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Original poster

Divorce or no divorce

27 replies

Sayra78 · 15/07/2021 15:25

Been married for over 14 years now and i have 3 kids. Marriage has always been a struggle for us. My husband works 7 days and has 2 jobs. For past 5 years, it feels like we are living our own lifes in the same house. I am sure both of us want divorce but the finincial impact will be too much. What shall i do? I started dreaming of a single life and i am sure he is thinking the same. Feel calm and relaxed when he isn't in the house.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 15/07/2021 15:31

Why is he working such ridiculous hours?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/07/2021 15:33

You can always make more money. You can not get back the time you've wasted being unhappy.

happyness2021 · 15/07/2021 15:45

As above, why is he working so hard? Can't you budget in some areas to get your lives "together" back? You should have a look at the relationship site thegrouphug.com as they have loads about divorce and the impact etc... it's no wonder you are unhappy (both of you I guess) as there is no relationship as such.

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Relationship problems
HerrenaHarridan · 15/07/2021 16:00

If your marriage is at the point you are asking strangers on the internet wether you should stay with your partner... I think that’s probably your answer

Original poster
Sayra78 · 16/07/2021 07:43

We have a huge mortgage of 1300pounds per month plus add other expenses and with one job we will struggle. He has asked me to start lookking for work but i feel looking after 3 kids is more important. Am i being unfair?. I think he has just given up now, feel sometimes he is desperate to leave now. He told his friends, wish he never got married if he knew it be working 7 days to provide.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayra78 · 16/07/2021 07:46

I feel going on benefits will be better for me as well. Some people have it all but for us its always been a struggle. My best friends have suggested to me, being single is great in UK. Call me selfish but i will get the house, so why struggle i say to myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayra78 · 16/07/2021 07:49

I know i am being selfish? He has done his very best but i feel i can do better. Kids are still young and thats the only reason i think i am with him. I wish there was an easy way out

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayra78 · 16/07/2021 07:49

Anyone else in similar situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayra78 · 16/07/2021 07:52

Before anyone jumps to conclusions. I am also doing my best, the child benefit money i get i use it for household things. People say Money is not impirtant but trust me without money all you have is problems

OP posts:
movingadviceneeded · 16/07/2021 07:57

My mortgage is bigger than that and neither of us work 7 days. If you are both unhappy in the marriage then you should divorce, yes.

DinosaurDiana · 16/07/2021 08:02

If you get a job would he be able to have 2 days off a week, or would he still be working 7 ?
If you want to save the marriage I’d say move to a place with less mortgage so he can have time off to spend with the family, and see if that changes things.
If you don’t, split now, but I’m assuming the house will have to be sold as he’ll need a home so he can have the kids.

SD1978 · 16/07/2021 08:04

So you assume you'll get a house he can barely afford now, working 7 days a week, and you refuse to work. Sorry to burst your bubble- you won't. And if you leave he can work less. You're not going to come out better unless maybe you start looking for work.

BeardyButton · 16/07/2021 08:10

Your poor husband. Do you not worry about him? His mental and physical health? By “doing better” what do you mean? A richer man who can provide more? Unlikely!

Downsize or get a job to help pay the mortgage. You and your husband are not a team. And I think if you were to divorce, he’d be the one to “do better”.

brittleheadgirl · 16/07/2021 08:16

Your poor husband, he definitely deserves better.
How can you watch him work 7 days a week and not worry about his physical and mental well being?
I had 2 young dc and was a single parent, I worked, what's your bloody excuse?
I'm honestly shocked that you don't work and let your dh work 7 days, it's despicable.

Definitely spilt up and give him the opportunity who will see him as something other than a cash cow and more importantly let's hope he finds someone who will work and contribute to the cost of owning a home and raising children!

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 16/07/2021 08:19

I agree with pp. I am quite surprised your husband hasn't burnt out working so many hours. Looking after three children is important but many children nowadays have two working parents and are just fine. If I were you, I would help my husband by getting a part time job so he could quit his second job. This might make things easier for you in your relationship.
But to be honest, you sound as if you want everything on a plate by splitting, keeping the house, getting benefit money and staying at home. Unless you have a illness that prevents you from working you are being very unreasonable! We all want to be at home with our children. We all have struggles. But we all have to work to pay our bills too.

tiktoknewbie82 · 16/07/2021 08:22

Why would you be on benefits? And why are you making your husband pay for everything? Your other post you said -"Thanks for the kind advice. I work in the pharmaceutical industry and earn 45k a year. I am the main bread winner for the family"?

Ozberry · 16/07/2021 08:27

Well, a large part of ‘looking after children’ is providing for them financially. I feel sorry for your husband here. He’s working every hour god sends, and then some, and you want to take the house and go on benefits.
Surely there’s a fairer way to divide your family duties?
I think you’ll be disappointed by the comfortable life on benefits you’ve been sold. It’s really not.
That said, the current arrangement isn’t working, is it?

PoptartPoptart · 16/07/2021 08:27

If you divorce the house will have to be sold.
It’s that simple.
Your husband can’t and won’t carry on working 7 days a week to just about manage the mortgage - plus where the hell is he going to live and what is he going go to live on if all his money goes to you and the kids?
Actually, thinking about it, the only person that will probably be better off with a divorce is him - both financially and emotionally, because you sound lazy and uncaring and selfish.

Ifitquacks · 16/07/2021 08:30

I agree you should divorce, as you seem to have nothing but contempt for your husband. There is no love or affection in your post.

Ifitquacks · 16/07/2021 08:30

@tiktoknewbie82

Why would you be on benefits? And why are you making your husband pay for everything? Your other post you said -"Thanks for the kind advice. I work in the pharmaceutical industry and earn 45k a year. I am the main bread winner for the family"?
Ah, a troll.
ivfgottwins · 16/07/2021 08:35

but i feel looking after 3 kids is more important. Am i being unfair?.

Yes

You are being incredibly selfish putting all the financial pressure on him. I'd divorce you if you refused to get a job and expected me to work 2 jobs 7 days a week

IsItTooEarlyForAGin · 16/07/2021 08:37

I call BS on this post

ivfgottwins · 16/07/2021 08:37

I am seeing my husbands Mental health and Health take a huge hit due to the stress

This is from your other thread 6 months ago.....🤔

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/07/2021 08:49

According to the OP's previous thread under this username at the beginning of the year, she earned £45k and her DH £25k. She begrudged paying for childcare. He was already working 6 days a week. Seems she's given up her job and made him get another one.

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy if you ask me: you resented being the main breadwinner when you wanted to be at home so you persuaded him to get a second job/increase his hours so you could leave work. I wonder if earning more than him meant you resented him and rather than him becoming a SAHP, you wanted to be so insisted it was you. The poor bloke is now working himself to death whilst you complain about him. If you don't want to be with him, don't torture him because you think you are superior, just end the marriage and get yourself a job.

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 16/07/2021 09:33

If OP was earning £45k earlier this year and left because she resented being the main breadwinner and her husband had to get a second job. I think that is extremely callous.
I am surprised your husband has lasted 14 years.
You want an easy life on tax payers money OP 'to stay at home'. Newsflash, we all do but we are happy to earn our own money. What makes you think you will get any benefits anyway? You clearly can work. This isn't a free for all you know.