Feeding a toddler is more soul destroying than I could have imagined.

[JofraArchersFastestBall]

I've just served my 3yo a plate of lovingly prepared pork and veggie ragu with carefully separated pasta and peas on the side (as if anything is mixed there's no chance of him eating it) and he's said 'I don't like that, I want real food'

I really like food, I'm a decent cook and I really try to prepare things I think he might eat. I was so smug when he was a baby because he'd eat anything and I could make sure he wasn't having any salt/only free range meat etc etc. Now all he wants is sausage and chips or beans on toast.

He's not too bad at eating veggies (albeit a fairly limited range of carrots, peas, sweet corn or broccoli) and will eat all sorts of fruit. But he's so fussy with meat (only really eats sausage or ham) and I struggle to get him to eat anything with protein really - no cheese (unless on pizza), no eggs, not much other dairy, no quorn, no fish, no pulses. He doesn't like anything in sauce. His diet is so repetitive and beige!

Every day I cook simple, healthy things and serve them alongside the things he will eat, but it's so miserable just putting it into the bin (or, because I can't bare that, eating it myself!) His 1yo sister is also very influenced by him - so she's almost as fussy 😩

Have you had fussy toddlers who have miraculously come out the other side? Or is this it forever? Maybe I should just buy a freezer full of oven chips and stop wasting food and time.

I think it gets worse to be honest. My 5yo ate anything at 2 but she is quite fussy now but is very good with things like fish that other children might be more ropey with. She has gone off pasta though and doesn’t like sauces. My 2yo just picks at things like a bird. She is currently just ignoring her lovingly prepared dinner but has just decided she’ll eat it from her sister’s plate.

There is a direct correlation between time spent making a meal and the liklihood of child eating it. I find if I were to do bread with butter on it, it would be devoured- a meal that takes a while to prep and cook though, no bloody chance. That's why now I cook the same for us all (or DH cooks half the week) and its less disheartening as its not wasted effort as we are eating it too.

I used to put mine in front of the TV so shoot me at a little table and put the food in ramekins (so not touching) and they would eat far more than they would sitting at the dining table, where they had the time to focus on what they didn't like. Or I'd do the ramekins while I was telling them a story. Anything to take their mind off the fact that I wasn't serving what they'd ordered!

My 3yo has just left a Happy Meal untouched (other child is autistic, McDs is our Monday treat, and the only time he will imbibe meat) and asked me for a cheese sandwich. Toddlers are bonkers.

@HollowTalk

I used to put mine in front of the TV so shoot me at a little table and put the food in ramekins (so not touching) and they would eat far more than they would sitting at the dining table, where they had the time to focus on what they didn't like. Or I'd do the ramekins while I was telling them a story. Anything to take their mind off the fact that I wasn't serving what they'd ordered!

One of my kids is neurodiverse and cannot sit still at a table so I generally serve tea in this way. My kids get lots and lots of lovely intensive interaction from me in many other ways so I refuse to feel shit about it.

Now all he wants is sausage and chips or beans on toast.He's not too bad at eating veggies (albeit a fairly limited range of carrots, peas, sweet corn or broccoli) and will eat all sorts of fruit.

That isn't that unhealthy tbh. You can just mix and match all those things on alternative days and he will be fine.

He won't still be eating like that at 18.

Less choice on the plate.
Get him to help cook.
Cut out magazines and stick food items to paper plates.
Ime all good ideas!!

A friend of mine give her toddler her dinner in a little bento box style plate, with the pudding too.

She eats it all up. Genius.

www.ecosia.org/images?q=toddler%20plate%20bento%20box%20wood%20suctiom#id=786B7A76DBB88EFAF99C121ACAD8C7A96ACF1944

My DS was fine until he reached 4 then he suddenly stopped eating pretty much everything, it really was/is soul destroying. He’s 11 now and slightly better (I mean, he’ll actually eat a few vegetables now rather than none but he’s restricted to carrots, peas, sweetcorn- but not on the cob , parsnips and broccoli). He used to adore hummus as a baby/toddler then suddenly developed a hatred and hasn’t touched it since. He’d happily just eat things like pizza, beans on toast and cereal 24/7. Luckily loves most fruit so that’s something but my god is he fussy. He won’t eat any sauce either so he eats everything dry. At McDonald’s he just has a burger bun with a slice of cheese in it!

I have 1 rule with food. They must try it and it’s not spat out.
DS 4.5, has gone through stages of only eating carrots and no other veg to now eating all but green beans. He’s never been a massive meat eater but whatever is put in front of him must be tried. Even if he tried chicken, for example, 5 nights ago. I’ve never cooked different meals for us just adapted his when younger (no salt.)
On the other hand I’ll never make him eat it all if I feel he has had enough as I don’t want any food issues. If it was me I’d be getting him to try 1 new thing each time along what he does it.

After a fussy DD I thought I was lucky for the 1st couple of years of DS life.

And then he got fussy and actually dd did not seem as fussy an eater.

He's 6 now and it's not really any better. He has strong reactions to quite a few common foods, almost a phobia.

