Rich mums who don't like spending, at all.

[blarbed2]

This is just a chatty observation. Has anyone experienced having friends who are rich (like millionaires) but who are really, really tight with money? I'm not rich by the way, just have a middily income family and happen to live in a well-off area where some people are loaded.

I just find it quite strange. I have a couple of friends who are really down-to-earth, and you would never guess how rich they are. One, for example, lives in a house worth about 2 million, and they are in the middle of massive renovations. However, for years she has always been scraping around for second-hand stuff and her kids wear clothes until they are sizes too small. When we go out on day trips, I can tell she's reluctant to do ice-creams, rides, parking costs, etc.

I admire being frugal - I am myself. But although our lifestyle is modest we have the cash to enjoy ourselves a bit now and then in small ways (posting on the back of a playdate, day-trip today that has been a bit eye-brow raising when it comes to money attitudes).

[Ohgiveover77]

100%

In my mums group, there are a few multi millionaires (or their properties are worth more than a million at least) they are lovely and very down to earth, but are the first ones to grab clothes when other mums put them on the group for free. The kids often wear the same thing and look fairly scruffy. They cut back in so many ways, also nice but v old cars. The only big expense I do see (aside from properties) is money spent on experiences and travel (pre covid)

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Urgh I hit send too soon.

I want to give myself as an example. We are by no means millionaires, but we've just (6 months ago) moved into a house thats probably one of the biggest on out street. We're doing a big extension. Son goes to private nursery and then will go to a prep school. It probably looks like we're loaded from the outside looking in but 99% of incoming is accounted for. We dont have a lot of spare cash. Maybe its the same for your neighbours?

[MyriadeOfThings]

@Lemonmelonsun

One ring

But similarly rich people won't get poor by occasionally forgoing the cheaper ice land tub and going wild and buying an ice cream!!

We don't organise our money lol this op, we have money separated nearly every penny for each thing so we have ££ tk spend on the weekend and that's for anything including an extravagant ice cream because that's money is for whatever.

Petrol money, food, bills, mortgage, multiple savings, holidays, Xmas is all accounted for.

I don't understand why rich people don't do this? Give themselves a budget so they can buy the dc proper fitting clothes, an extravagant ice cream.. Whilst knowing everything else is covered??

Because they don’t see the clothes and the ice cream as something important and worth spending money on….

[Rainbowsew]

I'd be wary of financial abuse too.
Just because someone lives in a house worth x million doesn't mean they have disposable cash to play with either. The fact the place needs work is probably indicative enough that cash on marked up ice cream could be better spent on a tin of paint is proof enough!

[ahoyshipmates]

Some people have become rich because they don't spend their money.

[rbmilliner]

I think it's all a matter of what you term as important.
I don't see how you can judge someone because they don't want to spend out on ice creams or fair ground rides, it depends what your priorities are

[gollyh]

To me the only thing that justifies being called tight is when someone is not paying their fair share.

I agree, buying 2nd hand is not tight. I think lots of posters are confusing what tight is. Tight imo is constantly expecting others to pay or lend you stuff & never reciprocating.

In a very timely text said cousin has asked to borrow my camping chairs but we need them so she's going to ask my brother & school mums. I don't even mind lending particularly but I don't think I've ever borrowed anything from her ever 😆

Someone at work comes to every party with Tupperware to fill up whatever is left over at the buffets!

[blarbed2]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

However, for years she has always been scraping around for second-hand stuff and her kids wear clothes until they are sizes too small. When we go out on day trips, I can tell she's reluctant to do ice-creams, rides, parking costs, etc.

How do you know that all the money doesnt go on the house/cars etc?

Probably, yes. But isn't that about giving the impression that you are rich, when actually you have no real money. Or maybe actually being rich, but then being tight in some areas, to the detriment of actually enjoying living?

They have a very, very expensive flashy brand new car. However, isn't that just pissing money down the drain? It's not an investment (not an old, classic that will keep it's value). The sculptures they are currently erecting in their garden will be costing a fortune, but they are unlikely to be keeping their value as they will deteriorate over time.

Today, it made our day-out quite stressful, as I felt on edge every time she pulled faces and seemed uncertain about doing little things. And it's often like this. If she was a friend that I knew was hard-up, fair enough. But I just find the paradox weird here.

[Lemonmelonsun]

Myraide the point is, fun money rings fenced it could be spend on anything... Hundred pots of play dough..

[grey12]

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

People don't get rich by wasting their money on ice cream. I'm not rich but I buy a months worth of magnums in Iceland for the cost of 4 on a day out. We never buy overpriced food / snacks on day trips.

