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Original poster

Everyone in DS' class seems to do football and he's left out

66 replies

smellyjellyshoes · 28/07/2021 22:44

I know it's the holidays, but quite a few boys ( and a few girls) from Ds' class do football training with a local team. It's seems they are doomb the summer coaching sessions and have planned to meet up to play football each week.

My DS hasn't shown any interest in football and I've asked if he wanted to go and try, but he doesn't. But then DS doesn't gain any friends as they are all bonding through this shared interest, and he's on his own with no holiday meet ups planned 😟 Am I over worrying? IDK it's just he's been at school for the worst 2 years in terms of socialising and even for me to try to get to know other parents. He's 6.

OP posts:
DancesWithTortoises · 29/07/2021 07:57

Fortunately, neither DS was in the least interested in football but they found their people among the geeks. :)

I was so relieved.

Sunshineshow · 29/07/2021 08:11

We had the same thing, I feel for you. You could just take him to give it a go. To be honest though it starts to fizzle out a bit as they get older. Everyone’s desperate for their kid to fit in do the football thing at the beginning. But then there’s a bit of falling out as it gets over competitive, some of the parents/coaches turn out to be nutters so others back off, too many kids get hurt in the playground so it gets banned to certain areas and the kids themselves develop their own interests. It is tough this age for boys who don’t like it though. Mind you I work with a load of men and a lot of them feign an interest they don’t really have! Bonkers really.

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:12

I'd be teaching him to play football as well as finding another sport he likes. There is no question that being able to play football is very useful and social at primary age.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General education
TheSockMonster · 29/07/2021 08:13

He’s fine now thanks @lannistunut

We stopped it before the bullying followed him back to school. Aside from a brief and horrible spell in Y6, it has been the only bullying he’s experienced, thank goodness.

When I complained to the club they agreed that the other children shouldn’t be punching him or calling him ‘retard’, but that I had to understand it was a team sport and some degree of frustration was inevitable when a child lets their team down Hmm One of the worst offenders was the DD of one of the organisers, which might go part-way to explaining it.

Hopefully most clubs aren’t so bad!

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:14

@DancesWithTortoises

Fortunately, neither DS was in the least interested in football but they found their people among the geeks. :)

I was so relieved.

Amazingly some geeks (if you mean sciencey clever kids) also like and play football. Why label your kids so early?!
Louiselady500 · 29/07/2021 08:46

This thread is depressing. There are so many sports and other activities that kids could be doing. It seems to me it’s parents putting the importance on boys playing football not the boys wanting to go a lot of the time. Try skateboarding, perfect age for it and a great way to make friends at the skate park.

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:48

@Louiselady500

This thread is depressing. There are so many sports and other activities that kids could be doing. It seems to me it’s parents putting the importance on boys playing football not the boys wanting to go a lot of the time. Try skateboarding, perfect age for it and a great way to make friends at the skate park.
It's not depressing unless you make it so. Football is cheap and easy to learn. A skateboard is expensive and hard to learn!

Any sport is difficult to master!

MissyB1 · 29/07/2021 08:50

If my ds was at a school where it was impossible to make friends unless you play football, I would seriously think I had chosen the wrong school.

Actually ds is 12 and has never joined a football club. He has always been physically active, but as a younger child he played imaginative games in the playground with boys and girls. Now he’s older and is into mountain biking, he and his friends at school spend their break times building “ramps” with whatever they can find on the school field! If he’s not doing that he’s in the school library as he’s a big reader. I’m so glad he’s at a school where he doesn’t feel he has to conform to a stereotype - and we would never have pushed him to either!

HelpingJane · 29/07/2021 08:52

Amazingly some geeks (if you mean sciencey clever kids) also like and play football. Why label your kids so early?!

I was going to say the same! My DS loves football (and is good at it!) and is also very bright, kind and has lots of other interests.

You really don't need to shove a 6yo into a box!

AlexanderArnold · 29/07/2021 08:54

I would bring him along to give it a try but maybe spend a bit of time in the garden kicking the ball around first. If he's not keen, no harm done, if he is, primary school life will be much easier for him in my experience. Lots of younger sibs come to football practice and play or watch.

