Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Help keep my mind busy please. DP not home and uncontactable.

84 replies

OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 01:25

Half way between fuming and terrified.

DP went out in his home city today with his male family members. He said he was almost definitely coming home at around 6 but don't rule anything out. Last train is around 9 but he was definitely getting that. Kept in touch throughout the day and he said getting train. Fine, no issues. At 8.30, I rang and he sounded quite drunk. He asked me to check the train time. I told him and he said ok, he will be on that one. He will get a taxi as he doesn't want DD and I messed about collecting him. 30 mins after train was in our home town I called him. He can barely speak and says he is getting train. I say he has missed it, shall we just come and get him. He said he is sorting everyone else out home and then he will get an Uber. An hour later he calls off someone else's phone saying he has no battery but everyone else is safe and he will sort an Uber. I offer again to just go get him. He says no way, thanks for caring but he can sort himself out. I ask how he will with no phone. He says ermmm and that he will find a way. He will call me in the Uber. That was over an hour ago. He has no coat and is probably the most I have ever known him to be in 15 years and he can handle his drink.

Watching golden girls with DD who is equally fuming/worried. Why wouldn't he just let us get him rather than sitting up worrying that he's asleep in an alleyway somewhere with no coat. HmmAngry

OP posts:
birdling · 01/08/2021 03:32

Wow! He is a nasty piece of work!
I'd let him go, personally. You'd probably be better off.
Flowers

dottypencilcase · 01/08/2021 03:35

Stop being his mum.

Original poster
OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 03:35

Tempting. I'll wait and talk to him about it tomorrow when he's less of a dick. Not sure why we should be pandering to him when he's at fault.

OP posts:
Pinkie68 · 01/08/2021 03:36

I had a very similar situation years ago. He got completely blotto in London where we both worked but we lived 60 mules outside of London. He called drink and crying and had no idea where he was. I managed to narrow it down to an area d had just set off to drive to London at around 3am when someone from a minicar firm called on his phone saying they had taken pity on him and would drive him Home. I had to give them the address and then spent an hour and a half waiting for him to come Home. I was furious but really because I was beyond worried about his safety.

There’s no point in engaging when they’re like that. They’re not at that point capable of understanding that our anger is in the main born out of worry. Also of course we’re furious at their behaviour.

I was even more angry as I had to host a load of clients the next day at Goodwood racecourse which I had to do on about 30 minutes sleep! Thankfully he was very contrite.

I am so sorry you’ve had to experience this and I hope he is ashamed of some of the things he’s said…..if he actually remembers saying any of it!

I am so sorry you h

Pinkie68 · 01/08/2021 03:38

Absolutely right…..no point in engaging with him in this state. And yes….you’re not his mum. A good way of coldly explaining it to him would be to ask how he would feel/react if you’d done the same!

ShitInAPyrexDish · 01/08/2021 03:47

Glad he is home safe. I can totally understand the worry though.

I'm awake because my drunk partner has just accidentally phoned me. Not sure who they were meant to phone, probably a taxi. They then didn't answer when I tried calling back and didn't answer messages, so I was beginning to worry. They have now replied saying they didn't mean to. I've gone from worried to pissed of in seconds, my precious sleep disturbed for that. 😂

Hopefully he'll apologise once he's sobered up. Alcohol can make people act like idiots, not that that's right but if he isn't normally like this then I'm sure he'll realise he was an idiot once the alcohol has worn off.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 01/08/2021 03:47

Well this isnt AIBU but I'm still going to say YANBU. What a twat. Doesnt he understand, or does he just not care, that when someone you love, the father of your DC, is out off his nut drunk in the city at night you're going to be fucking worrying when he doesnt come home hours after he said and then rings you and makes it obvious that he cant even talk normally so obviously cant keep himself safe to get home, you're obviously going to be worrying about him? He shouldnt let himself get that bad anyway. Then his family are obviously idiots too. It's his fault for getting so drunk but anyone who cares about their family wouldn't just leave him when they were more sober than he was, merrily going home, and telling you they're all ok when you ring to ask where your DH is! Is he unreliable and not thoughtful in more ways, or does he just turn into a teenager when out with "the lads" and forget there are people who it would really hurt if he died in an alley....?

Babymamamama · 01/08/2021 03:49

I find reading this very upsetting on your behalf. The way he has made you so worried and then when he’s safe and sound back home somehow managed to turn it on you when you’ve done nothing wrong. Sorry OP but he sounds like a nasty piece of work and man child all rolled into one. And upsetting your DD is definitely not ok either. Who gets that drunk anyway unless they have a drink issue?

uktrippin · 01/08/2021 03:54

How old is your daughter?! It sounds like she's not old enough to be left alone so why is she seeing all of this and being involved in it?