He actually eats well at school although the things he does get there is things he would eat at home. Although a couple of days a week he does have pack lunch- he does actually eat sandwiches now thankfully.

Eldest is actually trying more and more now and her taste buds are developing so I hope he gets better.

But it can be soul destroying.

If it's any consolation, OP, my toddler eats far less variety than yours and not the super healthy kind. Only meat he will eat is ham (depending on mood) or bacon... Vegetables? Only when hell freezes over he will touch those. Fruit? Only mashed.
Currently he loves crackers with cheese spread on them. Give it a week and he will be hating those too.

I have given up on the idea of perfect meals and I am just going with the flow because as you said it's soul destroying.

As a side note, according to my mum I was a nightmare for years in terms of eating my food. I guess I am now being punished for it! What goes around comes around!

Food can be a very emotive topic for people. Try to separate the emotion from it. It doesn’t matter to him whether it’s been “lovingly prepared”. Try to think of it as fuel. Toddlers aren’t too bothered about variety. They like samey, reliable. It’s all a phase. I was a picky kid. I’m better now

It doesn't get better 😭

OP I could have written your post almost word for word, it’s so disheartening! DD3 was getting to a point where she was rejecting anything unless it was fish fingers, chips and beans. We’ve had a couple of rough rides recently where the foot has come down but she had homemade chicken curry with mixed veg tonight willingly and without complaining so maybe just hang in there and hope for the best! We did fajitas last night with ramekins so she could pick her own and savoury pancakes before that with little success, it’ll probably be different if I offered that tomorrow wouldn’t it 🤦‍♀️😂

Yes I had a very fussy toddler who now eats everything

Simple food, no sauces, no pressure, always 1 “safe” food on the plate, and breathing deeply

I used to occasionally feed him a meal of scrambled egg, plain pasta, and chopped bananas as a tot or bread and butter, a slice of ham, and some chopped carrot

He now makes his own sushi and loves food

I feel ya.
ungrateful monsters.

My son had a saying at that age. "Dinner is not food." He just wanted snacks all the time, and if i tried to serve him a proper meal he would just ignore it. He has got better (now 5) at trying things but perhaps even picker about what he will and won't eat a plate of. Sigh.

Ughhh mine is like this, shes 2 and a bit. She eats: pasta, potato waffles, fish fingers, chicken nuggets, baked beans, tinned spaghetti, bread and butter. That’s it, as far as ‘dinner’ foods are concerned (and some of those are pushing the definition of dinner). Snacks: oh yes! Fruit: by the bucket! Cereal: yum yum! Actual proper food: nope. I often offer proper food (Bolognase sauce, potato wedges, a bit of meat, egg) alongside known safe foods but it’s a complete waste of time, she literally picks it up off the plate and hands it to me saying ‘no’ before she’ll touch anything else. It is totally soul destroying.

The answer for me has been to only cook 'proper' meals a few times a week. The rest of the time I aim for something that is nutritionally balanced but that only takes 5-10 minutes max to prepare. So cheese/ham/chicken sandwiches with sweetcorn and carrots on the side. Or cold chicken with plain pasta and boiled veg (all cooked in the same pan). The rejection of my risottos, stews and fancy pasta dishes doesn't hurt so much if it's only 3-4 times a week .

Thank you for all of your replies - I feel less alone, if not necessarily more hopeful!

I wouldn't mind as much sticking to the 'no fuss, no pressure, always serve one thing they'll eat' approach, if he'd just have a taste of the other bits. He treats most food I've cooked as if it's poison and has been known to cry if it touches his chips/plain pasta/boiled veg 😭

I've never been judgey about other peoples parenting - but I used to be confused when people complained about their kids diets and wonder why children's menus were so bland and samey. I just thought if you only offered your kids healthy foods then that's what they'd like. But I'm just so keen for him to eat something that I'm happily buying potato waffles and wishing he'd just bloody try a bit of chicken nugget...

Honestly they go through these years of beige food... or bread or some other crap... but they get better and hungrier over time
Don't stress or make it a battle... serve food if they don't eat it fine, yougurt and fruit for pudding. I don't send to nit give any snacks after 3 pm tea/dinner at 5.30

I follow a few people on Instagram for this. Veggies and virtue and feeding Littlies. They are American so some info isn’t relevant but some of their advice is so good.

My two take aways are the ‘love it, like it, learning it’ portioning. Basically one item of food from each of those on the plate. I use the words learning to like it with DD.

The other is the division of responsibility. It is my job to provide healthy tasty food and it’s their job to eat it. I don’t force and I don’t react to how much they leave. Mine were horrified when I started. ‘Aren’t you going to make me try more?!’. Their power was gone!

I have 2 year old twins and tonight has just nearly broke me. Butternut squash cheesy pasta sauce - previously devoured, one of them shoves about 3 massive mouth fulls in and then declares she is done, the other one totally refused to even try it and sat in the chair crying for 20 minutes non stop

Before bed she ate nearly a full big banana, a baby bel & a small bowl of shreddies.

The more I prod her to eat the less likely she is to eat anything so I have to just take a step back. