Women in your 50's / 60's +... advice for 43 yo

[Durham01]

Hi everyone,

I'm 43 tomorrow and feeling old. I had a baby in 2020 and I'm turning grey. Wrinkles are rapidly appearing, and I'm knackered. Since giving up breast feeding I've relied too much on wine to get me through the drudgery of looking after an independent energetic little girl in lockdown at the end of each day. Not enough sleep or time to run or wild swim as I used to. Generally feeling tired and old all of a sudden. Of course this past year has been challenging in general too.

I know I often look back at my younger self and wish I could tell her how beautiful / lucky / great she is. At 30 I felt old when of course it isn't. Right now I do feel suddenly old - physically. But I need some perspective. I would love to hear any words of wisdom from ladies who are older than me and have been through this stage. Anyone in their 50's, 60's and beyond - what advice can you give me or do you wish you could give your 43 year old self?

If I could advise my 43 year old self I would shout, 'Get laser hair removal treatments!'

Also, snack less, exercise more and don't idiotically take up smoking again.

I'm 56 and at the moment I look pretty ok actually
I do look after myself but I'm not high maintenance.
The biggest advice I could give is to take time for you , which I know is easier said than done.

The second bit of advice is jump on any creeping weight. Over the years it's easy to think it's only a couple of lbs I've put on, I'll get rid of them soon. However they soon become stones!
Why I'm happy with how I look/ what I do.
I like my hair long BUT I take care of it. I take my hairdressers advice about length , style and colour. I dont want long hair for the cake if it ' dragging' my face down.
I have my eyebrows threaded and tinted.
I have regular chirpodist appointments to keep my feet in good condition followed by a pedicure with gel nails.
I have always looked after my skin since I was a teenager. I've always used suncream on my advice ( I must have read something in cosmopolitan and it stuck). Its paid off
I look at YouTube tutorials to keep up with make up trends ( note the word trends! I'm not a slave to fashion and want to look great for my age and not like I think I'm 22) same with clothes.
I dont drink much, I eat well and exercise. Fund exercise that you enjoy. For me its hiking in the mountains, mountain biking, nordic walking and swimming. My friend loves cycling, swimming and pilates.
My sleep pattern is a bit all over the place but I try to have a regular sleep and wake up time.
It sounds like you still have a lit in with your little girl but one thing that helped me when my children were small was having a good social life with my girlfriends. This meant my husband stepped up and looked after the kids but being with friends and not having to talk about babies was stimulating and fun ( my friends had kids years before me!)
Keep yourself curious and Intrested in what's happening around you with things you've always loved eg music, films theatre. It's easy to have a passion but once you have kids lose it. So many people only have their children to talk about.

Dont try and change everything at once or feel overwhelmed.
Dont feel too down on yourself. It's been a terrible year for many people and not been easy at all.

Good luck and I hope you try out some new ideas. Theres a lit if good advice been given already from people.

I wish I had appreciated how young I felt and that usually I looked really good in real life and in photographs.

I wish I had aggressively pursued promotions and exercised more. And stopped wasting time on men that were unsuitable.

I would say to cut down alcohol and really look after your skin. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables. My only saving grace now is that in the main I've got really good clear skin so I look younger than I am.

You need to prioritise yourself more. I'm not saying you're going to have time to run marathons but if you have a partner they should be supporting you so you have time to yourself.

What a great thread. Good advice thank you

Whatever you do don't be tempted by fillers, Botox etc. It's actually very ageing.

This is a great thread - following for more tips and advice!

The type of skin you have is usually in the genes so all the creams in the world may not help but sleeping well, fresh air walks, drinking plenty of water, laying off the booze and fags and not too much strong direct sunlight will help the aging process.

68 here and had one DC at 38. Make mum friends if you can, then you can have playdates and later on leave your kids with each other, and hopefully remain good mates. Try not to put on weight - its hard to shift when you get older, though being too skinny does you no favours at my age - it really is a choice between your face or your arse. Don't smoke, stay out of the sun (within reason), moisturise, look after your teeth, enjoy yourself and dance your socks off - you are gorgeous.

not too much strong direct sunlight will help the aging process

Skin cancer concerns aside, I think this is also down to genes. I’m 57, go brown really easily, but haven’t really got any wrinkles. One between my eyebrows and that’s about it.

At 43 I'd just had my second baby 20 months after my first.
Find yourself some childcare. I paid for a private all day nursery two days a week for my toddler, and by the time the second was a year she started two days and he went up to three. It made transition to all day reception easy, I got to spend some time just with my daughter, and I got a break from both of them a couple days a week. If you can't afford that maybe do a swap with another mum - you have the kids one morning or day and she another.
I don't understand the 'no time to shower' thing. Just put the baby/toddler in a playpen and have a shower! I managed it with a baby and a toddler every day (and I worked when I had just one so shower and both of us dressed and out the door by 8am). My husband worked away 120 nights a year so could not rely on him.
Exercise the same. If you can afford a gym with a creche, great. Or get up earlier, or do it at home with toddler nearby. Run with toddler in those jogger pushchairs. Or as my cousin with three kids and a full time job: a two hour run every weekend as she couldn't run during the week.
I would also say be kind to your husband and tell him you love him. Mine passed away when I was 47 and that made looking after a 4 and 6 year old 100 times harder (mentally, not just physically) and I think looking back he was not my priority as much as he should have been.

Take up yoga and pilates for core stability, flexibility and joint health and off topic, but v important - pay attention to your pension and top up when you can

My advice at 69 would be:
Look after your body and your health as one day the aches and pains start and don't go away so, once you start getting some me time, cut down on the booze, get yourself back into shape (once you go through the change weights a bugger to shift) and keep flexible - stretching and bending.
Keep an eye on your pension - will you have enough to live on.
Choose your friends carefully and nourish them so you have a good support system.
Finally, enjoy your little family and have fun - make precious memories!

@Livingintheclouds thank you for your advice and I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm 43 like you, but have recently finished the toddler stage yet again. My advice for exercise: get an exercise bike or a cross trainer. I put om DD's favourite music so she can dance or play underfoot whilst I cycle.