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Original poster

Feel I look too young to have a baby and scared of attention from pregnancy!

49 replies

Kjfj · 14/07/2021 09:37

So I have had a bit of a complex about my appearance for years (since I was 18) I am now 28, basically it’s because I look young for my age. I’m in a committed relationship and we own a house together and are thinking of starting a family. My partner can’t wait to have kids and although I know I want them, I can’t help but feel hesitant because the fact I look young for my age is holding me back! I just cant stop feeling people will judge me and ask me how old I am because I look too young to be pregnant. The whole pregnancy puts me off as I’m scared for the attention I may get being pregnant (I am also very petite so scared I’m going to look ridiculously huge when pregnant) has anyone got any advise or been in my position? Just want to be able to start trying for a baby and thinking positively about it rather than worrying what I think people are going to think of me!

I know I have had the issue for 10 years now so I know it’s not going to suddenly not be a issue for me, so part of me thinks I should just get on with it as I know I want kids and this can’t hold me back from having them surely!

Thank you in advance for any comments and advise!!

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 14/07/2021 10:19

At 28 you'd have to more than half your age before i think people would even register anything enough to be shocked or anything.
Do you look that much younger?

BastardMonkfish · 14/07/2021 10:19

Post a 'how old do I look' thread so that everyone can make you feel better about this problem by guessing that you're 57

KingdomScrolls · 14/07/2021 10:20

Don't worry by the time you've got a two year old you'll look your age!

Interested in this thread?

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Families

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 14/07/2021 10:20

If you're 28 now, you're really not that young. Most of the people who'd judge young mothers are from previous generations, where marriage and children in your early 20s was the norm. Don't worry yourself about it!
Plus, having my son aged me overnight :) The tiredness does that!

TheTeenageYears · 14/07/2021 10:22

I honestly wouldn't worry, a family member still gets ID'd now and she's in her 30's. If you aren't ready to be a parent then wait but please don't wait just because you are worried others will judge you based on the way to look. Until you start trying you never know if it's going to be an easy route to pregnancy or a much longer one. How would you feel further down the line if you waited and then it wasn't straightforward?

Isababybel · 14/07/2021 10:28

Dont worry op having a child will age you rapidly
I look quite young too but never once did i hesitate to have dd in case other people judged me
Whenever i answer the door to a tradesman, they ask me if my mum or dad is home...i am 31 married with a child and have owned the house since 2013!! I just laugh it off and know it wont last.
Have kids op and dont waste another thought on other peoples opinions that they probably wont have anyway!

RavenclawsRoar · 14/07/2021 10:29

I know a couple of people who had babies in their late teens and discovered pregnancy had a rather ageing effect- people saw a bump and assumed they were much older! Also once your kids are here you won't retain that youthful glow, especially after 30. I used to look younger than my age (teacher mistaken for sixth former cropped up many a time in my 20s), and I now very much look my age if not older! Pregnancy and babies really take it out of you.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2021 10:31

This is the oddest reason not to get pregnant that I think I’ve ever heard…

Echobelly · 14/07/2021 10:44

Don't worry - I was a v young looking 30 when I had DD; my mum worked at the hospital where I was having appointments and said someone who worked there and saw her with me asked her how old I was when they saw her afterwards. It wasn't judgemental, but they had wondered as they thought I looked very young!

Never crossed my mind to ask if anyone would think I was 'too young' and I never got any sense that anyone was assuming anything about me.

Orangeinmybluelightcup · 14/07/2021 10:45

Dude, don't worry, having a baby will age you five years...

EmpressSuiko · 14/07/2021 10:49

You won’t be judged just for for it! I get told I look young for 32, I had my first child at 21 but I had a few comments but honestly it never bothered me and if anyone comments on how young I look now I always take it as a huge compliment because I hate getting older!
You only get one life, live it the way you want to!

badacorn · 14/07/2021 10:58

Don’t worry about it, it’ll be less of an issue than you think. I don’t blame you for being annoyed though, my 32 year old husband recently got asked “are your parents home?” by someone who came to the door and he was a bit annoyed. We have a baby.

