Rich mums who don't like spending, at all.

[blarbed2]

This is just a chatty observation. Has anyone experienced having friends who are rich (like millionaires) but who are really, really tight with money? I'm not rich by the way, just have a middily income family and happen to live in a well-off area where some people are loaded.

I just find it quite strange. I have a couple of friends who are really down-to-earth, and you would never guess how rich they are. One, for example, lives in a house worth about 2 million, and they are in the middle of massive renovations. However, for years she has always been scraping around for second-hand stuff and her kids wear clothes until they are sizes too small. When we go out on day trips, I can tell she's reluctant to do ice-creams, rides, parking costs, etc.

I admire being frugal - I am myself. But although our lifestyle is modest we have the cash to enjoy ourselves a bit now and then in small ways (posting on the back of a playdate, day-trip today that has been a bit eye-brow raising when it comes to money attitudes).

[Dyrne]

I agree tight-fisted ness isn’t good; but some of the supposed “examples” people are giving on here are batshit.

Buying second hand clothes?

Taking advantage of a 2-4-1 offer?

Not buying your child an ice cream every single time you go out? (Especially at the moment where you may be going out doing things every day?)

Surely doing the above is just common sense?

I’m not “rich” by any means but I do like being careful on my day to day spending so I can afford bigger trips/experiences. So for example we’ll do lovely trips out to the zoo etc but I might bring a packed lunch. I don’t see how I’m irrevocably damaging my children by not buying them some £10 chicken nuggets every single time? Saving that £10 then means I can take them out somewhere else another day.

[Manycupsoftea]

Some people can't bear to pay for parking or a cake.
Some people wouldn't think twice.
Maybe that's the same for millionaires, maybe they weren't always rich, nothing wrong with that.
These 2 camps don't mix though.

[Winecurestiredness]

Oh yeah definitely. As a little girl I would go round a posh house every now and again for a playdate (living in Surrey!!) And I remember feeling so much pressure to finish my plate 0f food until there was no scrap left. It was odd to me as I came from an average middle class family, dad worked in IT mum was a Nurse, so we weren't rolling in it like some of these people, yet I could get away with being a very fussy/wasteful eater at home!

[Dyrne]

Actually the more I read maybe it’s just that I really am a tight-arse. I’d quite happily walk for 10-15 mins to save £10 on parking. Oh dear.

I promise I always stand my round, love buying presents, and am quite happy to split the bill on meals out with friends!

[Tangledtresses]

I know some outwardly wealthy mums, they don't work and I think as I've got to know them that the or husbands are very tight with money as a form of control.
I'm a single mum and pretty well off, as I work. But I've been skint in the past.
They just don't understand how I can afford to pay for days out, nice cars, food, entertain, holidays etc

They live in huge houses, all kids go too private schools, skiing, etc etc weirdly They all drive absolutely shit cars, and never have spare cash ever!

[MySecretHistory]

@Tangledtresses

I know some outwardly wealthy mums, they don't work and I think as I've got to know them that the or husbands are very tight with money as a form of control.
I'm a single mum and pretty well off, as I work. But I've been skint in the past.
They just don't understand how I can afford to pay for days out, nice cars, food, entertain, holidays etc

They live in huge houses, all kids go too private schools, skiing, etc etc weirdly They all drive absolutely shit cars, and never have spare cash ever!

my dc were in prep

Christmas ball- big auction and someone paid £1000 for an item. His wife was crying in the loos, turns out she hasn’t had £5 to buy the baby a hat when it was scratching its head

Massive house, Range Rovers

[whatonearthnow]

Asset rich cash poor maybe? Especially in covid times where a lot of business owners have had to take out huge loans and live off savings.

That said, some of the examples are down to different life styles, not tightness.

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

[whatonearthnow]

@MySecretHistory 'my dc were in prep

Christmas ball- big auction and someone paid £1000 for an item. His wife was crying in the loos, turns out she hasn’t had £5 to buy the baby a hat when it was scratching its head

Massive house, Range Rovers'

Seen similar. Husband bid a huge amount on some music memorabilia. Apparently Liz Hurley was at the auction, and he was trying to impress her
Wife was banned from having a bath due to the cost of hot water.

[minipie]

What's a walk without a cup of tea and cake at the end? What's a trip to the beach without a round of ice creams?

A lot healthier?

[beigebrownblue]

@Knittingnanny

My dad used to say they had “ short arms and long pockets”

Yes. Also mine always said

O.B.E. stood for


Other Buggers Efforts

Referring to the work that others on a lower income put in to endeavours which brought the OBE's to their 'title'

And we know what shame OBEs have brough on us collectively as as society. Do we not?

[beigebrownblue]

@Mumvschildren

My parents are minted-house paid off,savings,pensions etc
They are tight as hell-I remember phoning them in tears to ask for food when I was a single parent with no money to my name (he’d left and refused to pay a penny and left me in debt)
They knew this and their answer was ‘you should have thought of that before you had kids’
My mother buys everything second hand-clothes,cars,shoes,home wear etc
She’d travel miles out of the way to find a special offer,bulk buys everything and has been known to walk miles just to save 50p on parking/find a free spot
My dad buys two bottles of real ale a week-that’s it
If you saw him in the street,you’d think he was dirt poor
They say they will leave the whole lot to us (not to me-I’m nc) when they go

My lot are grown up now and between them and my eBay habit,I’ll never be rich

But there are no pockets in a shroud

This

The day is sunny, you are with friends, family, even an acquaintance and some people won't stop at a local ice cream van and give them business?