He said he didn't want a lift, at that point you should've just let him crack on. You're not his mum

Hothammock · 01/08/2021 03:55

He'll have a terrible hangover in the morning and be very contrite

Original poster
OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 04:49

She is old enough to be left alone but not at 3am on a weekend for a minimum of two hours. She shouldn't have had to hear any arguing but as she waited up and the walls are thin she did hear. It's not ideal but it is what it is. I think kids need to understand that these things happen in a relationship but I'm certainly not defending it. It's really shit for her and I so wish she didn't have to see this.

He's asleep on the sofa. I can't wake him so I put a blanket on him. He is sleeping at a weird angle so will have a sore neck and is snoring like a bear.

OP posts:
recall · 01/08/2021 07:19

I bet he will be mortified when he wakes up.

DinosaurDiana · 01/08/2021 07:25

So he’s trying to put the blame on you in her eyes.
He’s a shit, and needs to apologise to you both.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/08/2021 07:25

Hopefully in the cold light of morning he will realise what a prick he has been and apologise to you.

Wellymudshapes · 01/08/2021 07:43

Glad he’s home OP. This does sound ridiculous though. He’s a grown man. You and Dd should have gone to bed as usual and left him too it. I’m guessing your DD is about 12? Your priority should have been her and not dragging her into a ridiculous midnight vigil as if he was lost on a mountain.

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 07:47

This is incredible. An adult man spends a day drinking to the point of incoherence, misses the last train, then goes AWOL with a dead phone, then spends two hours walking around drunk in the early hours asking people to charge his phone rather than getting an Uber or cab, then blames you for his own disorganisation and for not collecting him from an hour away? While his daughter is waiting up frantic and witnessing all this?

Honestly, OP, I don’t think ‘these things happen in a relationship’, and what worries me is that you think they do, because you sound awfully resigned. The messages from your DH’s aunt seem to suggest that these family drinking sprees aren’t unusual?

DancesWithTortoises · 01/08/2021 07:54

What a prick.

Original poster
OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 09:18

@AnotherMarvellousThing by these things I mean arguments not what happened last night. That shouldn't be happening.

He has taken it back that the £100 is my fault but after that we didn't talk about it as I knew it would end badly. His aunt has text asking if he was home ok. She is very sweet in person. Think she just doesn't consider things when her DP isn't home yet.

OP posts:
Sleepingdogs12 · 01/08/2021 09:20

Sounds like utter chaos and not something I could live with .

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 09:26

[quote OnlyCans]@AnotherMarvellousThing by these things I mean arguments not what happened last night. That shouldn't be happening.

He has taken it back that the £100 is my fault but after that we didn't talk about it as I knew it would end badly. His aunt has text asking if he was home ok. She is very sweet in person. Think she just doesn't consider things when her DP isn't home yet. [/quote]
But that’s more of what I mean, OP. He has generously decided that his self-inflicted £100 taxi fare is ‘not your fault’, but neither of you seem to think that all-day drinking sprees where he misses the last train and ends up wandering the streets completely incapable snd belligerent are anything out of the ordinary? And you can’t talk about it to him because it ‘would end badly’?

None of that is normal or ok, Op.

Shirleyphallus · 01/08/2021 09:27

He sounds like a bit of a dick but why are you facilitating all this? Absolutely no need to be keeping up your (presumably early teens) daughter until 3am, constantly ringing him, wondering if you should go out and pick him up etc etc.

He’s a grown man, he’d find his way home.

Shirleyphallus · 01/08/2021 09:28

@Wellymudshapes

Glad he’s home OP. This does sound ridiculous though. He’s a grown man. You and Dd should have gone to bed as usual and left him too it. I’m guessing your DD is about 12? Your priority should have been her and not dragging her into a ridiculous midnight vigil as if he was lost on a mountain.
That last sentence Grin
Theunamedcat · 01/08/2021 09:35

Fucks sake how many times were you supposed to offer to get him before he works out its his own fault

Original poster
OnlyCans · 01/08/2021 09:36

It would end badly while he was still drunk. It wouldn't while he was sober I would say because we'd have a rational discussion over it but in that state there is just no point.

All day drinking sprees and missing the last train are not a problem although the way he missed this one was because he was so belligerent and incapable. That is a problem but it should be his problem only.

How am I facilitating it? It's something that happened that I tried to deal with and I haven't let him off the hook or accepted anything that he has done. I don't know if you mean offering to pick him up? It might be facilitating but I just wanted the situation resolved. And he had had no phone. How was I constantly ringing?

OP posts:
Crockof · 01/08/2021 09:41

@Shirleyphallus

He sounds like a bit of a dick but why are you facilitating all this? Absolutely no need to be keeping up your (presumably early teens) daughter until 3am, constantly ringing him, wondering if you should go out and pick him up etc etc.

He’s a grown man, he’d find his way home.

I completely agree. You are not his mother and he is not a child. Why would you stay up and keep rininging and trying to reason with a drunk?

Why worry your child and keep her up? Bizarre.

Swipe left for the next trending thread