I don't agree with waiting til he's nine. At this point it is a level playing field. By nine, some will have been playing for over three years and it will feel very hard to begin.

I have four boys, three love football! All clever and geeky too!

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 08:56

I have a dd and a ds who have played football from a young age. Two other dcs that have done horse riding and swimming instead. Football has been far cheaper and less stressful!!

DancesWithTortoises · 29/07/2021 08:57

@HelpingJane

Amazingly some geeks (if you mean sciencey clever kids) also like and play football. Why label your kids so early?!

I was going to say the same! My DS loves football (and is good at it!) and is also very bright, kind and has lots of other interests.

You really don't need to shove a 6yo into a box!

They are both in their 40s now and happily labelled themselves in their youth. There were plenty of DCs with similar interests. Chess, board games, Manga, and all things Geek.

If either had been interested in football I'd have felt obliged to be supportive but they weren't. They both swam but had no other interest in sports. They still don't.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/07/2021 08:59

Mine hated football and that suited me as I don’t like it either. Lots of friends like it though but we just arranged play dates with others and introduced new activities and took their friends along too.
Some may not be that keen on football, quite often clubs are childcare rather than a love of the activity.

Lunificent · 29/07/2021 09:01

I would speak to school in advance of the new school year. Find out if there are more compatible boys in other classes and have him moved to a different class if there are.
In the meantime, could you ask him if there are any boys in his year group that he gets on with/share his interests and arrange a meet up for them.

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 09:02

Don't speak to the school fgs! "more compatible boys" wtf does thst even mean!

Yes arrange a meet up with boys he likes

BogRollBOGOF · 29/07/2021 09:09

I've got my 8yo into a team to improve his friendships, but he does want to play. There's a big school/ private nursery split to the friendship groups, and with the point of me stopping work when he started school, he slots into neither as I'm not in the network of mums who bonded at the nursery gates, and he doesn't have the afterschool club network. Add in that being friendlier with the children, he lost their friendships when they were allowed to continue in school for an extra 6.5 m over the past 18m and have grown up without him.
The football team has got him into the other cohort and got him included on the playground now. He did have after-school lessons, but they didn't get going again and he fell behind and struggled to join in.

My 10yo has little interest in football. He has dyspraxia and ASD so it's not natural to him Grin Fortunately he has a secure friendship and is generally liked. He did do a couple of years of the after-school lessons but chose to stop.

Out of school they both do Cubs, swimming, karate and junior parkrun. I wouldn't say that they've built much friendship out of it, but interacting with others beyond their classes is of value and they are fit and active which means that they do perform respectably in PE/ sports day which is helpful.

It is difficult that football can have such a dominant culture on boys' lives, especially if they're not really interested. There is so much more to do out there, but it's hard when others don't recognise it.

EverythingDelegated · 29/07/2021 09:30

Mine wasn't interested till about this age, then the Euros or World Cup came along and he was hooked, they were all talking about it at school and that was it. He joined a club, it didn't work out too well (he has SNs, the coach was great but it really wasn't the place for him) but the after school football was a lot less competitive and better for him. He switched to hockey and later joined a disability football team, it has been a massive part of his life ever since (late teen now) and a huge social leveller, everywhere you go men and boys talk about football, kick a ball about, he's always off to the park with friends to kick about, I'm so glad he tried it.

As it sounds as though yours just hasn't been exposed to football at home, why not give it a try, he might love it, might hate it but you don't know till you try. Holiday and afterschool clubs are a great way to do this as they are less competitive than regular clubs.

Easyvision01 · 29/07/2021 10:12

Urgh, MN is always so snobby about football “oh I’m soooo glad my DS hated it” meh. It’s a useful social currency as kids just gravitate together and start kicking a ball around, there’s no awkwardness of trying to make friends etc. One of my kids is football mad and is a good player, they’re always in the mix of kids at the park/campsite/school playground. The other is more into gymnastics/trampoline etc. and is a bit more socially awkward and unwilling to just turn up and mix with other kids. Both are fine, but one seems easier to me.

