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Original poster

Pregnant whilst at Uni

65 replies

justneedadvice15 · 17/07/2021 22:52

Hi, just looking for advice. I am 21 years old going into my second year of university. Me and my partner would really like to start trying for a baby, however if i was to fall pregnant in the next couple of month, I would be commencing my final year with a newborn. So i am basically in a predicament as i desperately want a child now but would i be putting too much pressure on myself? I do not particularly want to wait a couple of years to have a child but i also do not want to differ a year either... i dont know if this makes sense but i would really like advice from women who have had a new born during the year of dissertation and women who have planned their pregnancy whilst studying?

OP posts:

properg · 17/07/2021 23:53

Just finish uni & then have a baby, I don't understand why you would put yourself through that.

Original poster

justneedadvice15 · 17/07/2021 23:56

Thanks for the replies. I asked for advise on people who have experienced a similar situation to get an insight as i am already aware of the pros and cons and did not need the condescending replies when people know nothing of my personal or financial life. However thank you to the select few who did express their personal experiences.

OP posts:

blaisealex · 17/07/2021 23:56

It's only two years until you finish, why not wait? Seems silly not to wait. Two years is nothing. You'll just be making so much more work for yourself by not waiting. Seems silly and not sensible.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Oliveandsage · 17/07/2021 23:58

Both having a newborn and university require your full attention, and you will always end up sacrificing one for the other. I missed out on so many milk drunk baby cuddles writing essays

blaisealex · 17/07/2021 23:59

Just to add, I'm starting a degree this September. My child is three. I wouldn't have even considered it before now. It would have been too much to cope with but now he's three it'll be a lot easier.

user27424799642256 · 18/07/2021 00:02

If someone was that switched on and ready for parenthood they wouldn't be mooting such silly ideas and then throwing a strop when people pointed out it was pretty unwise as ideas go.

GrandmasCat · 18/07/2021 00:04

Don’t even think about it. Wait, for your sake and, most importantly, for your child’s sake.

Oliveandsage · 18/07/2021 00:05

@blaisealex I started my degree with a 6 month old and wonder now what the hell I was thinking, let alone having a 3 year old and a newborn middle of my third year😂😂😂🙄

RampantIvy · 18/07/2021 00:06

I'm sorry that posters aren't telling you what you want to hear. Are you always this stubborn?

DD has just finished her second year of university, and it was much harder than her first year. There was much more work, more assignments and many more lectures.

Posters are only stating the obvious, which is why would you deliberately make life difficult for yourself? Most of us have already had children and know from experience just how much of a mental and physical toll having a baby takes.

Unless you have health reasons why you must have a baby now, it is much better to wait until you have graduated.

Or are you doing a not very demanding degree?

GrandmasCat · 18/07/2021 00:06

Ps, I did it. I half missed all the nice baby months writing essays, being sleep deprived and worrying about nursery fees.

PinkPurpleParade · 18/07/2021 00:09

I fell pregnant accidentally just as I started my final year of uni. Although unplanned I was desperate for a baby and I feel like the pregnancy filled a hole I'd always had in my life from having a bit of a messed up family and poor mental health.

I worked 20-30 yours a week while doing a FT degree, writing a dissertation and taking 6 modules. It was incredibly hard. I lived off energy drinks and 4 hours sleep. I found pregnancy very difficult. I sat my final exams at almost 9 months pregnant and DD was born 3 weeks later (2 weeks late). She was a lovely but difficult baby and breastfed found the clock til she was 1. She coslept as wouldn't be more than 6 feet from me without screaming, and never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time. I loved her but hated her at the same time, til she was about 2.5 years old.

She's 4 now and the love of my life but looking back it was bloody hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sorry OP I agree with advice to wait. Much better to be back in FT employment and get a decent maternity package too.

I'm now 25 and pregnant with my second and in a much better position - own house, secure full time employment with good maternity package, savings, spare room etc. I fell into motherhood last time and although I convinced myself I was ready, I completely winged it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2021 07:25

@justneedadvice15 i get that you wanted people to say they did it and it was fine but no one is going to. There's a reason most people take at LEAST 6 months mat leave, often up to 12 months. Because its hard work. Like, beyond hard. Yes some babies sleep through great but its not typical

Its great you own your own home, are in a secure relationship etc but none of that explains why you can't wait two years

If the dr has told you that there's medical issues and it's now or never then yes, of course go for it, but defer your third year.

Rachie20 · 18/07/2021 07:39

So…I did it and it was fine BUT it was 20 years ago. 20 years ago things were actually a lot more flexible. There were no attendance requirements on my programme, so long as assessments were handed in on time all ok. There were no issues with me bringing DD into PC labs when I needed to use specialist software-wouldn’t be like that now. I had a rubbish pregnancy but DD was an incredibly easy baby and I had loads of recent experience child wrangling due to family situation. No childcare support though, remember leaving DD with a friend who had zero childcare experience to take an exam when she was 8 weeks old. Now, any issues due to pregnancy and childcare and you’d be pushed to take a year out. I was able to carry on and graduate on time even though I spent approximately 6 weeks in hospital.