You are right, last summer I went out with the kids and walked 5 min to get icecream at Sainsburys instead of the icecream truck. Soooooooo much cheaper and better quality actually!

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

They have a very, very expensive flashy brand new car. However, isn't that just pissing money down the drain?

Depends what you value I guess. I personally wouldnt choose to spend a lot of money on a car, but then I dont really value expensive cars. Neither do you by the sounds of it. They might.

[PattyPan]

I would have just assumed that they are strapped for cash due to the renovations and possibly massive mortgage payments. They could be asset rich but cash poor.

[Hadalifeonce]

I have a relation like this always loathe to part with money. Last time we went out to eat they said we'll only have mains here then we can go back to ours for pudding. Good idea I thought, as there were about 10 of us, excellent forethought for her to get pudding in. (We had been told to bring dinner for the previous evening, another family member had been told to bring a lunch). As we were getting into our cars, she told DH, where to buy the pudding,
and not to forget ice cream.
Essentially they provided no meals at all, even though they had virtually begged us to stay.

[BigPyjamas]

Some of these examples are certainly extreme.

I have to admit that I fall into this wealthy category (if you look at house price and savings, we aren't flashy) and whilst I'd say we were very generous with hosting, friends, gifts, charity, quality food and drink as well as our time to help others when needed, some of my other behaviour might raise eyebrows: I wear a wooden hat and mitten indoors in winter when i'm home alone rather than put the heating on (it's warm when kids or others are here), I always switch lights off, I don't like paying £18 for city centre parking and so take the bus, I buy most kids clothes from EBay (better for the environment) or supermarkets (if it's rough and tumble stuff, I will try to buy lots from B&M when I can as it's much cheaper, I drive a little further to buy cheaper petrol.

But, then I'll spend thousands on a painting, or £100 on a joint of meat for a dinner party.

I guess I can see the value in some things (art, entertaining, treating friends, holidays) and not in others, usually when there is a decent and comparable alternative or I think I'm being fleeced (parking!) or when it makes ecological sense

[brewstwo]

I don't know why you are surprised.
On any MN thread about wealthy people posters are falling over themselves to say how proper rich people only drive battered cars, wear inherited knickers.

[Tealwarrior]

‘and had a packet of biscuits to send out when they were playing in the street’

You sound lovely 💐

[Tealwarrior]

‘Iwear a wooden hat and mitten indoors in winter when i'm home alone rather than put the heating on’

How do you get anything done with wooden mittens on.

[Tealwarrior]

They have a very, very expensive flashy brand new car. However, isn't that just pissing money down the drain? It's not an investment

Honestly Op, not everything has to be an investment. Something like a brand new car can just be for the sheer enjoyment of it.

[thelegohooverer]

But how can you reliably know how much disposable income people have?

We have invested in our house as a long term investment. Ds has SN necessitating me staying home, but which are largely invisible. In the last recession we were sailing very, very close to the wind. Our house value had dropped to 60% what we paid, and at one point we invested all our savings (literally all) into dh’s business to keep it afloat.

We prioritise savings and pensions. Driving a fancy car or wearing designer clothes isn’t a priority for me. My dc wear supermarket clothes and bring a packed lunch, but we invest in their education (and therapies) and hopefully can help them out later if no emergencies come along to wipe us out.

To an outsider I’m a sahm living in a nice house, driving an old car and so tight that I shop in Aldi.

[thelegohooverer]

I love the idea of a wooden hat

[CorianderBee]

Not friends, but my in-laws. They have TVs from the 00s and save every scrap of food for something and mend their clothes.

They always just say you don't get rich by spending money.

[FiveGs]

My best friend is like this. Lives in a gorgeous flat in Zone 1, not short of a quid.

She took half a bottle of (opened) wine to our friend's wedding and thought that was a good present! Her tightness knows no bounds.

I do judge her for it, sadly.

[beigebrownblue]

I had an ex husband who wouldn't ever go out to eat, or spend money on holidays. He reckoned because I wanted to do so (not frequent or expensive) but just as occasional treat, i was wasteful with money.

I wasn't. I was very frugal, spent a lot of time searching for bargains etc, home cooked etc.

I think it is dysfunctional in the extreme and ultimately abusive.

As far as the ice creams are concerned, if you buy an ice cream out, you are supporting a local business and potentially a family.

Same with eating out. You enjoy the experience, don't have to cook and support jobs

[Lemonmelonsun]

I've never heard of a wooden hat, is this for earth or self chastisement?