My 15 year old son finally put on a wash! He's had no clean clothes or sheets for 2 months

[ItPearl]

And that's how long it took him to crack. Wow. He puts up a good fight. But I think ............................................. I've won this one (?)

I work full time and he sits in his bedroom full time, so I don't think it's too much to ask that he do his own laundry. I told him this two months ago and he responded ''no way''.

So. I feel like I'm getting somewhere! Glad I didn't cave and give in.

To the PP who was appalled at parents not giving their dc life skills before uni - definitely agree they probably don't have teens and if they do, they are of the compliant, hygienic variety.

Ds23 always showered daily, often twice, changes clothes daily (or more), changes his bedding weekly (I assume he still does now), hasn't much interest in food so tends to cook the same well balanced and nutricious things (stir fries and pasta dishes). So obviously a total credit to me.

Dd20 showers daily, often twice. Changes bedding weekly (again an assumption as she no longer lives at home), changes clothes daily or more. Is a bit of a foodie so makes yummy dishes that she sends me photos of and also sends me the recipe. So obviously a total credit to me.

Ds18 has to be hunted into the shower, repeatedly told not to lie on his bed after soccer, repeatedly told to change t-shirts daily, repeatedly told to put his dirty laundry in the wash basket, changes his bedding when told to do so (mainly the day before the cleaner comes as I tell him it's insulting to expect her to do it), would quite happily exist on junk food but seems to have taken my dire warnings of scurvy on board and has practiced a few dishes for when he goes to uni next year (passata does count as a vegetable, right?). There's none of that on my side so it's obviously dh's fault. Afterall, I did so well with the other two.

Love the university challenge!

Dc have their own washing basket in their bathroom. I stopped washing their clothes part way through lockdown last year and told DS1 (then 13) he was now responsible. He generally puts a wash on when the basket is getting too full or he has worn his favourite fleece for 3 days in a row and I insist it needs washing.

I know someone who is proud her 30+ son now gets his ( not live in) girl friend to do his washing. Mum was still putting his clothes away till he left home a couple of years ago.

@RyanAirVeteran

I retired in January due to furlough and I couldn't be bothered anymore itis, anyway point being it has given me plenty of time to just mooch.

I went into his bedroom a few months ago and damn near needed a tetanus, so I refused lifts until it was tidy, his bed is a cabin bed, so hell will freeze over before I change that, but I have been going in every day when he is at work, and picking up juice bottles, food wrappers, discarded socks, t-shirts, he moaned at first but I told him he had, had twenty years doing it his way and it hadn't worked out for me, so now it was my turn.

He knows what to do, he can do it when he bothers, so I know I am not ruining him for some future life partner.

It is always good when the drip, drip, drip produces results.

I went into his room needed a tetanus

Why on earth do patents allow it tiger into that state???

And not insisting on weekly bedding changes and clean clothes

How totally gross 🤮

To those who said they would’ve done it as it’s easier or to avoid the kid being picked on due being smelly etc - if the kid cares that much about being picked on they’d get off their backside and do it themselves!

I’m very bad for stepping in and doing things rather than letting my DC take responsibility and it’s something I really want to work on.

Well done OP.... let him hone his new skills for a month, build up some confidence then he can start learning his way round the kitchen..
...then soon... how to clean the bathroom....... and so on...

He should be housetrained just in time to leave home!!😂😂

@horseymum

I know someone who is proud her 30+ son now gets his ( not live in) girl friend to do his washing. Mum was still putting his clothes away till he left home a couple of years ago.

Wow, that is mortifying. I'd far rather my 15 year old son lived in his own squalor for a while than to admit to being the mother of man child ten years from now.

Great OP, now how long will he wear crumpled clothes until he learns how to iron?

My husband had absolutely everything done for him by his mum, and now it's a very frustrating and depressing battle to get him to do anything. I'm determined not to inflict that on my sons' future partners

My MiL was like this. She had 3 sons, never went out to work despite them being in severely dire financial straits, and did absolutely everything for them. She told me that I'd have to lay out all his clothes for him, make sure his dinner was on the table for him and do all the shopping and housework.

In her world, women just didn't go out to work. She couldn't understand why I wanted my own career instead of doing what she had doe.

I hope you have a limited sense of smell OP and no diseases or flies have resulted.

Well done.

Any reason wifi wasnt turned off until chores done? My kids must fucking hate me

Dd1(19) and dd2(15) get a list of jobs, if they are not done they have to sort their own tea(5 days once and the list of chores to be done got longer each day).

I remind them to change their beds, they know where the cleaning bedding is kept, it's up to them to actually do it(doesn't get done as often as I would like but does get done eventually.

Happy to do the washing IF it's in the washing basket, I remind them when I'm putting a load in, if it's not in the basket it waits til next time or they do it themselves

Bloody brilliant. Well done.
What’s the next thing he has to learn to do?

Wow, you know where he gets his iron will from.
You should offer mentoring to us mums who cave after a few days.

Ds1 never washed his bedding for an entire term at uni. He brought it home with him to wash during the holidays. It wasn't even a duvet, just a fully washable quilt thing. Dead easy to do.

OchonAgusOchonOh I actually have raised three teens and only one was of 'the compliant, hygienic type'! My point was that whether or not the young person chooses to be hygienic and look after themselves, they should know how to do it before they leave home. I assume your ds does know how to shower, cook simple meals and use the washing machine but prefers not to, unlike my acquaintances daughter who had had it all done for her.

@PegasusReturns

I find it a bit disturbing that these young men have got the end of their teens without learning a bit of self care. I hope this thread acts as a heads up to the parents of 10+. It’s never too early to learn a few basic skills

@viques you don’t have teens do you

Most parents, me included, spent a lot of time teaching basic skills as our DC grew up. They’re all great little helpers when they’re 10. And then many stop.

It’s generally not because teens haven’t been parented effectively and more because teens are self centred and spend a lot of time suiting themselves. It’s developmentally normal.

“You don’t have teens”

Not any more, wipes forehead in relief!

@KateF

OchonAgusOchonOh I actually have raised three teens and only one was of 'the compliant, hygienic type'! My point was that whether or not the young person chooses to be hygienic and look after themselves, they should know how to do it before they leave home. I assume your ds does know how to shower, cook simple meals and use the washing machine but prefers not to, unlike my acquaintances daughter who had had it all done for her.

It wasn't your comment I was referring to. It was the one about how it was terrible that they got to that age without learning these skills.

I absolutely agree with you. They should be given the skills. Getting them to use them is another thing entirely...

Your acquaintance has failed her daughter badly. I actually think that is poor parenting. We all know it's often easier to just do it ourselves but we do them a disservice if we don't teach them life skills.