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DS16 can’t get up in the morning, could there be medical reason?

64 replies

Justwakeup · 12/07/2021 17:39

I’ve NC’d as my DCs know my usual username and I’d rather they didn’t find this.

I am at my wit’s end trying to get DS16 up in the mornings, and it’s getting to where I’m starting to wonder if I need to consult a doctor. I don’t have time to stand over him and drag him out of bed, but just telling him to get up doesn’t do anything. You can have a conversation with him that he swears later he doesn’t remember, and of course after that conversation he falls right back to sleep. Or sometimes I will ask him to repeat something I’ve just said and he comes back with gibberish. It’s irritating but I just put it all down to normal teenage body clock adjustments.

He has been at DFIL’s doing a job for him (for which DFIL is prepared to pay handsomely) but twice now over a week DFIL has complained to DH that DS has slept till noon, leaving the breakfast made for him to get cold. We are all mortified and I said I think it’s time we get DS checked to see if there is a medical reason he is doing this. DS himself agrees and is worried and wants to see a doctor to find out why he can’t wake up.

Can anyone advise what we might expect, if anything, from going to a GP? Or what he/we can do to break this? I told DS that seeing a doctor isn’t a silver bullet and the answer may just be he needs a rocket up his backside and that can only come from him, but I promised that if there was a medical reason we’d get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
titchy · 12/07/2021 18:21

If he's going to bed with full access to blue screen light there's your answer! No tech for an hour before sleep. It takes that long for the brain to get back to a normal pattern if they've been on a screen I'm afraid.

titchy · 12/07/2021 18:22

@MrMeSeeks

I don’t think this is a normal teen. I was up very early for school, college and work, but Able to lie in when able to, so were my friends. If he’s not up all hours on the phone, gaming and is simply to tired to wake up i would check there is nothing wrong ( i. E iron levels)
I doubt you were on a smart phone in bed though!
FATEdestiny · 12/07/2021 18:22

He usually goes to bed after DH and I do, so I don’t know what time. He would generally have access to his phone, laptop and PlayStation

This will be it. I very much doubt it's anything medical, he's just up on a screen through the night.

Firm boundaries and rules - since he's not mature enough to manage these himself yet.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Stoolpigeon21 · 12/07/2021 18:23

Vitamin D deficiency?

IllForTooLong · 12/07/2021 18:23

Ok let me get that straight.

My teenage dcs wouod also do that IF I had ever let them go to bed at stupid times.
As it happens they dont so can get up like anyone else at a decent time.

He xoesnt have any medical condition. It's also nt being a teenager. its refusing to go to bed at a decent time so he is actually able to get up the morning. Until he learns that he has to get up wo any assitance and that being late/not gwetting up means crap consequences, he wont change (He is also likely to carry on as an adult with all the tales you read on here of men who play games until 3.00am and are then unable to look after their dcs/get up in the am etc...)

wedswench · 12/07/2021 18:24

There is a part of ADHD that makes this happen. Usually they sleep through alarms, phone calls etc. Does he have other traits? On its own I'd just say normal teen

IllForTooLong · 12/07/2021 18:26

btw yes there are mnay reasons why a teen could be tired.

But if they had low iron levels, thyroid issues and whatnot, they would ALSO be so tired in the evening that they would in bed at a decent time.
As far as I am conerned he first need to go to bed early, at the very least at the same time than you.
If he is still tired then, then yes take him to see the GP

Horehound · 12/07/2021 18:28

If youbooked him something that was really interesting to do would he get up for that? Like if you said "I bought you a car!" Or "we are going to Disney world tomorrow, you have to be up at 8am"...what would happen?

InflagranteDelicto · 12/07/2021 18:32

You're describing my teen perfectly! He also has adhd & autism and even as a toddler, his natural sleep time was stupidly late. I really feel your pain trying to get him to.

earlydoors42 · 12/07/2021 18:33

I had glandular fever about that age and couldn't get up for the bus to college. I only found out later through a blood test that said I'd had it at some point and worked it out. My mum used to despair of me!

Namenic · 12/07/2021 18:38

Yeah - I think removing electronic devices and cutting off WiFi at 10pm would be beneficial. Cut out caffeine (coke, Pepsi, energy drinks, coffee past noon). Physical exercise during day.

MadMadMadamMim · 12/07/2021 18:39

I suspect that if you told him the only times he could go on his Playstation were between 7am and 9am every morning and after that it was locked away for the rest of the day that he would manage to set his alarm and get himself up for that 2 hour slot.

He does sound typically teenager - but presumably he's relying on adults repeatedly calling him and making him get up to do things (school, helping GP) that he doesn't necessarily value as absolutely vital for him to accomplish at that time.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/07/2021 18:43

May be just typical teen stuff but I was like this as a teen and my Mum used to get really exasperated with me and I went on to be diagnosed with all sorts of autoimmune conditions- my first one was hypothyroidism aged 20 and then a small harmless pituitary tumour aged 25 and then Addison’s disease and lupus aged 34. (If you have one autoimmune disorder you tend to develop more). I am convinced I had them all bubbling away for a long time before I was diagnosed. I remember my 18th birthday crying in the toilet because I felt so tired and so just “old” and my whole family were fed up with me just being so tired all the time.

careerchangeperhaps · 12/07/2021 18:46

I think the fact that he goes to bed later than you at an unknown time and has access to his devices has probably hit the nail on the head. Can you check logs on them / your router to see what time he's accessing them until? If he's staying up into the small hours, of course he doesn't want to wake up until midday. It would be like someone who goes to bed at 10 being woken up at 3am!
The fact that you said it's been an issue for several years makes it less likely that it's a serious medical issue as something would probably have come about by now if he was seriously ill.
Investigate / remove the devices for a week and if no joy, see the GP just in case.

