Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Everyone in DS' class seems to do football and he's left out

66 replies

smellyjellyshoes · 28/07/2021 22:44

I know it's the holidays, but quite a few boys ( and a few girls) from Ds' class do football training with a local team. It's seems they are doomb the summer coaching sessions and have planned to meet up to play football each week.

My DS hasn't shown any interest in football and I've asked if he wanted to go and try, but he doesn't. But then DS doesn't gain any friends as they are all bonding through this shared interest, and he's on his own with no holiday meet ups planned 😟 Am I over worrying? IDK it's just he's been at school for the worst 2 years in terms of socialising and even for me to try to get to know other parents. He's 6.

OP posts:

lannistunut · 01/08/2021 06:35

@Youdiditanyway

My 11 year old DS has always had this issue too. He’s never liked football or any sport, he likes gaming, maths and reading. He’s always found friendships tricky as a result because most of them like sports (recently it’s been rugby over football with his friendship group) and he just refused to entertain it because he knows he doesn’t enjoy it. He’s lost a fair few friends over the years and has often ended up walking around the playground alone. I find this concept sad and have spoken to teachers about it before but DS honestly doesn’t seem to care!

This may be completely ok. Some people are introverts.

Extroverts can't bear it because they are very needy, but honestly if your child is happy, and crucially can interact appropriately e.g. in class, at a party, then let them be themselves.

Being an extrovert is not better, just different.

I work with people who have done amazing things, their work changes lives. They were not at football club in yr6. We need all different types of people.

Bryonyshcmyony · 01/08/2021 07:23

I work with people who have done amazing things, their work changes lives. They were not at football club in yr6

How on earth do you know they weren't 😂

MimiSunshine · 01/08/2021 07:42

@smellyjellyshoes

Because their parents want them to be there

I don't have a single sporting bone in my body, so I'm not pushy. But I haven't taken him to try the football. It's just I'm not sure he really knows what it is. We don't watch any sports at home, but we are very active.

So maybe I'm feeling a bit guilty it's my fault he's left out. Especially as the coaching is one evening plus one weekend day. I have no issue with the weekend, but I would have to take my toddler in the evening and that makes me shudder, so I feel partly I've been quite happy he doesn't want to go. He does tennis one weekend day, he seems to like it, but when I asked if he wanted to rebook for September he didn't seem that keen. We have made one friend through tennis, but he's at a different school. I just wonder if the football would pave the way for more friendships. Lots of boys seem to play.

This stood out the most for me. If you don’t watch sport at home then how does he know whether he’d like to play one?

I’m not saying you have to become avid football watchers (or rugby or cricket etc) every weekend but children will often say no if they are unsure what exactly is involved.

Don’t worry about taking your toddler along, many other parents will have younger children with them. I would also try him out at the holiday club to see if he likes it.
As others have said, for may of those children, it won’t be about the football, it will be about having something to do and keeping active.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education

Sanguinesuzy · 01/08/2021 07:44

This happened to ds1. He did play football from an early age but can't say he made loads of new friends from it. He wasn't particularly good at it, just enjoyed going because some of his school friends went. Unfortunately what had been a pleasant inclusive experience turned nasty when 2 of the dads decided that the young female coaches weren't any good and secretly formed an offshoot team with all the best players. Actively bullied the coaches and broke the team up despite the team doing really well. Sadly Ds wasn't deemed good enough and that was the end of his football sessions. This was Y5 . I have to say it had a bit of a negative impact on friendships as most of his closest school friends were selected so made things quite awkward but he moved on, made new ones. Probably affected us parents the most tbh. In the end we started going to a triathlon club as ds actually enjoyed swimming and cycling. He made a few friends there and did some triathlons which boosted his confidence. The tri coach actually commented on the fact that the club seemed to attract kids who didn't like footy and it was great way of getting them into sport otherwise.
I honestly wouldn't get too fixated on the football thing but agree that keeping your son active is important. What about karate, swimming, athletics club, basketball even beavers/cubs ? Not all the kids will be playing footy at playtime, not all kids will like it, some will be pushed by their parents...once they get to secondary they find their own friends in any case. My youngest in Y9 has never played football but loves basketball, made loads of mates through it. Maybe some of your worries are more to do with the isolation caused by lockdown ?

Sanguinesuzy · 01/08/2021 07:47

@Bryonyshcmyony why are you being so unhelpful ? I'm sure you had a thread about starting triathlon in middle age and the posts you had were nothing but supportive.

Figgygal · 01/08/2021 07:52

I get it
In our area there are 2 football clubs
My ds plays in one everyone of his school friends and class 8-10 of them play with the other
I can see he misses out on reinforcing his friendships outside of school but we gave him choice of moving and he’s happy where he is, and spending time with other children can only be positive

Don’t force it he will find his thing and his people

KingdomScrolls · 01/08/2021 07:57

DH has no interest in football, when he was primary age his dad even became a volunteer coach on the local children's team to encourage him and he hated being made to go. He ended up being very good at rugby, swimming and cycling. He is also very sociable and had plenty of friends as a child. Don't force something he isn't interested in.

newnortherner111 · 01/08/2021 07:59

I can think of several boys in my class at school and especially the son of the family next door who hated football (neighbour preferred rugby). I am sure it is still the case, and your DS should not be forced to take part outside of school. Hopefully he will find a sporting interest, which will be good exercise as well.

Bryonyshcmyony · 01/08/2021 08:04

[quote Sanguinesuzy]@Bryonyshcmyony why are you being so unhelpful ? I'm sure you had a thread about starting triathlon in middle age and the posts you had were nothing but supportive.[/quote]
I don't think I'm being unhelpful? I don't like the Mumsnet trope that if you play football as a child you are never going to have a job that "changes lives" /don't understand introverts etc etc

It's perfectly possible to be a kind, clever, thoughtful child and play football and I'll keep pointing that out.

Pissinthepottyplease · 01/08/2021 08:05

My 5 yrs old DD plays football we are not a sporting family but she asked to go. She does one session a weekend, parents don’t have to stay but DH does and he takes he toddler with him. She is not interested in the football camp even though her best friend is going but she will see him at other times. Does he do any extra curricular activities?

Have you arrange play dates eg text another parent and said does Paul what to come and play on x day. You could drop them off at 2 for a couple of hours? Or arranged a broader meet up like a group text saying we will be at the park or beach on Monday morning it would be lovely if anyone would like to join us.

ExtremelyDisorganised · 01/08/2021 08:20

I don't think Bryony is being unhelpful, I too hate this "eww, football, awful" attitude that rears its head so much on MN.

I agree that if he isn't exposed to it through family he probably will say no without trying as he doesn't really know what it's like. Taking a toddler to an early evening session really isn't that awful, there are usually lots of siblings there and they all amuse each other while the parents chat, training is often in parks that have a play area to one side or there is plenty of space for them to do their own thing, even in a sports hall in winter they are fine for an hour with a snack and a game.

Multi-sport camps in the holidays are another great way of trying a few new activities, mine used to go to one at a sports centre where they did football, swimming, climbing, bouncy castle, all sorts of things, they loved it.

Sanguinesuzy · 01/08/2021 08:49

@Extremelyorganised nobody's actually complaining about football per se, it's just that it's the go to sport for most boys. There's an expectation that boys play it. OP feels her son is missing out precisely because he doesn't want to play it. I'm all for kids getting involved in sports at an early age but if your child isn't good at football they can feel excluded.

Bryonyshcmyony · 01/08/2021 08:53

Yes and I've suggested he tries other sports. But if anyone else is reading with young dcs then it's worth at least trying football as like it or not it is often social currency

LemonRoses · 01/08/2021 09:17

I agree let him try. Our son did it for a couple of terms but never enjoyed it. He then moved to rugby, and has made lifelong friends.

I would want him to find some team/social activities that encourage wider sportsmanship and a sense of belonging. I’m not sure it really matters what that is but, depending on what your local circles favour, it tends to be football or rugby for boys. Most boys speak the language of football and rugby and are slightly disadvantaged if they don’t.

Tennis is good. Can he go more frequently to a tennis club with summer school etc?

ExtremelyDisorganised · 01/08/2021 09:19

There is a comment upthread about being so relieved when a DS didn't like football and these sorts of comments come up on every football thread on MN but never on those about other sports. Of course not everyone likes football, but many of those who say they don't have never watched it, never played it, and seem to shudder at the thought. Football has played a huge part in both mine and DS's lives, so maybe I'm a bit oversensitive but I do think that, given so many boys love it and it is such great social currency (mine went to lots of football birthday parties in later primary years for example) there's no reason not to consider it as an option, perhaps, as suggested earlier by the backdoor in a multisports club or similar. If he still doesn't like it nothing is lost and he might prefer other sports which is fine too.

Hardbackwriter · 01/08/2021 09:22

@Bryonyshcmyony

Yes its totally weird to be grateful that your ds or dd isn't into football.

I wonder if football hating parents immediately snatch a ball away from their toddlers if they try and kick it, just in case they might lower themselves to playing football in a few years. If they don't take to it, fine, but otherwise its cheap, sociable and, believe it or not, fun.

My in-laws are like this - utterly contemptuous of organised sport, and talk about how lucky it is that DH just happened to have no interest in the thing he was told regularly was just for stupid people sport. The only form of exercise they consider acceptable is hill walking - DH is 34 and still not brave enough to tell them he could take or leave hiking as an activity so they still go on about how he just happened to like exactly what they like... They've started it a bit with my very active, rambunctious 3 year old, and I'm having none of it - if either of mine like football that's fine and great, as it is if they don't like it!

Flip

1 2 3