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Original poster

Sperm Donors

28 replies

ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 09:10

Has anyone had experience with donors before? My partner and I are looking at different options and we don’t know what to expect. If anyone has had good or bad experiences or any advice that would be very welcome and helpful, thank you.

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 25/07/2021 09:39

I went through an official route. Used a donor from Cryos International. That way all health checks are done and he has no rights as my child's father, but she can get in touch with him when she's 18.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 10:13

That’s very helpful, thank you! My partner and I were wondering about that too. I was quite worried about it. Did it cost a lot if you don’t mind me asking? x

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 25/07/2021 11:45

Get in touch with the Donor Conception Network.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 12:05

Thank you! x

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 25/07/2021 15:36

@ButterflyBailey - it was about 2k a time, and it took 4 tries. But I bought three vials each time. When I did it it was legal to have the sperm sent to your home for DIY insemination. Now you have to have a healthcare professional sign for it so if I did it again I'd use a fertility clinic in Aarhus (where Cryos is based). From what I've seen it's almost cheaper (you don't have to pay for transport costs).

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 15:43

I live in England, does that mean I would need to travel to do so? I assume that is in Denmark?

OP posts:
KarmaViolet · 25/07/2021 15:44

We went to Vitanova in Copenhagen. It was a really good experience. Also recommend the Donor Conception Network.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 15:52

I have looked at both Cryos International website and also Donor Conception Network too. They both look very good to me. @TimeIhadaNameChange Did you find you had a good experience overall? You did mention you have a daughter but was the process difficult? I will make appointments to talk with professionals about this decision too. @LividLaVidaLoca Thank you for recommending Donor Conception Network. It looks like a very good website.

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 15:56

@KarmaViolet That’s good! I’m glad you had a good experience. I’ve been looking at the Donor Conception Network. It looks helpful x

OP posts:
anthurium · 25/07/2021 16:08

I used Cryos bank in Denmark like one of the previous posters. By law if you want to be treated in the UK you must use a known donor - ID release when the child turns 18. It cost around £1300 back in Feb this year. I wanted full transparency re sexual and genetic screening as well the opportunity for my child to have access to his heritage. If you want to use anonymous sperm donor, then the treatment needs to be outside the UK. Is it expensive? I think it is yes, for single women (I am one) and for those in the same sex couples, as the cost of gametes is hardly ever discussed which can add ££ to the treatment depending on how many rounds of IUI or IVF you may end up needing. I had a failed IUI last year, and a successful IVF fresh this year, so I have spent almost £3,000 on sperm alone!

anthurium · 25/07/2021 16:17

*UK clinics are very expensive. If I had my time again (I am 39/and currently pregnant) and Covid wasn't happening, I'd be looking into treatment abroad - I've read positive stories about clinics in Cyprus - to reduce the costs. Medication is another area of huge expense - mine was just under £1,000 for IVF and around £600 I believe for IUI.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 16:26

That’s very interesting and informative. Thank you @anthurium. I shall bare that in mind

OP posts:
sfeirical · 25/07/2021 16:29

I'm planning on using a donor when I'm 30. Can I ask, even if you went through the proper channels, do you still have to do IUI or do you have the option of at home insemination or just being able to do it yourself? I don't want someone to do it for me (at least the first try), and I don't want it to be treated as a medical procedure. TIA!

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 16:31

I am a female (30) with a male partner (37). He is unable to have children. We don’t want to rush into anything without doing research first and getting advice from couples who have been through it is so helpful

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 16:34

Also single women like yourself @anthurium is also extremely helpful x

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 16:39

When you say a known donor do you mean as a friend or acquaintance to yourself personally?

