Rich mums who don't like spending, at all.

[blarbed2]

This is just a chatty observation. Has anyone experienced having friends who are rich (like millionaires) but who are really, really tight with money? I'm not rich by the way, just have a middily income family and happen to live in a well-off area where some people are loaded.

I just find it quite strange. I have a couple of friends who are really down-to-earth, and you would never guess how rich they are. One, for example, lives in a house worth about 2 million, and they are in the middle of massive renovations. However, for years she has always been scraping around for second-hand stuff and her kids wear clothes until they are sizes too small. When we go out on day trips, I can tell she's reluctant to do ice-creams, rides, parking costs, etc.

I admire being frugal - I am myself. But although our lifestyle is modest we have the cash to enjoy ourselves a bit now and then in small ways (posting on the back of a playdate, day-trip today that has been a bit eye-brow raising when it comes to money attitudes).

[Maggiesfarm]

I don't know about tight exactly but some people are not spendthrifts and others are, regardless of how much or little they have. It's their nature. As long as they spend sometimes and are generous with children and give some away to charity discreetly, why worry.

An old, very rich friend of mine was very careful not to be ostentatious but wasn't mean. He was conscious of others less well off.

It's not a bad trait really.

[gollyh]

Yes what's a wooden hat?

[Lemonmelonsun]

Beige I agree, we usually buy ice cream in bulk etc but if we are out eg in London not home and we fancy an ice cream we have one, because we have x budget to spend and we know that won't see us descend into poverty.

I also usually but not obsessively source second hand stuff, use free cycle but it's not obsessive.

[MyriadeOfThings]

They have a very, very expensive flashy brand new car. However, isn't that just pissing money down the drain?

It depends what you value really.

But the issue isn’t where she spends her money. The issue is that you don’t spend money the same way and this makes you feel uncomfortable.
I’m sure why tbh. You want ice creams, she doesn’t. You get some, she waits for you and then you carry on together?
Im wondering if all the hesitations and pulling faces wasn't about the fact she felt SHE had to follow suit when she didn’t really want to

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Dh had a very well off elderly relative who was unbelievably tight. Her cleaning lady would do her shopping for her, and would have to go to X supermarket instead of Y, just for the butter, since it was 1p cheaper.

She was a keen knitter and I was once with her in a small wool shop where the price of what she wanted was £12.12p.
She argued for ages with the assistant, trying to get her to knock off the 12p, despite the assistant saying she couldn’t, it wasn’t her shop.

Talk about embarrassing!
My nickname for her was Queen Midas.

[Jobseeker19]

Why am I laughing every time someone mentions wooden hat?

Is it like the tin foil hat for tightness.

[Kitkat151]

My uncle was like this....lots of money....big expensive country house....lovely man.... but very frugal...used to knock nails straight and use them again...took him ages hammering away in his shed😁

[Dacquoise]

My uncle is a multimillionaire but wouldn't give you the drips off the end of his nose. I don't think I have ever received more than a card from him although I always bought his children presents for Christmas.

First wife used to dilute tins of Heinz soup with water to make them go further. Second wife was told she was only worth a million pound payoff when he run off with a younger model, despite providing the capital from her house to start the enterprise that made him a multi-millionaire. He's still hassling about where she intends to distribute 'his' money in her will.

Third wife lives in the annex next door to his house because he doesn't like her son. One big barrel of generosity and joy!

[DoorMatCat]

The 'rich' mum I knew back when my kids were at primary, was anything but.

University educated, decent job until the kids arrived, became SAHM because his job (working away at times) wasn't compatible with her working. They relocated to his home town, amazing house.

I noticed she always had to 'check' with her husband if she wanted to buy anything. She always seemed a bit on edge.

Kids progressed from state to private schooling.

Turns out his family was bankrolling the house, schools etc. She had peanuts to play with.

They ended up divorced, she left the area. The kids remained with him in the amazing house. I don't know the specifics but I'm guessing the house was never hers. Probably within the grandfather's property empire.

[BigPyjamas]

@Tealwarrior

Fingerless mittens, entirely practical for most things. The hat is woollen but perhaps there's something in a wooden hat, more 'woe is me, I don't put the heating on' than fancy wool

[Grellbunt]

@MissJeanBrodiesprime

I also find it unfathomable how rich people see an item on offer in the supermarket, like cereal or coffee for example and take six of them off the shelf so they’re sold out for the people who could really benefit from that offer.

I've never thought of it like that! I always assumed they would restock....

[Grellbunt]

I often don't buy ice creams because I am worried about everyone's waistlines....