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 10:22

Yes its totally weird to be grateful that your ds or dd isn't into football.

I wonder if football hating parents immediately snatch a ball away from their toddlers if they try and kick it, just in case they might lower themselves to playing football in a few years. If they don't take to it, fine, but otherwise its cheap, sociable and, believe it or not, fun.

Youdiditanyway · 29/07/2021 10:39

My 11 year old DS has always had this issue too. He’s never liked football or any sport, he likes gaming, maths and reading. He’s always found friendships tricky as a result because most of them like sports (recently it’s been rugby over football with his friendship group) and he just refused to entertain it because he knows he doesn’t enjoy it. He’s lost a fair few friends over the years and has often ended up walking around the playground alone. I find this concept sad and have spoken to teachers about it before but DS honestly doesn’t seem to care!

Bryonyshcmyony · 29/07/2021 10:42

@Youdiditanyway

My 11 year old DS has always had this issue too. He’s never liked football or any sport, he likes gaming, maths and reading. He’s always found friendships tricky as a result because most of them like sports (recently it’s been rugby over football with his friendship group) and he just refused to entertain it because he knows he doesn’t enjoy it. He’s lost a fair few friends over the years and has often ended up walking around the playground alone. I find this concept sad and have spoken to teachers about it before but DS honestly doesn’t seem to care!
Its sad that he doesn't care about losing RL friends. I'd be insisting on a sport, any sport, or a RL club at least.

An NT 11 year old walking around alone liking maths more than friends is a bit sad. It is possible to be sociable and like maths.

MissyB1 · 29/07/2021 11:12

@Youdiditanyway

My 11 year old DS has always had this issue too. He’s never liked football or any sport, he likes gaming, maths and reading. He’s always found friendships tricky as a result because most of them like sports (recently it’s been rugby over football with his friendship group) and he just refused to entertain it because he knows he doesn’t enjoy it. He’s lost a fair few friends over the years and has often ended up walking around the playground alone. I find this concept sad and have spoken to teachers about it before but DS honestly doesn’t seem to care!
Is he going to senior school in September? He will likely find a wider variety of clubs and activities there, with a wider variety of kids to be friends with. He will have more chance of finding his people. If he likes reading, find out what the school library offers - they may have lunchtime activities. There may also be maths clubs and chess clubs (a game that seems to suit mathematical kids)

Its not sad that he doesn't conform to some stereotype. Encourage him to be proud of who he is. He must not get the impression that you think he's less of a person for not joining the boys who kick a ball. I'm sure you wouldn't deliberately give that impression, but kids can pick up on vibes.

Steeringtherightcourse · 29/07/2021 13:12

Think the football is a bit of a red herring here and whether it's a good thing or bad thing doesn't really matter if your DS isn't in to it. I would imagine a lot of the other parents just see it as something to keep the kids occupied during the summer hols.

The issue is you're worried he's not seeing people over the holidays and I guess is possibly struggling a bit socially at school?

That's really down to you to try to fix. Ask who he would like to come over to play at your place. Or suggest a meet up in the park or softplay with a couple of people.

My DS loved football at this age but was equally happy to hang out with friends that didn't enjoy it and do other stuff too. And I was always delighted when people suggested something that meant I didn't have to fill the day!

Not sure how big his year group is but I can't imagine they are all doing football all summer? I know it's worrying when your children seem to be without friends but at this age I think you need to drive it a little and help him make some connections.

Original poster
smellyjellyshoes · 31/07/2021 23:51

@Lunificent

I would speak to school in advance of the new school year. Find out if there are more compatible boys in other classes and have him moved to a different class if there are. In the meantime, could you ask him if there are any boys in his year group that he gets on with/share his interests and arrange a meet up for them.
They had suggested a compatible friend, I didn't ask for this. They seem to get on well, but he seem to see another classmate a lot out of school as parents are friends. The other class mate is lovely, but very boisterous and a confident character. I think everyone would like him,
OP posts:
Original poster
smellyjellyshoes · 31/07/2021 23:53

... but I think it will be hard to get in there with this set up and 3 is not a good number.

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