OP posts:
WavesAndLeaves · 25/07/2021 16:55

As a donor conceived adult I'd recommend you'd use a UK donor, even if it's more expensive - it means your child will be able to meet them more easily when they're 18, which for some is very important. Going abroad is selfish IMO, and putting your wants above the child's needs.

anthurium · 25/07/2021 16:59

*I used a known donor / non-anonymous donor via a sperm bank Cryos which was shipped to my treatment UK fertility clinic - apologies I should have been more clear. Also to clarify, I used a vial for each of my treatments (shipped to the clinic directly) so the sperm/shipping costs were higher in the long-run. As per previous posters, it is certainly possible to purchase more vials per order reducing the overall (shipping) cost.

anthurium · 25/07/2021 17:02

@WavesAndLeaves

As a donor conceived adult I'd recommend you'd use a UK donor, even if it's more expensive - it means your child will be able to meet them more easily when they're 18, which for some is very important. Going abroad is selfish IMO, and putting your wants above the child's needs.
But the donor may refuse contact, or may die in the meantime? ID release upon child turning 18 doesn't guarantee that the donor will want to accept contact from the offspring How is it choosing a sperm donor from abroad selfish exactly, I'm genuinely curious?
anthurium · 25/07/2021 17:04

*Using a sperm donor from the UK is actually cheaper for the record, as shipping costs are local. Also, sperm bank in the UK - the London Sperm Bank - has limited information on the donors (no paternal /maternal/sibling info) in comparison to the sperm banks abroad

Brunilde · 25/07/2021 17:31

Are you with a fertility clinic at the moment OP? We were slightly different as it was egg donation but they insisted on at least one counselling session. It was really helpful and they very much drilled in that they recommend being open about the child's origin and signposted us to donor conception network. After reading the stories on there from donor conceived adults we felt very strongly that it was important that any children would be able to know who the donor was and some who couldn't find out seemed so affected by this. Obviously as someone said not all will be willing to meet but we chose one who said they would in the information they wrote about themselves. I think using a donor in itself is slightly selfish as we are doing it for own our wants/ needs to have a child, and it does impact on the children. I felt the least we could do was give them the best chance at knowing their donor if they want to when they are older. Other than that we didn't get worked up about details. I wanted someone who vaguely matched my height and hair colour etc but genetics are so complicated even that is no guarantee. Turns out my son looks absolutely nothing like me and I couldn't care one bit. He is my absolute world. And maybe more for your husband, I don't even think about him being donor conceived that often. He is 100% mine and I only really consider it when it comes up in conversation. And now we have him it doesn't bother me one bit and happily discuss it with people if it comes up. I only say this as whilst making the decision and when pregnant I did sometimes worry how I would feel about him and you don't hear it discussed often.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 25/07/2021 17:42

I am not with a fertility clinic currently. I am still extremely new to this and wanting to find out as much as I can from my doctors surgery, real experiences such as you have been providing me with and for that I am very grateful, but also I do have medical conditions so will need to speak to a specialist nurse about this too.

OP posts:
IsabelHerna · 02/08/2021 09:34

Hi! Just found this thread and it gave me so much food for thought!
I'm 39yo, single, and currently on the last stage on deciding on a clinic, and of course I will be needing a sperm donor. There are so many things to consider and to decide that is going to affect the child's life and future and so many decisions to make. I feel that every decision I make, it can be seen as selfish. I want a child, but have no way of "asking" if the child wants to come... I will try to make the best I can, but I will make mistakes.
Like I said, this thread gave me a lot to think about again...

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 02/08/2021 10:15

@IsabelHerna
I'm still very much in the beginning and finding it very overwhelming. I am a member of The Donor Conception Network though which I find helpful. I hope I make good decisions xx

OP posts:
BelterDelta · 02/08/2021 23:01

@WavesAndLeaves

We tried for 19 years in the UK before the anonymity ban came into force and then suddenly overnight the waiting list for a UK donor increased 8-fold, meaning I then had even less chance of conceiving by a UK donor!!

Also, for clarification, we conceived via double donation at IVI Alicante on the first attempt overseas. If we’d have gone abroad a long time ago without using the UK route, we’d have saved ourselves tens of thousands of pounds to then spend on an existing child as well as save ourselves 2 decades worth of heartbreak and trauma, job loss, not to mention what it put our parents through.

The health screening and examinations regarding donors at IVI was far, far superior to that undertaken here in the UK. The levels of cleanliness and hygiene were a million miles away from what we had gone through here; We were expected to walk barefoot on a sterilised floormat, we BOTH (in the UK it was just me) had to wear hospital gowns and walk through a complete sterilisation spray with hairnets and so on….nothing at all like that happened in the UK.

As someone who has an open dialogue with my 6 year old with all available books, an open relationship with the Headteacher and trustworthy friends, I can categorically say we did the right thing by going overseas.