Rich mums who don't like spending, at all.

[blarbed2]

This is just a chatty observation. Has anyone experienced having friends who are rich (like millionaires) but who are really, really tight with money? I'm not rich by the way, just have a middily income family and happen to live in a well-off area where some people are loaded.

I just find it quite strange. I have a couple of friends who are really down-to-earth, and you would never guess how rich they are. One, for example, lives in a house worth about 2 million, and they are in the middle of massive renovations. However, for years she has always been scraping around for second-hand stuff and her kids wear clothes until they are sizes too small. When we go out on day trips, I can tell she's reluctant to do ice-creams, rides, parking costs, etc.

I admire being frugal - I am myself. But although our lifestyle is modest we have the cash to enjoy ourselves a bit now and then in small ways (posting on the back of a playdate, day-trip today that has been a bit eye-brow raising when it comes to money attitudes).

[londonmummy1966]

DM came from a wealthy family but her father gambled the lot away. She has therefore always been really tight about cash. I remember crying in the kitchen as a 12 year old as I had broken a test tube at school and needed 20p to pay for a new one and she had gone ballistic about it. DP are rolling in it and have been for as long as I can remember..................

I can be a bit puritanical sometimes - ie will usually look for something secondhand before buying it new - certainly wasn't going to waste money on new baby clothes etc when they are outgrown so fast and my kids were always the ones in uniform way too big at school. At other times I'm keen to allow them to buy what they want as I never could.

[MurielSpriggs]

I think frugality is a personality trait rather than anything to do with your actual wealth. I wouldn't say the same about largesse. You can be very spendy and poor, or very spendy and rich..

The problem is the spendy poor one is spending someone else's cash, and heading for bankruptcy!

[Aalvarino]

I think frugality is a personality trait rather than anything to do with your actual wealth. I wouldn't say the same about largesse. You can be very spendy and poor, or very spendy and rich..

There is a huge amount of moral judgement around spending (bad, usually) and saving (good, usually), and around generosity and tightness.

Personally, I loathe financial tightness and control, and find it usually goes hand in hand with emotional tightness and control, and a transactional way of thinking about everything including social relationships. So that's my moral judgement.

Complete minefield. If you find yourself questioning this person's motives, though, OP, then maybe they aren't for you nor you for them? Maybe you're just a bit irreconcilable..

[woodhill]

@jasminoide

I'm not loaded but even if I was I'd still see the value of money. I hate buying from an ice cream van when I can get a multipack from the supermarket for the same price.
What really gets on my wick is my friend who calls me tight and laughs at the above example, but will spend £100+ on a day out (attraction, ice creams, chicken nuggets in the restaurant and souvenir) but then cries poverty and needs loans to pay basic bills.

Yes you are very sensible

Selective spending

I'm a take a packed lunch type of mum

[DishingOutDone]

I’ve just had a supermarket own brand mini milk and I can barely get me shoes on now. That’ll learn me.

[fingersfy]

It's fine, I will buy you one & I don't mind if you don't return the favour 😜

[whatonearthnow]

@fingersfy

No my point was only on MNs will an ice cream make you fat, ruin dinner & bedtime.

Honestly have a Magnum & relax!

I would... but... it'd make me fat, ruin my dinner, and keep me awake... so, well, no can do.

Plus the COST?! A magnum FFS???? Branded?

[fingersfy]

No my point was only on MNs will an ice cream make you fat, ruin dinner & bedtime.

Honestly have a Magnum & relax!

[whatonearthnow]

@fingersfy

I love the way giving your kids an ice cream at the beach = filling them with shit, making them fat or leads to them not eating their dinner thus disrupting their routine. 😆

FGS this is so MN!!!!! The point is TIMING. Is that so hard to understand? Seriously? Talk about taking what you want from a post without actually reading the whole thing...

I'm perfectly happy for my dcs have ice creams, cake etc on a day out, just not immediately before dinner. So far so normal. The point I was making I have friends who consistently want to buy them right at the end of the day, pretty much as we're packing up to go home, and I probably look a bit po faced about it, hence they are probably on here bitching that I'm one of those insanely rich mothers who is so incredibly tight they resent prising open their purse to scrabble together the necessary coppers to pay for it. Nope. Not tight, just not up for resultant evening hassle. My dcs are young though, very much not applicable to older dcs who are distinctly gannet like and can eat pretty much anything anytime with no ill effects.

[mindutopia]

My mum and stepdad have a lot of money. She's been retired many years now, but when he was still working, he made about £200k with a bonus on top, which was maybe another £100k. Collectively, they get about £8,000 a month in pension now. It's mind-blowing to me. (She had a good salary when I was growing up, but nothing crazy, we scraped by most months thanks to credit cards, we definitely weren't rich. She was a single parent).

They are mortgage free in a normal house with a normal car. When she travels to see me (they don't live in the UK), she will search for weeks to get the best flight deal, almost never flying direct. She'll have two changes of planes to save £300. It boggles the mind. She could afford to fly first class every time. She's just weird and obsessive about it.

[MojoJojo71]

Has she always had money? when I was growing up my family were on benefits, lived in a council house and I was on free school meals. When I got my first job I was on minimum wage and when I had my first child was on a very low income. We got by but I have to be very very frugal and often remember scrambling around for pennies to buy milk, doing my shopping in 4 different shops to get the best price etc.

