character for me and a result of my PND (and obviously not ok). My point is your not the only one who has felt this anger.

What matters is that you get help.
I think you need to be very blunt with people about how serious the situation is (eg if you have parents be clear you need help and are at breaking point. If you have a partner they need to head home now or take over now).

KitBumbleB · 02/08/2021 19:21

Earphones are a great idea, although admittedly hardee to do when you have a 3 year old

Is the baby breastfed? If not could your partner have the baby tonight and you get some sleep?
Things always seem better with food and sleep

PerfectPrepPrincess · 02/08/2021 19:23

How old is baby @DueyCheatemAndHow?

What things used to bring you joy, make you laugh? Xx

pocoyoyoyo · 02/08/2021 19:24

When you need to, put your DC in their cot and walk away, they're safe and give yourself a breather, walk into the garden/street wherever for a few minutes. I've been there and it's so hard, please don't be hard on yourself

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 02/08/2021 19:32

Put your baby somewhere where she's safe and take a minute for yourself for now. Breathe. You are not alone.

Talk to your partner, be brutally honest with him. He needs to understand.

And tomorrow talk to your GP.

GetTaeFuck · 02/08/2021 19:33

GP is full of shit and a low dose often does not suffice when you have a baby that screams a lot and a toddler. Been there, done that.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I sobbed/screamed.

However I was also a single mother. Your DH needs to get a grip. I would have been even worse if I had a useless DH, the anger would have consumed me I think.

How old is baby, are you still under a midwife?
Can you Google the peri natal psych team in your area and call them?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/08/2021 19:39

OK baby now asleep so I can type a bit more fully!

Here is my situation...

  1. Baby is 10 months. Had possible cmpa. Breastfed. I am off dairy, soya and egg. Trialled it with some yoghurt, confirmed reaction but only after a week. Tried ladder with her, she was fine to start with but tonight she was sick in bed after a malted milk so I guess not. I can count on one hand the times she has slept longer than 3 hours.
  1. Toddler is 3. Does not stop talking. Is very happy but can also have endless meltdowns. Incapable of amusing himself.
  1. Mother has severe MH issues. Rarely phones without sobbing down the phone to me.
  1. In laws live in Scotland and are not interested.
  1. FIL (in laws are divorced) is an abusive alcoholic and DH is currently getting awful messages daily.
  1. DH is great. He really really is. He does everything he can, so often working til midnight cos he has helped me with the children in the day.

I just feel so useless and angry and exhausted.

Currently have my sister and her 3 teenagers staying with us.

OP posts:
Pastrydame · 02/08/2021 19:43

I would solve 3 and 5 by blocking and ignoring. When things get easier you could gradually reintroduce contact, if you wanted to. I would also question the 4 extra people in your house. Are the adding to your stress or providing help to you?

LoveFall · 02/08/2021 19:45

How long is your sister and three teenagers staying? That right there would completely stress me out. Meals, stuff everywhere, no privacy etc.

Unless you live in a huge mansion.

That's the first thing you need to resolve.

Pastrydame · 02/08/2021 19:48

You must be so sleep deprived OP it's a wonder you're not screaming at the postman. Can all the people living there take turns to let you get some sleep?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/08/2021 19:50

Sadly no mansion. Here for 10 days. I've been her emotional lifeline for 18 months and I'm a bit pissed off because all the problems she has said she has are all, I'm afraid,.totally self inflicted.

I cuddled baby to sleep and cried at her and told her I loved her. Poor thing she looked so frightened when I shouted.

OP posts:
daisydaisy7 · 02/08/2021 19:50

Take a deep breath! It will be okay!
I have a 3 mo and 4yo. It's so hard.

Agree with pp. block and ignore anyone that isn't adding anything good to your life. You need to put yourself first.
Can DH take over so you can go have a hot bath and read or listen to music? Headspace is a fantastic app that has helped me a lot.

Why is your sister staying with you? My brother recently asked to come stay with us short term while he found a new rental and I had to say no because I don't need another adult in the house adding to my stress levels. Nevermind 4!

Put your own oxygen mask on first lovely!
Lastly, you've got this. You might not be able to see the light at the need of the tunnel right now but everyday is different. Today isn't great but tomorrow could be your best day. Hang in there 💐

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/08/2021 19:51

Thank you for all your support, this is all v helpful

OP posts:
olidora63 · 02/08/2021 19:54

Bless you. Speak to your GP again and HV . If you are feeling really stressed put baby in cot and toddler watching rubbish TV and go outside for a few mins. Maybe baby has reflux .💐

olidora63 · 02/08/2021 19:57

Sorry I didn’t read all the thread ..just wanted to reply Asap. Am glad you are feeling calmer…good to vent .X

whatsthescoregeorgedoors · 02/08/2021 20:01

This may not be helpful, but I had one of those allergy babies who scream and don't settle. I mean, I still do have the baby, but he is not like that any more. He is nearly six months. I was on my knees at four months (I have no idea how you have survived until 10!).

