Most Random Inaminate Object You've Spoken To?

[itsnotmeitsu]

I've behaved weirdly towards, and spoken to, many random things; but I think I excelled myself this week.

I think my most random object is probably the two pieces of kitchen paper I spoke to. I'd placed them in a plastic washing basket before I emptied the washer, as the basket has started to develop a bit of mould. Everytime I moved the basket towards the machine the kitchen paper moved out of place. I heard myself saying, "Behave yourselves you two - stop moving around".

I always used to call my Henry hoover a wanker everyone he got stuck or tipped over ( got rid of him on the end)
Also shout at annoying beepy dishwasher

There're some hilarious posts on here (don't know how to do 'weeping with laughter' emoticons). Love BingoBhango's comments on Henry .

Yes glad I’m not the only Henry hater

I was trying to put a fitted sheet on my bed earlier, and managed to put it on sideways. I called it a dickhead.

I speak to my golliwog Vince whenever I do some piano practice. He sits on top, as good as gold, and I ask him, 'What do you think, Vince ?' between tunes. He doesn't reply so I must be doing something right.

I grew up somewhere snowy where weekend skiing was the norm. I would coax the ski-lift all the way up the slope, apologising that it had to pull me up, and say goodbye to it at the top.

Not an inanimate object but I made myself laugh coming back from the station the other day, in what I'll call 'heavy twilight' (it was about 9:45pm) when a bird flew out of a dark bush onto an equally shady pavement in front of me. I spontaneously said 'What are you doing still up? Go to bed!'

The only inanimate objects I talk to tend to be speeding signs, which I invariably tell to eff off.

This entire thread is hilarious and a genius idea by the way.

Like others have said, "you wobbly bastard" got me, as did "spud cunt".

I apologised to a wooden pallet today after I had inadvertently crashed my metal cage into it at work Well, I was worried I'd hurt it!

The beeper on my oven timer- like a child calling my name I shouted to it
"It's ok I'm on my way"

I regularly ask eufy the robovac what he is doing and why he has the right to come near my feet.
Have to be very careful not to talk about a new car whilst in earshot of current car, it might get upset and break down....

I took pity on a loaf of bread in the supermarket the other day.
It had been sharing the reduced to clear shelf with a packet of scones and I decided not to buy either item.
But when I came back round, the scones were gone and this poor wee loaf of bread was all alone on the shelf.
I bought it because it looked lonely and DS took the piss out of me for ages 🤣

My face skin always says thank you for the drink to its moisturiser...

Thanked the ATM. With a queue behind me.

I'm another one who talks to anything. It's not like the humans I live with listen any more intently. When I'm sewing, I am muttering constantly, usually urging my machine to sew in the direction I want it to and stop being a wimp about 6 layers of dense fabric, or calling my pins utter picks for stabbing me.

I thank the traffic lights as they turn green and give a little nod.

Lego that I accidentally step on is definitely labelled as a son of a bitch, in a deep, pit of the stomach type of sound, which is a swear word used on special occasions.

I greet my house when I enter it (and kids do it too now...)

Jammed windows are in need of counselling at my house, as they do suffer varied abuse on different days they decide to jam. Sometime they get stabbed with a bread knife (only way they shut) with mutters of "just shut u b&@$%/#

This thread has been so funny...You wobbly bustard...

@gamerchick

Thanked the ATM. With a queue behind me.

I tend to get quite snarky with self checkouts that tell me to do things after I've already done them.

I dropped a newish pan on the tiled kitchen floor today and dented it.
Words were had. Big angry words.

@BingoBhango

I save my best abuse for Henry, the rolly bastard. He's either pressing himself against doorframes and refusing to come in, or fainting onto his side at the slightest change of direction. He's also not strong enough to get the dog hair off the carpet, yet strong enough enough to suck the laminate floorboards clean off the floor. The attachments will ALWAYS fall off mid hoover, and the big metal one for the carpet will ALWAYS land on my foot. I hate him.

🤣🤣

This thread is perfect for my DH, he has spoke to random objects for years and then I started. We always say thank you to our cars when we get out (I think that's because we have older cars and are just relieved to get home without something falling off ).

@Peckhampalace DH has always said this about the cars, if he does talk about other cars he whispers!

I speak to loads of objects. Frequently as trying to get out of the room with a selection of bags - handbag, rubbish bags etc I say "Oh come on". Also at front door.

Every morning I tell the lift to "Hurry up, Hurry up". It doesn't!

If I have a heavy/unweildy bag, trying to get it through the door I say "Get in!"

Oh and don't get me started on my bastard phone!!!!