It was absolutely the right thing for me and in many ways I think starting my first job when DD was 6 months (again, different expectations on Mat leave and childcare 20 years ago) helped me. I didn’t have the same angst, should I go part-time etc. I always had to work round her (as did DH) so we just made it work. Would I actively advise DD to follow my lead-probably not. Things have changed so much and expectations on students and early career staff are so much greater.

Ughmaybenot · 18/07/2021 07:45

I think it would be very foolish indeed to steam ahead with a pregnancy now. The obvious solution is to finish your degree and establish yourself a little more, before ttc.
At risk of sounding patronising, and I really don’t mean to be, you’re so, so young. I’m sure you’d be a great mum but there’s absolutely no rush, and by waiting just until you finish your degree, you’re ensuring a better future for both you and your future baby. It simply isn’t as easy as ‘oh I’ll just carry on with my degree while pregnant/with a newborn’ as so many people have already mentioned.

MindyStClaire · 18/07/2021 09:04

Honestly OP don't do it. Your posts seem to say you see yourself as someone hard working and motivated - don't jeopardise the final year of your degree, give yourself every chance of doing well. You'll be quoting that result on your CV for the rest of your career, give it your best shot.

I've done degrees at your age, professional qualifications while working (harder) and now work with small children (harder again). I signed up for a small professional qualification on my second maternity leave - it was only ten hours a week for a couple of months, I struck lucky with an easy baby that time (I really really didn't with my first and there's just no telling in advance) and truthfully I was starting to get a bit bored. I ended up deferring it almost immediately, it's just so hard to find a decent chunk of time to sit down and do some work when you're home with a baby, and even with a good baby I was still up in the night and so my brain just wasn't as sharp. The difference sleep has is just one of those things you simply can't grasp pre children.

Wait a year. Even better, wait two or three, get a job using your degree, a decent maternity package and a salary that will cover childcare. You'll be glad in the long run.

Manista · 18/07/2021 09:35

It was a fucking nightmare, constant juggling and exhaustion. I would not do it. There is no rush.

Ju11tne · 18/07/2021 09:42

@justneedadvice15

No disrespect but no I am not whoever this person is you are on about. And you do not know my personal circumstances. I have my own place, I have a secure job just studying to further my career... and me and my partner have been together for 4 years and have plenty of savings. I am not your typical 21 year old, my question was simply asking for advice on people who have been through it not people who try to belittle my question having no idea how I am financially or personally.

HahahH OP. Please go and read the marriage threads on here... and let us know. People are trying to suggest and give you some brutal advice for your own good. If you don't want it well you will have to find out yourself... really pointless post if you don't want to consider different opinions to your own.

ShroomShroom · 18/07/2021 09:49

I have studied at uni whilst pregnant and then with a newborn. It was so difficult and I definitely didn't do as well in my studies and I still feel guilt that I wasn't there as much for my DC when they were tiny.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 18/07/2021 09:53

Utter madness.

Don't do it.

Imapotato · 18/07/2021 09:59

I dot think you could give either. Good rearing or uni your all and something would have to give. I’d wait until you’re done. It may seem like forever, but it will go quickly and I’m sure that you’ll be glad you waited. Concentrate on uni, then you can concentrate on a baby.

00100001 · 18/07/2021 11:20

Seems madness not to wait, at least a year.

Your pregnancy might be awful. You might have a high needs baby. You might not be able to return to university.

I really would wait.

FTEngineerM · 18/07/2021 11:25

Don’t do it yah plonker.

You have absolutely no idea how the hormones will affect your concentration, sleep needs or ability to retain information.

I am just writing up my final year project ready for submission 8th September, my first baby just turned 1 in June and I’m due another on 12th September. So I’ve been studying whilst pregnant and studying with a newborn now I’m studying with a toddler and pregnant (and working).

Just wait. Those extra two years will literally make no difference to anything but your mental health. You’re important, give yourself a break.

TravellingSpoon · 18/07/2021 11:30

@justneedadvice15

And everyone who has expressed their personal experience is telling you not to do it!

Somehow I doubt you will listen.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 18/07/2021 11:34

This dilemma seems to be posted about quite often, I don't know if it's you all the time OP or if there are many young women thinking the same but it's crazy when you can just wait short while

Well done on having your own place at such a young age, if you're independently wealthy I suppose you can buy your way out of some of the problems but still not something I'd recommend.

BrunelsBigHat · 18/07/2021 11:37

I did it

Accidental pregnancy in my first year. (Was a mature student, and married homeowner with a career )

Fucking nightmare

Do. Not. Do.it.

Seriously. Fucked my mental health. Felt (and rightly so) that I couldn’t give either the attention it deserved. Took me about 5 years to get that anything like back on track.

The only exception I would say is if you had a degenerative health condition that meant your fertility is declining massively and this is your only chance to conceive. And in that case I’d take a year out of uni.

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