Over time I’ve been back to uni, retrained and worked my way up and now own my own home and earn £50k. I have a reasonable disposable income but old habits die hard and I often find it very difficult to spend money without feeling like I’m ‘wasting’ it. I buy most of my clothes and DD’s second hand or in supermarkets and am always looking out for discount codes, free days out etc. Might she be similar?

[fingersfy]

I love the way giving your kids an ice cream at the beach = filling them with shit, making them fat or leads to them not eating their dinner thus disrupting their routine. 😆

[jasminoide]

I'm not loaded but even if I was I'd still see the value of money. I hate buying from an ice cream van when I can get a multipack from the supermarket for the same price.
What really gets on my wick is my friend who calls me tight and laughs at the above example, but will spend £100+ on a day out (attraction, ice creams, chicken nuggets in the restaurant and souvenir) but then cries poverty and needs loans to pay basic bills.

[coodawoodashooda]

I agree with the poster who said that being frugal is fine but tight isn't.

[Lemonmelonsun]

Mine can perfectly accommodate small items of food before a meal.... And they are rake thin.
Rigid rules and inflexibility is so boring, no one is saying get an ice cream every, single, time.
As an example, pils are not going to loose their wealth if they relaxed a tiny bit or set aside money for fun like we do.
They hardly see gc and one would expect them to spoil them, but they won't, I once suggested a local farm with lots of activities that's a real treat and fil looked every which way for discount and he found one but not thta day so he said they would take her the day if the discount but she wasn't free then so they didn't take her and took her to the usual park for a bit.

When pil brought her an ice cream they all shared it, all licking it which is a huge no no for me.
They are very wealthy, everything is always paid outright, they really can afford this. They go and on about money all the time, it's a massive prevalent force in their lives and it dominates them..
I do know other wealthy people and they manage to be normal.. Take picnics, buy second hand where necessary, budget but also let go the reigns "sometimes" sometimes buy that ice cream and don't get up tight about it etc

[Lemonmelonsun]

Dyrne, that's missing the point a bit, we do that most people I know take picnics.
It's the ones who then agonise or change demeanour if someone wants a hot chocolate on top.

[Dyrne]

@Wearywithteens

“ I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.”

Perfect example of people that know the cost of everything and value of nothing. Your kids will ENJOY the treat and it won’t kill them, or you, to have dinner an hour later. Yes you are tight, you've got all the excuses but they’re shit ones. Classic give away.

But surely there’s a line? There’s ice cream vans everywhere we go at the moment, come across them every 5 seconds.

Are you honestly saying if we don’t buy our children an ice cream every single day we’re depriving them?

[whatonearthnow]

@Wearywithteens

“ I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.”

Perfect example of people that know the cost of everything and value of nothing. Your kids will ENJOY the treat and it won’t kill them, or you, to have dinner an hour later. Yes you are tight, you've got all the excuses but they’re shit ones. Classic give away.

I think the point you are missing is it isn't about the money. It's about timing, and lifestyle.
I'm not entirely sure why not wanting to fill my dcs with junk immediately before their main meal makes me tight and full of shit excuses with no idea of the value of anything, but this is MN . If it makes you feel any better than are well acquainted with ice cream and cake, which they do ENJOY (see what I did there ), but just NOT before dinner

[Spandang]

God some of my best childhood memories are going to places to have an ice cream as a treat.

But then I didn’t get treats often, we were brassic.

[Maggiesfarm]

beigebrownblue: O.B.E. stood for

Other Buggers Efforts

Referring to the work that others on a lower income put in to endeavours which brought the OBE's to their 'title'

And we know what shame OBEs have brough on us collectively as as society. Do we not?
.......

What, all OBEs?

Most people who are awarded for something has achieved it as a result of team effort which they head. I see no problem with that. The team will have rewards and be proud of what has been done; there will often be opportunities in the future for them to advance.

'Other buggers' efforts', which I have heard before, is rather a vulgar and resentful thing for anyone to say (never mind your mother). There are always 'officers and foot soldiers'.

[grey12]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

I agree with this

One hour before dinner no, but earlier it's not an issue. On a very hot day icecream instead of the usual snack

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

I agree with this

[beigebrownblue]

@whatonearthnow

Asset rich cash poor maybe? Especially in covid times where a lot of business owners have had to take out huge loans and live off savings.

That said, some of the examples are down to different life styles, not tightness.

I rarely spend money on cake, and ice creams. I'm not tight, I just rather my dcs ate their dinner. If they've been running about like mad things all day and are starving hungry, then yes, no problem. I'll admit I get slightly irritated when out with friends and they insist on massive ice creams for the dcs about an hour before dinner. Why? It messes up dinner, messes up bedtime when they suddenly realise they are hungry having refused dinner. I imagine I have a bit of a sucked lemon look about me as I reluctantly cough up.

would go with this, no ice creams if dinner is imminent,

but I'm just realising how fond i am of them as a tradition ,
but then I've always been fond of seagulls and seaside places.

[beigebrownblue]

@minipie

What's a walk without a cup of tea and cake at the end? What's a trip to the beach without a round of ice creams?

A lot healthier?

fish and chips