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Original poster

Anyone up? I’m exhausted with worry, partner driving through night

30 replies

JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:04

My partner is driving back from his other home. It’s a very long drive (12 ish hours) and he left earlier this evening. I thought he was staying in a hotel but over text he says he will drive on through the night and just rest somewhere for a few hours.

I feel really stupid writing this down but it doesn’t sound like a good decision. I’m feeling really anxious. My stomach is in knots. He doesn’t sleep wonderfully either so when he arrives he’ll probably be asleep for hours & hours.

I feel sick and upset. How can I be with someone who doesn’t look after themselves? How the heck can I sleep?

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:13

Is anyone up?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 02/08/2021 02:14

Call him?!

A kip in lay-by is fine!

When is he due back?

Where's he going from/ to?

I think you're worrying unnecessarily tbh.

GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish · 02/08/2021 02:16

I wouldn't think anything of this tbh unless there's something I've missed I'm sure he'll be fine me girl xx

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:18

I don’t think it’s fine at all! It’s really poor self care & part of a bigger picture around that.

I’m worried about his driving through the night. He has slept issues & it concerns me - like I said, it’s about 12 hours in total. He’s not the kind of guy who can kip in a lay-by for a few hours - he sleeps long, long hours.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 02/08/2021 02:19

Maybe he slept s lot before he set off.

Where is he going from/ to.

HarrietSchulenberg · 02/08/2021 02:23

I've driven 16 hours (including a ferry) with a little nap at a service station and a fair bit of coffee. It was fine.
I take it there's a lot you've not told us yet.

NiceGerbil · 02/08/2021 02:25

What's the bigger picture?

Crunched · 02/08/2021 02:26

Please don't worry. He is an adult and presumably, as he is the partner you have chosen, has admirable qualities.
Many of us prefer to drive at night when the roads are quieter. I find a 15 minute power nap in the service station car park and staying well hydrated works well for night driving but, like your partner, will need a good sleep upon arrival at my destination.
Your worry will not help in any way for either of you. Try and get some rest Flowers

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:27

No, he hasn’t slept a lot before he set off.

I’ve driven long distances too - I used to regularly drive to France, 16, 20 hours into Italy. That’s why I’m worried about him. Also it will be annoying tomorrow when he arrives and just sleeps for hours and hours. A hotel room would have been far kinder to us both.

No there’s nothing I haven’t told you. I was asking for reassurance as feeling anxious about it. I think I might take a sleeping tablet & just sleep through it.

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:29

@Crunched

Please don't worry. He is an adult and presumably, as he is the partner you have chosen, has admirable qualities. Many of us prefer to drive at night when the roads are quieter. I find a 15 minute power nap in the service station car park and staying well hydrated works well for night driving but, like your partner, will need a good sleep upon arrival at my destination. Your worry will not help in any way for either of you. Try and get some rest Flowers
Thank you, Crunched. I usually prefer driving through the night, too.

I’m just very anxious about him crashing the car or breaking down. He has some sleep problems & I am worried about him.

Yes. Should get some sleep myself. I guess I being agitated doesn’t help my own sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:31

I know he will need loads of sleep once he arrives, too, which seems a bit selfish to me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/08/2021 02:33

Why is him needing sleep selfish? He drove all night, fgs. Confused

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:34

My point is that he could have chosen not to

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:35

He’s a grown man who should be capable of making decisions that keep us all healthy. He had planned to break up the journey in order to arrive safely. He has a duty to look after himself.

OP posts:
ohidoliketobe · 02/08/2021 02:37

If he was stopping over at a hotel and continuing the drive tomorrow, surely that would have just taken the same time he will be asleep at home tomorrow? It's not like you're losing out on any time, he's still doing the same events, just in a different order..

BlankTimes · 02/08/2021 02:38

He's a grown adult.
The roads are quieter at night. He should be aware if his concentration is wavering and then he should pull over and rest.
That's what people who drive long journeys do.

He’s not the kind of guy who can kip in a lay-by for a few hours - he sleeps long, long hours
Then don't expect him to be home until you've factored in his driving time plus is likely sleeping time.

Worrying is pointless. It's his journey and it's up to him however he plans and completes it.

It would be nicer of course for your peace of mind if he texted you when he was pulled over for a rest and when he resumed his journey, so you'd have some idea of his driving and resting times, but unless you'd agreed that beforehand, he's not a child and it's perfectly acceptable for him to do it his way.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:38

No… he sleeps for hours and hours when he gets exhausted like this. That’s my point. He has a sleep problem. I’m also worried about him falling asleep at the wheel.

OP posts:
sashh · 02/08/2021 02:40

Another one awake here.

There isn't much you can do now is there? Get some sleep if you can.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:41

Yeah… I asked for reassurance but I can see this isn’t the right place to get it!

You’re right @BlankTimes, it might have been more courteous for both our peace of mind to be a bit more responsible about decision making.

Yup, he’s an adult, he can deal with the consequences.

OP posts:
HelloDaisy · 02/08/2021 02:49

I can understand why you are worried about him. Is there anything you can do to switch off now so you can relax and get some sleep?

What made him decide to drive through the night rather than stay in a hotel somewhere?
How long has he been in his other home- has he done the long drive to get there in the last few days?

Perhaps he just felt he was okay to drive through…

AdaThorne · 02/08/2021 02:50

I understand that worrying while awake in the middle of the night thing. I think people are reassuring you - that he will be safe and driving when the roads are quieter is probably a better way to do things - they’re just not agreeing this is an underlying symptom of being a rubbish partner incapable of looking after himself.

Try not to worry and try and get some sleep yourself. You could always ring him in a few hours to check in how he’s going and to check how sleepy he’s sounding.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 02:55

Thank you both. Ok, this is helping now. I guess I’m not used to plans changing, and I’m sensitive to him looking after himself. He’s done the drive before, I’m just agitated by how he is right now. Clearly he thinks he’s ok to drive & not sleep the day away tomorrow.

Im going to put my phone away now & get some sleep myself.

OP posts:
sashh · 02/08/2021 02:58

Sorry I didn't mean to be unsupportive, if you are not going to sleep then can you get drink and watch something on TV? It might take your mind of worrying for a while.

Original poster
JohnSteinbeck · 02/08/2021 03:00

Thank you Sash, I didn’t think you were being unsupportive at all. Thanks for messages. I’ve taken half a sleeping tablet. My own sleep is not wonderful, I think it might do me good to zone out a bit.

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 02/08/2021 03:12

Don't worry OP. He'll be fine. My DD lives 13 hours drive away and I often drive to her place on a Friday night, spend the weekend, and then drive back on Monday night. Night time driving is easier - not much traffic and you can see other vehicles from a long way away.

I know everything seems worse to you when it's the middle of the night and your brain goes haywire . Watch some Netflix and have a glass of wine - that might work !