Or for that matter hotels and cafes outside? I'm beginning to love my seaside town more than i ever did. We are, down to earth.

[beigebrownblue]

@Dyrne

Actually the more I read maybe it’s just that I really am a tight-arse. I’d quite happily walk for 10-15 mins to save £10 on parking. Oh dear.

I promise I always stand my round, love buying presents, and am quite happy to split the bill on meals out with friends!

We don't have a car. Therefore no ten pounds on parking.

Perhaps ten pounds if really pushed on a local taxi to get somewhere.

But that is supporting local businesses.

[beigebrownblue]

@minipie

What's a walk without a cup of tea and cake at the end? What's a trip to the beach without a round of ice creams?

A lot healthier?

fish and chips

[beigebrownblue]

@whatonearthnow

Asset rich cash poor maybe? Especially in covid times where a lot of business owners have had to take out huge loans and live off savings.

That said, some of the examples are down to different life styles, not tightness.

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

would go with this, no ice creams if dinner is imminent,

but I'm just realising how fond i am of them as a tradition ,
but then I've always been fond of seagulls and seaside places.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

I agree with this

[grey12]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

I agree with this

One hour before dinner no, but earlier it's not an issue. On a very hot day icecream instead of the usual snack

[Maggiesfarm]

beigebrownblue: O.B.E. stood for

Other Buggers Efforts

Referring to the work that others on a lower income put in to endeavours which brought the OBE's to their 'title'

And we know what shame OBEs have brough on us collectively as as society. Do we not?
.......

What, all OBEs?

Most people who are awarded for something has achieved it as a result of team effort which they head. I see no problem with that. The team will have rewards and be proud of what has been done; there will often be opportunities in the future for them to advance.

'Other buggers' efforts', which I have heard before, is rather a vulgar and resentful thing for anyone to say (never mind your mother). There are always 'officers and foot soldiers'.

[Spandang]

God some of my best childhood memories are going to places to have an ice cream as a treat.

But then I didn’t get treats often, we were brassic.

[whatonearthnow]

@Wearywithteens

“ I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.”

Perfect example of people that know the cost of everything and value of nothing. Your kids will ENJOY the treat and it won’t kill them, or you, to have dinner an hour later. Yes you are tight, you've got all the excuses but they’re shit ones. Classic give away.

I think the point you are missing is it isn't about the money. It's about timing, and lifestyle.
I'm not entirely sure why not wanting to fill my dcs with junk immediately before their main meal makes me tight and full of shit excuses with no idea of the value of anything, but this is MN . If it makes you feel any better than are well acquainted with ice cream and cake, which they do ENJOY (see what I did there ), but just NOT before dinner

[Dyrne]

@Wearywithteens

“ I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.”

Perfect example of people that know the cost of everything and value of nothing. Your kids will ENJOY the treat and it won’t kill them, or you, to have dinner an hour later. Yes you are tight, you've got all the excuses but they’re shit ones. Classic give away.

But surely there’s a line? There’s ice cream vans everywhere we go at the moment, come across them every 5 seconds.

Are you honestly saying if we don’t buy our children an ice cream every single day we’re depriving them?

[Lemonmelonsun]

Dyrne, that's missing the point a bit, we do that most people I know take picnics.
It's the ones who then agonise or change demeanour if someone wants a hot chocolate on top.

[Lemonmelonsun]

Mine can perfectly accommodate small items of food before a meal.... And they are rake thin.
Rigid rules and inflexibility is so boring, no one is saying get an ice cream every, single, time.
As an example, pils are not going to loose their wealth if they relaxed a tiny bit or set aside money for fun like we do.
They hardly see gc and one would expect them to spoil them, but they won't, I once suggested a local farm with lots of activities that's a real treat and fil looked every which way for discount and he found one but not thta day so he said they would take her the day if the discount but she wasn't free then so they didn't take her and took her to the usual park for a bit.

When pil brought her an ice cream they all shared it, all licking it which is a huge no no for me.
They are very wealthy, everything is always paid outright, they really can afford this. They go and on about money all the time, it's a massive prevalent force in their lives and it dominates them..
I do know other wealthy people and they manage to be normal.. Take picnics, buy second hand where necessary, budget but also let go the reigns "sometimes" sometimes buy that ice cream and don't get up tight about it etc

[coodawoodashooda]

I agree with the poster who said that being frugal is fine but tight isn't.

[jasminoide]

I'm not loaded but even if I was I'd still see the value of money. I hate buying from an ice cream van when I can get a multipack from the supermarket for the same price.
What really gets on my wick is my friend who calls me tight and laughs at the above example, but will spend £100+ on a day out (attraction, ice creams, chicken nuggets in the restaurant and souvenir) but then cries poverty and needs loans to pay basic bills.