Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Need a new car but DH won't do anything about it...

56 replies

3acrosstheback · 31/07/2021 08:24

Not sure what I need, advice, a place to vent, don't know.

In a nutshell, last year we got a new car, a really really fancy new car that cost a lot of money. It's one DH has lusted over for a long time and after lots of research etc we got it. I don't really care that much but it's nice enough. Not what I'd choose but I'm not bothered and was happy for the money to be spent.

Then I discovered I was pregnant with number 3, totally unexpectedly. Immediately upon finding out I said we'd need a different car as we need something more practical. I want a car that fits 3 car seats across the back, which the current car doesn't.

DH made unenthusiastic noises and basically hasn't agreed to buy a new car. He hasn't said no, but I haven't been able to make any progress with it.

The baby is due in 6 weeks time and we haven't got a car that fits all of our children!

I don't want to go out and buy a car myself, I could as I have access to money but we've always treated money as joint money and made every decision as a joint decision. We also don't need 2 cars and we're trying to move house so ideally I'd like to sell our current car and buy a different, more suitable one. We could buy 5 suitable cars if we sold the unsuitable one

I know this seems like a stupid problem but I really just am at a loss. how do I make him understand this is actually got to happen, even if it means getting rid of his dream car?

OP posts:

LBOCS2 · 31/07/2021 08:47

Well, he has two options really, doesn't he? Either the car is sold and replaced with something suitable, OR he agrees to the permanent multimac bolts. Look at you, caring loving wife, having found a solution which doesn't involve selling his beloved car.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 31/07/2021 08:48

He’s expecting you to buy a second car. That’s why he isn’t engaging. He’s set on keeping the other.

userchange902 · 31/07/2021 08:51

Does that really not fit 3 seats across the back? How old are the other 2?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Baby & toddler products Driving & parking General pregnancy

poorbuthappy · 31/07/2021 08:53

Until people actually try to do it they don't realise that unless you have 3 full size seats in the back you can't fit 3 car seats. (discounting the multimac option). Will he drive or will you? If you're driving then pop him in the back in the little narrow seat between the 2 kids and pop the baby in the front with you. If he's driving then perhaps it won't have the same effect!
Mind you we didn't realise when we brought the twins home from hospital that their car seats didn't fit in the car. We literally had to go out and buy a VW touran the next day.

Original poster

3acrosstheback · 31/07/2021 08:55

They are 5 in a non-isofix group 2/3 and a 3 year old in a group 1/2/3 with a top tether.

I've borrowed a few different seats and been to some shops to try to squeeze 3 in of different 'narrow' brands and it's surprisingly hard!

Ok thanks everyone, I appreciate the space to just vent a bit and not feel completely stupid about it. I'll say that today we can look at trying to get 3 seats across the back and when that is inevitably a nightmare, we can look at options for a 2nd car or multimac.

He makes decisions very slowly most of the time (literally years) so 9 months is not enough notice for him

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 31/07/2021 08:56

I've tried a variety of seats across the back and can't get them to fit. Not even close really. I've looked at all the 'narrow seat' options and the numbers don't seem to work. It is possible I could try that again.

It’s his problem, OP. He needs to see the issue himself and then solve it himself.

He tries all the car seats, does all the research, looks at the options, investigates multimacs. Then he decides.

You’re heavily pregnant, yes? Time for a proper hormone-induced Come to Jesus reckoning. Give him a timescale to research (2 weeks) and make a decision. After two weeks you’re taking the car in for part-exchange…

Neverrains · 31/07/2021 08:58

@3acrosstheback

They are 5 in a non-isofix group 2/3 and a 3 year old in a group 1/2/3 with a top tether.

I've borrowed a few different seats and been to some shops to try to squeeze 3 in of different 'narrow' brands and it's surprisingly hard!

He makes decisions very slowly most of the time (literally years) so 9 months is not enough notice for him

Ours were the same age when we had our third. Ended up buying a Peugeot 5008 which has three full size seats across the middle (all isofix) and an extra 2 seats at the back (which we don’t often use, we put them down so that we have a massive boot). It’s been a great car.

AlmostSummer21 · 31/07/2021 09:00

@tenredthings

This post reads like targeted advertising for multimac !

No this thread doesn't! It reads like someone heavily pregnant (understandably) frustrated with her DH.

@3acrosstheback

Personally I'd get a second car, but I can't imagine not having my own car.

If you teally don't think you need one, then tell him the car needs selling or adapting NOW, his choice which. That or you'll go out and buy a car that FITS all three children and hell just have to put up with your choice when you go out as a family.

Neverrains · 31/07/2021 09:03

A second car is a massive drain on finances when you don’t actually need one. We had 2 cars, then realised we were paying insurance/servicing etc for it to sit on our drive for around 330 days a year.

userchange902 · 31/07/2021 09:04

Can't you get a high back booster for the 5 year old in the middle? I've managed 3 car seats in the back of my focus so can't understand how that big thing can't! Especially if not all the lowest groups. But agree it should be his problem!!

BoomChicka · 31/07/2021 09:06

Don't stress! This is a non problem really, because a) you can afford the second car and b) in around 7 weeks you can send DH and 3 DC out of the house and enjoy watching him try to fit all his children into his pride and joy and he will have to admit defeat. Then, you will probably buy a second car, or he'll be ready to find a solution.

Or c) sell it while he is asleep

BarbaraofSeville · 31/07/2021 09:32

You say you don't need two cars, but how does it work with school/nursery/shopping errands currently? Does DH not drive to work?

I looked at that mulitmac thing, and thought 'how much' but it's nothing if it means you can genuinely get away with one car without loads of compromising/time consuming public transport.