Wotrewelookinat · 12/07/2021 18:47

17yr old daughter the same, she has always functioned and studied better in the evening/at night and hates the morning. Will stay up til 1am and be like a zombie in the morning, but she does manage to get up early if there’s a good reason. 16 yr old DD is completely differently and up early every day!

TotorosCatBus · 12/07/2021 18:50

What time do you and your h go to bed? What time does he have to be up?
My ds goes to bed at 10:30/11 and is up at 7:30. He has an alarm but doesn't need me to wake him.

MotherofTerriers · 12/07/2021 18:50

How about a sleep app on his phone? It would show when he falls asleep and if he is sleeping soundly. It might show something - for example he may be falling asleep later than he/you think, or something may be disturbing his sleep during the night

lljkk · 12/07/2021 18:57

I loved the aspect of being a teenager = sleeping like the dead.

EverNapping · 12/07/2021 18:58

I was like this, my dad had to turn my bedroom light on all the way & have a conversation with me. Then he needed to call up about 15 mins later to check I was awake. Alarm clocks wouldn't wake me.

I got one of those light up alarms widen I moved out & that along with getting older helped.

I'm nocturnal if I'm not working for more than a week.

Tangledtresses · 12/07/2021 18:59

Mine is the same! Gets up for holiday job.... rest of the time surfaces at 1pm

It's being a teen...

Greybeardy · 12/07/2021 19:03

My brother had similar. Got as far as my parents paying for private inpatient sleep studies because he was that desperate to be able to stay awake and they felt sure there was a medical problem. Turned out he wasn’t so desperate that he wanted to tell them about the teeny-weeny tv he’d bought himself and was watching all night! Problem easily solved though!

ChiefInspectorParker · 12/07/2021 19:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

bringincrazyback · 12/07/2021 19:08

@IllForTooLong

Ok let me get that straight.

My teenage dcs wouod also do that IF I had ever let them go to bed at stupid times.
As it happens they dont so can get up like anyone else at a decent time.

He xoesnt have any medical condition. It's also nt being a teenager. its refusing to go to bed at a decent time so he is actually able to get up the morning. Until he learns that he has to get up wo any assitance and that being late/not gwetting up means crap consequences, he wont change (He is also likely to carry on as an adult with all the tales you read on here of men who play games until 3.00am and are then unable to look after their dcs/get up in the am etc...)

@IllForTooLong you don't know that, and I think it's really unwise to be so dismissive.

The OP's DS may or may not have a sleep disorder, but if he does, standard sleep advice simply does not work a lot of the time. If he has a circadian rhythm disorder (which I hope he doesn't, but feel is worth exploring), going to sleep/waking up at certain times is hardwired to an extent, and external sleep/wake cues don't wholly solve the problem, because however tired the body is, the body is hollering that it's not time to go to sleep/wake up when everyone else is doing so.

I'm 53 and I've had delayed sleep phase disorder all my life. I can be bone tired, practically dropping on the floor from exhaustion, in fact during the work week I frequently am. I go to bed about 9 p.m. most evenings, and regardless how tired I am/how active I have been/how early I got up, it's a rare evening that sees me asleep before 1 a.m. at the earliest. Normally between 2 and 3. And I get up around 7 most weekdays by necessity.

But if they had low iron levels, thyroid issues and whatnot, they would ALSO be so tired in the evening that they would in bed at a decent time.

If he does have a sleep disorder then it's not necessarily as straightforward as that, for the reasons I explained above. He could be exhausted and still be unable to sleep. Standard sleep advice that works for normal sleepers doesn't tend to make much difference if someone has a CRD.

OP I'm in no way assuming your DS has a sleep disorder, they're pretty rare and I hope he doesn't. It's a frustrating thing to have because there's not a lot that can be done to ease them. But if it's not something you've ever looked into before, I think it might be worth it. This bit of your opening post in particular is why I think so:

You can have a conversation with him that he swears later he doesn’t remember, and of course after that conversation he falls right back to sleep. Or sometimes I will ask him to repeat something I’ve just said and he comes back with gibberish.

This is me most mornings, without the falling back to sleep part, unless it's the weekend. lol In fact, DH knows not to tell me anything he needs me to remember until I am fully awake, because the chances are I'll forget it.

Circadian rhythm disorders are extremely under-diagnosed by GPs - they are rare, so I don't think much space is allocated to them in GP training. I've been fobbed off by GPs who don't know I had a formal diagnosis of DSPD from a sleep clinic in 2002. Told sleep is just a 'mindset', that it's psychological, that they just need a better bedtime routine or whatever. For some/many people this will of course be true, but not all, and I wouldn't necessarily take a GP's word as gospel on this subject.

IMHO it's statistically more likely he's just a night owl (or possibly needs his thyroid tweaking) than has anything like DSPD, but I hope my thoughts are of some help either way.

purplecorkheart · 12/07/2021 19:14

I would be advising him to get his bloods checked including vitamin D level, Hba1c, Checked for glandular fever, iron, white bloods cells and Thyroid bloods as a first step. Sadly I know of teens who had their symptoms dismissed as being a typical teen sadly it was something more serious.

Jent13c · 12/07/2021 19:18

My friend's son was the same as a teenager. Just an absolute nightmare to get up and very grumpy/foggy on mornings when he did get up earlier. Then completely out of the blue when he was 23 he had a seizure. Another one followed 6 months later and now he is on epilepsy meds for life. Turns out the docs think he was having seizures at night and then in the morning he was in post ictal phase. So yes could be absolutely developmentally normal/could be screens/could be late bedtime but worth a checkup if getting worse.