Feel I look too young to have a baby and scared of attention from pregnancy!

[Kjfj]

So I have had a bit of a complex about my appearance for years (since I was 18) I am now 28, basically it’s because I look young for my age. I’m in a committed relationship and we own a house together and are thinking of starting a family. My partner can’t wait to have kids and although I know I want them, I can’t help but feel hesitant because the fact I look young for my age is holding me back! I just cant stop feeling people will judge me and ask me how old I am because I look too young to be pregnant. The whole pregnancy puts me off as I’m scared for the attention I may get being pregnant (I am also very petite so scared I’m going to look ridiculously huge when pregnant) has anyone got any advise or been in my position? Just want to be able to start trying for a baby and thinking positively about it rather than worrying what I think people are going to think of me!

I know I have had the issue for 10 years now so I know it’s not going to suddenly not be a issue for me, so part of me thinks I should just get on with it as I know I want kids and this can’t hold me back from having them surely!

Thank you in advance for any comments and advise!!

Why are you worried about others will think? So what If they think you’re young ?

I looked younger than I was when I had dc. I didn’t combust. A few people said that I looked young but nothing bad.

I know! And that’s what’s so annoying, and my partner thinks its silly in worrying about what people think of me. I just can’t seem to help it, I really don’t know how to not care what people think of me

I doubt people will think that deeply about it. If I see a pregnant woman out and about, I might vaguely register 'pregnant woman' but I don't study her to assess her age. There's nothing wrong with having children at a young (adult) age anyway - there are many benefits, it means the mum is still young when they're grown up and will be around for longer in her adult children's lives.

If you're ready to have kids, crack on! You don't know how long it might take.

Have you ever heard the saying that what other people think of you is none of your business?

You can't base huge life decisions on some passing stranger thinking 'oh, she looks young'. Really, just live your life.

I had my daughter when I was 16 and no one was ever remotely funny/off/weird with me, even when using a discount public transport pass that you had to be under 17 to get

You aren't here to please the general public and nor should you live your life like you are

also maybe you should examine how you feel about and judge young mums, as you seem to be maybe projecting somewhat

"We worry less about what others think of us when we realise how seldom they do."

Or, as my grandad once roared at me when I was a deeply self-conscious teen: "What the hell makes you think anyone's that interested in YOU??!"

I understand that you’re wary about this and you don’t want to attract that kind of attention. But I think ultimately you can’t let that stop you moving on from doing something you want and are ready for. Pragmatically what is the alternative? If you decided to wait another 5 years you may well still look young then. Don’t feel bad about being worried about what others think. But at the same time that can’t dictate what you do with your life. All the best. You may enjoy being pregnant more than you expect. I did.

Trust me no one will care. Sorry if that sounds brutal but can you even remember anyone you walked past yesterday? Other than you, your partner your family, friends and the antenatal staff the fact that you're pregnant and look you will not register. Or if it does it will be a fleeting thought. It's a non-problem.

Pregnant and look young that was supposed to read.

Oooerrr. You seem to be internalising your own judgement of young mothers here really OP.
Which:
a) Actually isn’t very nice and is a bit misplaced.
b) Doesn’t apply to you anyway.

I don’t think anyone is too bothered about other mothers ages - their judgement of you (not that you should be bothered by it anyhow) will be based entirely on how you parent your baby/ act within a social group.

I don’t think people will care or judge you. A woman in my midwife group is 22 and nobody batted an eye. Try not to let it worry you

Thanks for the posts!

I don’t think it’s a reflection on my judgement because I don’t feel I judge others, we have a couple of young mums at work, both my age one with 2 kids and one with 3 kids- one has just announced a pregnancy and I’m really happy for her. And no I don’t judge her so I really don’t know where this thought of people judging me comes from.

Sounds harsh but no one actually gives that much of a shit about you, or anyone else they happen to pass in everyday life. What difference does it make if Random Ron thinks ‘blimey, she looks young’ to himself as you pass each other in Tesco?
Also, if it helps, sleepless nights and baby stress are fantastic at taking the youthful shine off most people, so this may not even be an issue anyway

I should just get on with it as I know I want kids and this can’t hold me back from having them surely!

