Women in your 50's / 60's +... advice for 43 yo

[Durham01]

Hi everyone,

I'm 43 tomorrow and feeling old. I had a baby in 2020 and I'm turning grey. Wrinkles are rapidly appearing, and I'm knackered. Since giving up breast feeding I've relied too much on wine to get me through the drudgery of looking after an independent energetic little girl in lockdown at the end of each day. Not enough sleep or time to run or wild swim as I used to. Generally feeling tired and old all of a sudden. Of course this past year has been challenging in general too.

I know I often look back at my younger self and wish I could tell her how beautiful / lucky / great she is. At 30 I felt old when of course it isn't. Right now I do feel suddenly old - physically. But I need some perspective. I would love to hear any words of wisdom from ladies who are older than me and have been through this stage. Anyone in their 50's, 60's and beyond - what advice can you give me or do you wish you could give your 43 year old self?

I’m 53. 10 years ago I was feeling fab - I’d just started a new career after returning to uni to retrain. Life did go downhill for a bit, a couple of times, but overall, I’m happy with life.

I rarely drink, ditched the fags a couple of years ago, don’t exercise as much as I’d like, stopped dying my hair and have embraced the grey. Generally, I give less of a fuck what others think of me, and I don’t beat myself up for my “failings”.

Toddlers can be hard work though, and also a joy! My DC is a young adult now and doesn’t live with me any more. Try to enjoy your DC’s childhood more - they grow up so much faster than you can ever imagine.

I wish I’d known how difficult it is to lose weight in your 50’s !
As PP said, I have stopped worrying as much what anyone thinks of me, it’s just a different stage in life.
Like yourself I was run ragged in my early 40’s so it’s sort of a blur but it’s a lot better now. I’m older, but I’m still alive which is a plus 🤪

I’m 58. I’d tell my 43 yr old self to have the hysterectomy, start seriously exercising, give up alcohol, travel, buy a house.
I do all of the above except the hysterectomy and wish I’d started years ago.

Enjoy now, menopause for lots of us is very tough, mine started at 45, then just as I thought it was over at 56, I got nasty hormonal depression well sorted now at 59.
Enjoy your freedom and figure

You have to start looking after yourself as you age. It's essential for your child that you do so anyway. I drink very little and only socially, try to eat healthily and maintain a healthy weight (not obsessively so but try to keep it within my BMI)

I'm enjoying my 50s so far although they have mainly been during the time of Covid. Your field of fucks runs fallow and you feel much more free in my experience.

I would tell myself that it does get easier as the DC get older and not to get trapped in the work/home treadmill but carve out time for myself and my interests.

Im 60 next year how did that happen?

I think it is all to easy to 'lose yourself' during the toddler years, regardless of how old you were when they were born.

You do need to try and ditch a bit of the booze and find yourself time to do a few things for you, perhaps do some yoga at home until you can have the time to get back to your wild swimming (you nutter! , I have a terrible fear of eels, no way would I get into 'wild' water)

I have really enjoyed my 50s, as a pp said, less fucks are given, I am also old enough to fight my corner, say what I believe and dont give a flying fuck if some disagress with me.

You will get back to you, the toddler years are actually very short (then the little sods grow up and give you differant worrie)

Thank you

Prioritise exercise and eating well.

Limit alcohol.

Try meditation

I'm 63 with grown up kids.

To a 43 year old with a toddler I'd say

• take all the help you can get with the toddler
• get all the sleep you can
• remember You and nurture what You like doing
• accept that your child may not turn out to be who/what you expected/planned, and that's fine
• if you have any ideas about changing careers and retraining do your research now. You have plenty of time to become an expert in a new career before you retire.
• get to know your body really well so when menopause comes (and afterwards) you can quickly identify something that's not right for you
• enjoy your stamina

I’m slightly younger than you but also have a toddler and work so can relate. Are you a single parent? If not then why can’t you still run or wild swim? I cycle 50 miles a week. It’s doable you just need to prioritise.

If you need to lose weight do it now! It’s really quite hard to lose weight in your 50’s. Look at your diet and lifestyle and improve where you can. Start to prioritise yourself now and don’t wait. The better you treat yourself now, the easier it will be as you get older.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I just have a lot of people asking me how I still exercise with a toddler. I don’t drink wine and rarely watch tv. It’s a juggle for sure but I make exercise a priority.

I’d say make sure you’ve got a good pension.

I became overwhelmed with pain and anxiety issues after the menopause. I got ill health retirement age 57.

I could never have predicted this in my early 40’s.

Oh and find a form of exercise you enjoy and prioritise it. You will feel much better for it.

Sorry, another one. Nurture your friendships and surround yourself with supportive women. One thing I’ve found as I’ve got older is how awesome other women are and how supportive they can be. You will need these women and they will need you.

I’m the same age as you OP but am suffering the health problems my mother did in her 60s already (decades of eating disorder kind of fucked me physically). One of the main problems I have is with my feet. My orthopaedic surgeon is evangelical about yoga to prevent foot problems many people, especially women, get as they age. So start yoga. I wish I had years ago.

Work on fitness, weight, bad habits.

I have health issues, nothing age related just bloody bad luck and felt fine till menopause kicked in when I was about 49.

Limit the time you spend in the sun, buy the best quality fabric you can clothes wise. Cheap fabric is for the young.

Enjoy it all while you can and stop worrying about age at your age!
Believe me the hands of the clock start to go round much, much quicker after 50.

I didn't give age a second thought in my twenties or thirties. I disliked being 40 but I noticed a remarkable difference after the age of 48.
Enjoy your relative youth.

@Emmazebra how do you do that? We have no childcare. Husband works till
late.

I did do yoga, wild swimming, half marathons and strength training - all before baby. Now I have zero time. If I can shower and wash my hair or put in make up it's a good day.

put *on make up

@Durham01 it's really tough with toddlers. It will get easier.
For exercise, long walks with child in buggy? Dance with child?
I stopped being able to handle the drink in my late 30s. It's really worth stopping. Exchange it for water and you will feel so much better!

• I have an exercise bike plus Zwift (a virtual cycling app) at home that I use once toddler asleep in evenings.

• I currently work from home due to Covid & try to cycle for a hour on my lunch breaks some days. Other days work takes over!

• when I’m in the office I cycle part of the commute some days

• I sometimes take a day off when DC at nursery and “treat” myself to a longer ride

• at the weekends DH and I both get an equal amount of childfree/chore-free time. I use mine to cycle.

• I have a brilliant child seat (called a Mac Ride) so DC can ride with me. Luckily I live in an area with safe cycling routes.

It’s tricky fitting it in but I make it a priority and try to think about the solutions not the obstacles.
Good luck you can do it!