I took him to the best specialist in the country. He told me that some allergy babies have developed inflamed guts that just won't settle on breastmilk (the white cells are an irritating factor because they do not belong to the baby's system but to the mother's). I switched to formula. He is a different child. You may not want to do this, but it is ok to try a bottle or not breastfeeding (at his age, you could add non Dairy formula to food to satisfy a lot of his needs), honestly it is.

Huge huge hugs.

LoveFall · 02/08/2021 20:01

Can you talk to your sister and tell her how you are feeling?

I am lucky as my sister is lovely but it can still get crazy when we are all together.

One thing that helps is sitting down and planning ahead. Splitting up the jobs. Having your sister or teens be responsible for certain meals, shopping etc.

Also know when to say no. Have a private place to rest. Have a quiet time in the afternoon. No TV on, only quiet activities. Plan for going out to the park etc.

Can your sister or teenagers take care of your children for an hour or two while you do something for you? Even a lie down will help.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 02/08/2021 20:02

My nephew was like this and responded really well to baby formula based on goats milk. Had to stop breastfeeding as he was actually below his birth weight by 8 weeks old. He was tiny. I could hold him up with one hand, thumb under one arm and fingers under the other. As soon as he was on the goats milk formula, he started gaining.

My sister tried everything. Fed him sitting up rather than cradled, kept him up against her shoulder for an hour after feeds. Cut out dairy completely. No gluten. Saw every doctor going. Nothing helped except switching to goats milk formula. He's like a little heffalump now, with all these little rolls of chub.

whatsthescoregeorgedoors · 02/08/2021 20:07

Oh and btw my baby does not have an IGE allergy so not immediate - it is absolutely a cumulative thing

Redannie118 · 02/08/2021 20:08

Oh my lovely. This was me twenty years ago. Zero family support. Except i had an abusive DH as well :(. 2 practical things. I bought baby one of those electric swinging seat things. Best money I ever spent. Worked like magic and totally worth a try. They are expensive but you can often get them like new on FB marketplace, Ebay etc or look for local charitable baby groups if money is really tight.
2nd thing. Your GP is shit. See another one. My PND was as bad as yours and I was on very high dose valium. I have no doubt at all i would be dead by now if not. The dose you are on now you may as well be swollowing smarties.
3rd thing- and I know this is hard as you sound a lot like me, a total people pleaser. Big girl pants on and tell your sister to do one. Tell her you are breaking down and just cannot support her as well. If she understands, then great. If not shes not worth your bloody time and you are well shot anyway.
You are not bad, or a bad parent. You are an amazing woman coping with stress that unless you have been through it is impossible to understand. Forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself. Keep talking to us if theres no one else. We are listening x

DaisyDreaming · 02/08/2021 20:09

I’ve heard quite a few friends say their kids deserve a better mum and that they are a bad mum, that they shout etc and actually they are amazing mums who are at the end of their tether but come out the other side. Can you show this thread to your partner or tell a friend?

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/08/2021 20:11

@Redannie118 you made me cry. Thank you.

DD is a happy baby she just doesn't like going to sleep. It must be the dairy as she self settled for her naps today and slept brilliantly. After one malted milk she is being sick and crying before sleep.

OP posts:
user1496951411 · 02/08/2021 20:11

I found times like these, where My son just didn't settle and did the crying and crying and couldn't be comforted horrific!
I remember one night it went on for hours and me and my husband had no clue at all what he wanted, we tried all the usual, hungry, wet, windy remedies and nothing helped. We decided to take him for a drive, So we loaded him into the car seat, strapped him in and went to get a blanket and by the time we went to get him to put him in the car he had fallen asleep.

My children are now 2 and 5 and I am still very depressed and the youngest still wakes in the night so I'm also sleep deprived. I feel like I'm a completely different person to before I had children, it's almost like I'm grieving for my pre baby personality back.
I take anti depressants and although I'm on a high-ish dose and have been on for a while, I do find they take the edge off. Could you possibly see a different doctor and explain how you feel and ask if they can up the dose of your anti depressants?

Young children are hard work, it's frustrating, you shouted, your baby won't remember. Things will get better.

Serenschintte · 02/08/2021 20:14

I had to have my citalopram increased as the low dose wasn’t enough. Don’t be afraid to ask for a increased dose. It helped me.
And ask to be put on the list for some therapy.
Please be kind to your self. I’ve been there and know what it’s like. You are doing so much better than you think you are. Your baby won’t remember you shouted. We are all human.