Well... yes!

Surely!

Otherwise are you then going to worry that people think you're their babysitter/older* sister when you take them out in a pram?

It's unlikely that you look younger than late teens now you're 28 and nobody is going to stop a pregnant person of that age to ask about their pregnancy.

Truly, in the nicest possible way, you should get over yourself. Loads of people are petite and look young for their age (not me, sadly, but my DD certainly does).

*If they think you're the younger sister then maybe you do have problems.

Ughmaybenot

Also, if it helps, sleepless nights and baby stress are fantastic at taking the youthful shine off most people, so this may not even be an issue anyway grin

My compliments

Having children makes you look older in people's eyes.

Honestly though? At 28 there's no way anyone will think you look too young to have a baby. Even if you look very young for your age.

I wouldn't judge you and I wouldn't judge a teen mum. Pregnancy happens. It really is the most basic and essential fact of life.

I think you need to work on your self esteem regardless of this decision.

What makes you feel strong, proud? What builds you up. For me it's my family, friends etc. These things help me care less about what others think and more about being seen positively in their eyes.

Your friends and family would not judge you as too young. If anyone does, it's their sad, bitter little problem. Not yours, not your beautiful future baby's.

As a 4ft 11 woman, I felt exactly the same having my daughter at 26. But the reality is, that other people don't pay as much attention to us as we think they do! That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a young mum. Age doesn't = good/parent

How young do you think you look at 28? Are people at work constantly chucking your chin and cooing at you? You’re 28 years old, I doubt you look younger than early 20s.

Honestly nobody cares. I had a baby at 15 and there were occasional situations where someone would think I was babysitting/big sister. I just said no he’s my baby. They didn’t call the police.

I sort of know where you’re coming from as I had my first at 26 and I looked very young for my age. Someone at work who I knew but not very well said ‘but how old are you?!’ when she found out I was pregnant as if she thought I was much younger-not that there’s anything wrong in being younger but she was clearly insinuating that there was and it made me feel like I was doing something wrong!

I also remember speaking to a lady I’d met at a baby group and she told me she said to her partner about me ‘ she looks really young but when you talk to her you know she’s older’! After having my second child, I never got this because as a pp said, having children soon ages you

I looked 10 years older once I had DC2 - all that sleep deprivation took its toll, so you may be fine

More seriously: Having children seems to invite unwanted opinions from stangers, so the best thing is to ignore any stupid comments and not not worry about others may or may think.

I was once told off by a stanger for covering up while breastfeeding (you've read that right, not for NOT covering up), so whatever you do there will be someone who feels their opinions are relevant.

I used to look young for my age, OP. Don't worry, I can assure you that it won't last forever!
There will come a day when someone thinks you're older than you actually are - and then you'll look back wistfully on this time when you looked so young!

I was 21 when I had my first pregnancy - and looked about 14! A few weeks after my DC was born, I treated myself to a haircut and left DC with my MIL for a couple of hours. The hairdresser was chatting away to me, as hairdressers do, then asked "so, how come you're not at school today?"

I was asked for ID when buying alcohol in a supermarket when I was 37.

I'm 63 now and I look 63 - or maybe a bit older.

Enjoy it while you can, OP!

Just to clarify, you're not worried about people making comments, you're worried about their thoughts?

Can you mind read? If not, how do you know what their thoughts are and how do they affect you?

Honestly people are really not going to give a toss. It probably wouldn't even register to most people how young you look. I was 21 when I had my first but still looked like a teenager, if anyone cared (which I doubt they did) then they never said anything.

I'm 25 now, had another child since then and
am also heavily pregnant with my third - sadly I no longer look fresh-faced. Believe me having young children doesn't half age you.

Back in the 70s when housing was more accessible, my mum was regarded as an old mum at 31 when she had me, and an ancient mum at 33 when she had my sister! People could set themselves up to start a family at a much younger age back then and there were far more women having their first in their early 20s.

I'd give anything for my elderly parents to be 10 years younger now!