IN the fitting FAQs it says the bolts can be left in place if you change cars, presumably they're tucked under the seats somewhere, you don't know they're there and they don't damage the back seats?

Chillychili · 31/07/2021 09:33

Depending on your birthing plan (won’t work with a home birth) but he may have to pick you and baby up from the hospital with your other DC. I would ask him how he is going to do that, because he is going to look a right tit in his big fancy car outside the maternity unit which doesn’t fit his family in!

BarbaraofSeville · 31/07/2021 09:34

If you do decide on a multimac, you need to get your skates on, it says current lead time of 12 weeks on website, but you need it quicker than that....

Neverrains · 31/07/2021 09:34

You say you don't need two cars, but how does it work with school/nursery/shopping errands currently? Does DH not drive to work?

I don’t know about the OP but we only need one car because DH works from home. On the odd days he goes to the office he gets the train. I drive to work so use the car.

OldTinHat · 31/07/2021 09:37

Take current car, part ex it for suitable car. You can do that, your DH doesn't have to be involved.

timeisnotaline · 31/07/2021 09:44

Get a friend on board and borrow a child or two. Plan to Go to a cafe and and ask him how this works - he will have to do two trips- is one with you leaving 2 children behind, then he goes back to get the two children, having left them alone? Or does he leave two small children at the cafe alone to come get you and baby? Or does he just fucking sell the car and buy another one because you will think extremely nasty things about him if he hasn’t got on board with this before baby arrives, and you are stuck at home unable to go anywhere. Really really nasty things about selfish fuckers who don’t give a fuck about their wife or children just their own selves.

You should however be prepared for him to suggest two cars. He does have a right to suggest this if you are equal decision makers. I would be clear that if he is looking for an affordable bomb for you to use with the ds so he can afford to keep swanking around in the nice car I would key it, very thoroughly. No time for men who won’t acknowledge the reality of a baby!

Oldraver · 31/07/2021 09:46

Like others have said HE needs to find a solution

I believe the Maxi Cosi Rodi is the narrowist 1-2-3 and you can get an Isofx

He needs to go to a place that specialises in car seats and look at the options

BikeRunSki · 31/07/2021 09:47

@OldTinHat

Take current car, part ex it for suitable car. You can do that, your DH doesn't have to be involved.

Well he does if his name is on the log book

isitjustlockdown · 31/07/2021 09:50

You can't force him to sell the car though, so if he really doesn't want to, then buy a second car (and he should contribute to the running costs).

Then whoever is out with the children takes the practical boring car, and whoever doesn't have the kids gets to drive the nice car.

Just make sure you are often out without the kids

BarbaraofSeville · 31/07/2021 09:51

Plus it doesn't sound like the DH is just going to go along with that - oh look you've swapped my pride and joy for a different car that's not what I want. Never mind.

Plan to Go to a cafe and and ask him how this works - he will have to do two trips- is one with you leaving 2 children behind, then he goes back to get the two children, having left them alone? Or does he leave two small children at the cafe alone to come get you and baby

That sounds like the puzzle about getting the fox, some chickens and a bag of grain across a bridge when you can only take 2 things at once and you can't leave the fox alone with the chickens or the chickens alone with the grain....

memememe · 31/07/2021 09:58

ask him how you are going to get home from the hospital... is he expecting you to sit in the back with the the baby and put the eldest in the front? that would work until the bigger one is on a booster...

but if it was me, id buy myself a car.

Neverrains · 31/07/2021 10:06

@memememe

but if it was me, id buy myself a car.

While they need to sort a car ASAP, will they actually have their other kids with them on the way home from hospital? Might be different for us as I never went to the postnatal ward so DH stayed with me on the delivery suite until we left but we never had the older kids with us on the way home from hospital. Plus unless her DH is just picking her up from the door the older kids wouldn’t be allowed in at the moment anyway.

TwinsandTrifle · 31/07/2021 10:07

We had this when our bundle of joy surprised us as being twin bundles of joy. Does the toddler still use a buggy?...As in will you be getting a double buggy. Or two separate buggies. Because you don't just need a new car that will take three car seats. You need one that will take three car seats as well as a double buggy in the boot. And there are not many around.

I had a RR which had to go. We looked at a Q7 thinking 7 seats would give our eldest more room but when a back row seat was up, the boot space was too small for a buggy. We've ended up with an XC90 which looks nice enough, but is a lousy drive, and with twins plus elder DS wedged in the back, and all the buggy and paraphernalia in the boot, there is room for nothing. The supermarket is a nightmare, I have things wedged in footwells, or have to plan a specific trip where I go straight to the supermarket (no conveniently stopping in on the way back from somewhere else) and then I can haul the buggy out, do the shop, using the boot, then put the buggy back in ready for the next outing when I've uploaded the shopping at home. The boot on his coupe will not be big enough.

Look at narrow car seats (they can vary quite a bit in width) to make the journey as comfortable for everyone. Just remember, that whilst it's going to be a pain for a couple of years, it's not permanent. Once you can get away with a smaller buggy, and the elder two are on less clunky booster type seats, your options are back open again.

You've got two options really. The car he's got is not going to work. So either you replace it with one that does, or you buy a second car that does. You'll know what is feasible.

BigFatLiar · 31/07/2021 10:21

If you can afford a second car just get one that suits you.

When the new baby arrives will you need a second car anyway? A second car is useful. I had a little sports car (Still got it) OH had a big old rover. When the twins came along we used the rover if we went as a family or whoever had charge of the twins, If one of us went out on our own they took my car. No faffing with car seats they stayed in the rover.

If you've got the money just go for the easy option get yourself a suitable car.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread