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Original poster

Pregnant whilst at Uni

65 replies

justneedadvice15 · 17/07/2021 22:52

Hi, just looking for advice. I am 21 years old going into my second year of university. Me and my partner would really like to start trying for a baby, however if i was to fall pregnant in the next couple of month, I would be commencing my final year with a newborn. So i am basically in a predicament as i desperately want a child now but would i be putting too much pressure on myself? I do not particularly want to wait a couple of years to have a child but i also do not want to differ a year either... i dont know if this makes sense but i would really like advice from women who have had a new born during the year of dissertation and women who have planned their pregnancy whilst studying?

OP posts:
userxx · 17/07/2021 22:53

Why the rush ?

nutellamagnet · 17/07/2021 22:55

Having a baby is really fucking wonderful but also really fucking difficult. Finish uni. Then decide what you want to do.

I absolutely get the biological urge for a baby in your arms, but you need to secure a future for you and that baby.

Finish your course then decide.

HiScore · 17/07/2021 22:56

Don’t do it, fight the biological urge and wait a year. Multitasking studying with caring for a newborn is very hard and you’ll have childcare costs on top, as you’ll need time to write your dissertation child free. The first three months of a baby’s life is survival mode, studying will be the last thing you’ll want to do.

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Ju11tne · 17/07/2021 23:01

I cannot advice you on your actually question OP as I've had no experience.

Your too young and I'm going to say it! Aside from wanting a baby do you not want to secure a job and experience? Go on holiday?

How long have you been with your partner?

ThatsNicePet · 17/07/2021 23:05

I had DS at 28 while doing my MA - we’d also just got married and bought a house (busy time for us!)

It was really, really hard - I did a work placement at 8 months pregnant and handed my dissertation in later than planned as DS arrived sooner than I thought he would, so this meant I couldn’t graduate with my coursemates which I was a bit sad about.

I really wouldn’t do it again, although I did get an excellent mark and lots of help and support from my tutors. I didn’t return to work properly until 4 years after I did the MA (did a few part time admin-y roles and had another DC) so it took me a while to get a job I wanted too.

Hen2018 · 17/07/2021 23:07

I was 36 weeks pregnant when I handed in the last piece of work for my MA.

I had little morning sickness and no physical problems.

BUT... going to university once a baby had been born? That would have been dreadful!

MeadowHay · 17/07/2021 23:07

I haven't done this but my DD was born in the middle of my DH's 2yr postgrad course and that was bad enough hah. It was planned but I fell pregnant before he got offered a place on the course, I'm not totally sure if we would have continued trying if it hadn't have happened before then. Obviously he didn't need to take time out - he was allowed 3 weeks off one of his placements (healthcare course) as a nod to paternity leave - but that was hard enough for him, the sleep deprivation and the studying and long hours on placement and just having the headspace to study when you've spent all day dealing with a screaming baby. If he had also been the one who had been pregnant and birthed the baby it wouldn't have worked. Also the main reason I would say don't do it is because people seem to always assume that they will be well during pregnancy and the difficulty will be planning birth and beyond - but that's far from the case for lots of people. I've had hyperemesis in both my pregnancies and have had to take the best part of 3 months off work each time, and I work a sedentary office job (and this time from home). I'm only now close to being back to normal and I'm 28 weeks - but I also now have PGP and sciatica to contend with. Lots of people are unwell during pregnancy and wouldn't be in a fit state to do degree level study during that time and you have no idea of knowing if you will be one of those people. It's just not worth cocking up your degree for when you're only 21. Get your degree sorted and then go for it - which is what I did basically hah. I was 23.5 when I graduated and was pregnant before I was 24.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 17/07/2021 23:08

Why on earth would you do that.

gogohm · 17/07/2021 23:10

Why? Just wait 18 months and have your child after you graduate, take a few months off then start work.

CanIHaveAHolidayPlease · 17/07/2021 23:12

I couldn't think of anything worse. Slight exaggeration but seriously, why would you choose to spread yourself out so thinly?

Fight the urge, there's plenty of time! Yes I know I'm boring..

minimoomoos · 17/07/2021 23:12

But of a stupid decision imho...why not...
Finish uni
Get a job
Work for 2 years and get on a career path/ladder...if only for the option to claim SMP OP.
Don't purposely put yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Oh and get married first too if your not already...

Buttons294749 · 17/07/2021 23:13

I planned to do some studying when my DC was was born but um.. that didn't happen. Its only a year, it will be much more pleasant to have the DCA after graduating

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2021 23:14

Don't do it.

A healthy, in time baby who eats and sleeps well still takes up so much time and brain power.
A fairly healthy baby woth colic or reflux or allergies can feel like it's going to break you.
Twins are really hard work even when you can concentrate solely on them.
A disabled child - see above.
PND is shit.
Recovering from an EMCS or difficult vaginal labour is tome consuming.

You don't know if you'll fly through pregnancy or be on the floor with morning sickness. If you'll bounce back from birth or be in hospital for months with a sock baby.

Being a parent is About making hard decisions. So finish your degree and then try.

StormcloakNord · 17/07/2021 23:20

Jesus Christ no. No no no. Stop being silly. Enjoy Uni while you're at it and stop trying to ruin your life before it's even started!!!

kids don't actually ruin your life but they literally stamp out all types of spontaneity, holidays, nights out etc

SirVixofVixHall · 17/07/2021 23:20

Why are you “desperate” for a baby now ? You are really young, your relationship is still new, you aren’t married, why the urgency?
Doing anything with a newborn is hard. Doing your final year of uni is insane! Wait until you can enjoy having a newborn without such a massive extra layer of stress. Physically and emotionally having a baby is a big deal . You will be trying to work and breastfeed, up all night with a teething six month old while doing your finals, it is the worst possible timing .
Fair enough if it was an accident but why do this on purpose ? Wait twelve months until you graduate and then reassess.

Ju11tne · 17/07/2021 23:20

@SleepingStandingUp you have summed it up perfectly. I absolutely agree.

Runkle · 17/07/2021 23:21

Finish Uni and see where you're at then.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2021 23:28

[quote Ju11tne]@SleepingStandingUp you have summed it up perfectly. I absolutely agree.[/quote]
You can see what kind of kids i had 🤣🤣

And i deferred my OU course when the twins were 2 because i was too bloody stubborn to defer when they were worn and it nearly broke me

Barwell76 · 17/07/2021 23:28

Please dont do this. Finish your degree, get a job for at least 4 years then think about it. Babies are great but they take all of your time and headspace. There is no reason to plan a baby so young.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 17/07/2021 23:29

Why does your partner want a baby so young?

BackforGood · 17/07/2021 23:33

Are you the same poster that asked this a couple of months ago ?

I can't believe two people could possibly think this was a good idea. Tbh, I can't believe even one person would.

You are 21 for goodness sake.
Finish your degree. Get yourselves jobs. Get yourselves somewhere to live. Get some savings behind you and some stability in your life, then think about what you want to do in terms of saving up to buy propery or to travel or to start a family young at that point.

Yes, people do it. That 'manage' when they accidentally become pregnant, but you'd be completely daft to try to get pregnant when 1/2 way through a degree. at 21.

Original poster
justneedadvice15 · 17/07/2021 23:44

No disrespect but no I am not whoever this person is you are on about. And you do not know my personal circumstances. I have my own place, I have a secure job just studying to further my career... and me and my partner have been together for 4 years and have plenty of savings. I am not your typical 21 year old, my question was simply asking for advice on people who have been through it not people who try to belittle my question having no idea how I am financially or personally.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 17/07/2021 23:45

Ah yeah I’ve definitely heard this story before, I’m more sure now the OP has updated.

Oliveandsage · 17/07/2021 23:48

I had a baby this March, 2 weeks before my dissertation due date for my degree (unplanned) and it was fucking horrific I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

Oliveandsage · 17/07/2021 23:49

And I’m 29, married, own home and already had a three year old so the parenting bit was not a total shock to me. Trying to balance essays, a newborn and recovering from a c section left me totally broken

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