BergamotMouse · 14/07/2021 11:00

Don't worry, having a baby will age you quickly . I was similar, 28 when I had my first, look very young. Now 4 years on I can't stop the grey hair. Honestly, you won't even think of it once you're pregnant.

notasillysausage · 14/07/2021 11:01

I never aged as much as I did when I had my children! Get on with having a baby and looking young might not be a problem anymore

In all seriousness though, you can’t live your life by what other people think. If you want a baby now, start trying and deal with the issue head on IF it arises. I’m sure people won’t bat an eyelid though.

Ariela · 14/07/2021 11:01

@BergamotMouse

Don't worry, having a baby will age you quickly

. I was similar, 28 when I had my first, look very young. Now 4 years on I can't stop the grey hair. Honestly, you won't even think of it once you're pregnant.

It's true!

cindarellasbelly · 14/07/2021 11:04

How do you dress OP? Is this a problem in work? Assuming you don't dress like a teenager, I would have thought if it really bothers you you could choose a hairstyle/clothes that are v unlikely to be chosen by a teenager. I had a cousin who was ID'd in her late 30s, she didn't actually look young in her face (as in she had the normal amount of lines etc you'd expect, not that she looked old!) but she was v petite and a bit of a hippy so had long waist-length hair, and wore loose baggy occasionally tie died clothes. I think that was the main thing that gave the impression she was young.

I don't thin you should care what others think but equally there are probably ways to signal you're your age.

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 14/07/2021 11:04

I had my first at 25 but looked younger - I did have a few people think I was the nanny😅 and Im still being told I look 'too young' to have kids the ages they are. I take it as a polite and friendly compliment.
I think very young mothers aren't necessarily 'judged' but I think people are curious and maybe feel sorry for them. If I see a really young mother I might wonder what her story is and why and if she chose to be pregnant but I wouldn't be 'judging' her if that makes sense.
As a plus once you have a baby you might find you suddenly don't look as young and fresh faced - endless sleepless nights, stress and lack of Caring what you look like aren't great for your looks🤣😂😅

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/07/2021 11:09

You're nearly 30. I seriously doubt you look like a teenager and even if you did, nobody died from some random passing them in the street and thinking something.
By obsessing about it, you'll see it everywhere. Someone will glance in your direction and you'll go arrgghh I look so young and they're judging me when tbh you are of no interest or importance to strangers and will barely if at all even register with them.
That's not because it's you. It's the same for all of us. We don't matter a bit to others and are barely even noticed.

icecreamgirl94 · 14/07/2021 11:10

Who cares what other people think? And so what if you were a young mum, it wouldn’t mean you weren’t a good one.
Myself and DP are 27 but both look younger, late teens/early 20s. DP got ID’d in the pub the other week. We have a 5 month old DS and I’ve been aware of an odd look a couple of times but we couldn’t care less, we’re very happy. Do what suits you and don’t worry about what others think.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/07/2021 11:29

@cindarellasbelly

I don't thin you should care what others think but equally there are probably ways to signal you're your age.

I'm still getting ID'd in my early forties BUT it only ever happens when I'm alone, never when I've got the kids with me. I think the presence of kids triggers people's "old enough" radar.

Etceteraaah · 14/07/2021 11:33

I've always looked young for my age and I definitely did notice some judgements after I had my first baby. The first time I took my newborn out for a walk around the local park, a lady started talking to me about how old my baby was, then she moved onto "you look very young to be having children", "I suppose the father is around still?", "are you managing to financially support yourself?". I was 32, married and with a successful career. I was initially really hacked off at her rudeness and assumptions but then I just realised that her judgements are her issue. I still get spoken to like I'm a child by some older adults, but I just ignore it, and at age 40 now, I'm not going to lie, I was really flattered to be ID'd when buying ibuprofen 😆.

Honestly OP, it really doesn't matter what other people think. If you and your partner want a baby then go for it and to hell what anyone thinks.

LuxOlente · 14/07/2021 13:38

It's unlikely strangers are going to rush over commenting. It's not the 1940s. Or some ye olde days fantasy. You'll go about your daily life and be ignored just like now.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2021 14:29

I used to look young for my age, then I had kids...

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2021 14:29

...and then got called grandma

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