divorced in court when I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown

[samesh1tdifferentday]

I used to come on here in the middle of my breakdown I remember not feeling so alone this was 5 years ago now and things went rapidly downhill.I ended up having an emotional breakdown lost live with rights to my children, all of my finances I drew a line under (I went for clean break) giving me no financial support ongoing ( I was a business partner for 17 years of which he has also walked away with) I decided to to give over the children in order to get well,I ended up in AA and have been sober for 3 years thanks to them they have been wonderful (we have 4 dc's now 11,13,15 and 17)the ex h wont let me see them more than 1 day a week and is now chasing me for CSA now that I have finally been well enough to take on a full time job in the hospital since Feb 2021 this battle is relentless and I STILL have been so traumatised i am reluctant to fight but I have now found myself on the way to building back my life and still have no finances or access to my children -our court order states "Reasonable contact "should be given and he has never given me it actually he walked up to me outside court and said "You'll see them 1 day a week"
I have made progress alone which was all I could do but now I am ready to take some kind of action with regards to building a relationship back with me, they love me (I was a stay at home mum for the whole 17 years) and nothing bad happened to the children ever although my end stage drinking wasn't a good thing ( hence why I handed them over) I am going to get Leeway involved for control and coercion, I am also applying for a new child arrangement order through the courts but am feeling a little hard done by that I was too ill to fight for anything and the court system simply let me slide I guess just making sure the children were secure which I know was the right thing at the time.This is hurting me no end and Im ready to do something going forward but really need some advie sorry its long and thank you in advance

yes he does leave them in their care they have taken them to school driving !and he left them with his sister whilst they went away for a week rather than ask me.(sober) I feel like Im being grilled again sorry but it doesn't make someone the devil because they have had addiction issues, I believe I have met many more people that have toxic traits than just addicts and a recovering addict in my humble opinion will be deeply reflective on making personal improvements,I dont have experience first hand of alcoholism nut my mother has schizophrenia so I definitely have experience of mental disorder to be able to comment, this is why I am pleased to have found a solution to breaking this cycle at last.civvy street people can be very black and white and i have found but thats OK too I am always pleased for people that have never had to carve a normal life out of trauma, on reflection I should never have had children but I didn't even know i was unwell when I did so please forgive me all you harsh critics out there

mayaspecialist -yes I guess so but not so far as CSA are concerned which makes me SKINT!!!!! and not the younger 2 who I feel need me more the older ones just come for a jolly which is fine as its what I would have done too or and exDH will sometimes just out of the blue email to say do you want them thursday but its all so erratic I think we all just deserve to know where we stand not just HIM

Op why have you never reported his such poor parenting?

to who!!!!!!!

I have told social services they said court and I don't want to disrupt the childrens view of their dad either makes me just as bad

i feel on occasions moment pushed, bullied disbelieved and getting weaker in general but as I keep getting told as long as i don't drink this will resolve so again I am just reflecting but doing not much action except working hard to stay afloat alone its actually quite empowering but tough on certain days something I never dreamt I would be able to do.

Can you call your AA sponsor @samesh1tdifferentday? I think that it would help. Or maybe go to a meeting?

You have come so far already, keep going. Your life is getting better with time and sobriety.

OP you are doing all of the right things. You have got your self sober and have a good job - well done!
Just carry on what you are doing and your children and hopefully your ex will see that and if you end up going to court then they will be on your side because you’re doing so well.

a recovering addict in my humble opinion will be deeply reflective on making personal improvements

OP, with all due respect, this thread is not exactly a shining example of someone who is being deeply reflective on making personal improvements.

I'm glad you've made progress with your drinking but I think you still have a lot more work to do. This thread is a constant and contradictory blame game in which you gloss over the impact of your own actions while putting the worst possible slant on others, blaming others for your drinking, and representing the same situation in completely different ways depending on what narrative you're trying to create in that moment.

You don't need to go to court to see more of older teens. They'll come to you if they want to see you. Please stay in recovery and keep focusing on taking responsibility for the impact of your drinking on others.