[Mumvschildren]

My parents are minted-house paid off,savings,pensions etc
They are tight as hell-I remember phoning them in tears to ask for food when I was a single parent with no money to my name (he’d left and refused to pay a penny and left me in debt)
They knew this and their answer was ‘you should have thought of that before you had kids’
My mother buys everything second hand-clothes,cars,shoes,home wear etc
She’d travel miles out of the way to find a special offer,bulk buys everything and has been known to walk miles just to save 50p on parking/find a free spot
My dad buys two bottles of real ale a week-that’s it
If you saw him in the street,you’d think he was dirt poor
They say they will leave the whole lot to us (not to me-I’m nc) when they go

My lot are grown up now and between them and my eBay habit,I’ll never be rich

But there are no pockets in a shroud

[Bobbiebigbum]

I instantly thought financial control too. I known someone who was married to an mp, yet he controlled her financial decisions so she had to pay herself a salary via a business she set up.

[hellcatspangle]

Sometimes when you spend loads of money on one thing, like a house, it means you have less left than if you'd bought a cheaper house.

Absolutely true. The friend of mine with the biggest house that made her look rich, actually struggled for money as it was so expensive to run - they realised this and after a couple of years downsized so they could afford to go out.

[NotanothernamechangeforMN]

Yes I have a friend in a 2million house with loads of acres of land, a swimming pool/gym/annex- the lot! You would never have guessed it because her family are very thrifty. They very rarely eat out. Never waste food. I need to take a leaf out of their book.

[Walkingthedog46]

Some people I know who are wealthy, have money precisely because they look at their money twice when considering an expenditure- and then decide not to spend it! They are very, very careful with their money.

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

What I find hard to take is those people who suck the joy out of everything.

I know someone who would never have a meal out because it costs more than eating at home. Their TV is elderly and inherited from in laws so doesn’t work properly. Same with the lap top. It’s inefficient, constantly failing, but they’re too mean to get a replacement.

If anyone mentions they have a new dress, car, a day out or anything at all, there’s that sucky in mouth and a comment like ‘Ooh, I could never spend money on that’. It’s joyless.

We all have different priorities and spend money according to them, but stinginess is very unattractive.

[Nsky]

Live alone, house paid for, I just hate meanness, frugal is good, sometimes you need to live a bit

[BraveGoldie]

I think part of it is it depends where you start from. My dad was really poor- climbed his way up, worked damned hard, and made wise decisions. He's not rich rich, but he is very comfortable now..... but he still gets really stressed if you buy orange juice from the wrong shop, where it costs 5p more- and he refuses to buy a Sunday paper, which gives him half a day's pleasure to read, because £2 feels extortionate for him.

He is 78.... I am quite sure he will never get out of that mentality.

[BraveGoldie]

Oh and parking ..... he will still creak and stumble to walk in from the outside of town in order to avoid the few pounds cost of parking in the centre... at 78.

[Lemonmelonsun]

Fire, financial independence reitre early, is a movement that believes in stashing away as much money young, so you have "fuck you" money and can then live, work how and when you want or don't work.

They are 100% on being frugal, second hand cars, clothes, learn how to plumb, and so on.
But even there they say live a little it's not about putting life on hold until you can retire!
Buying expensive drinks out every day will add up, but once in a blue moon..

I find it very sad actually when some wealthy people panic about these small things.

[JudesBiggestFan]

Tightness for me is literally the worst quality a person can have. It just steals the joy from life! What's a walk without a cup of tea and cake at the end? What's a trip to the beach without a round of ice creams? Yes I can keep the kids at home all summer doing crafts, but the clubs and days out and spontaneous cinema trips are life enhancing and fun. As for people who quibble over bills...just no. As my nan always said...there's no pockets in a shroud.

[Knittingnanny]

@Foxyloxy1plus1, me too! Meanness is a very unattractive trait.
My late mother in law was well off but did not like parting with money. For instance she never bought nice cake as “ it was too expensive”, but would always help herself first to the biggest and best slice on the table when she came to ours for tea.
One day she sat at the beach with youngest grandson, 7 at the time. When I caught up with them an hour later he said “please can we have ice cream now mummy? “ The “ kind” grandma didn’t want to get her purse out to buy them as “ she bought them last time” . She hadn’t but obviously I didn’t point that out! How mean spirited to make a child wait for the sake of a couple of ££

[HollowTalk]

@MyriadeOfThings

They have a very, very expensive flashy brand new car. However, isn't that just pissing money down the drain?

It depends what you value really.

But the issue isn’t where she spends her money. The issue is that you don’t spend money the same way and this makes you feel uncomfortable.
I’m sure why tbh. You want ice creams, she doesn’t. You get some, she waits for you and then you carry on together?
Im wondering if all the hesitations and pulling faces wasn't about the fact she felt SHE had to follow suit when she didn’t really want to

But you can't buy your own children an ice cream if your friend isn't buying her children one.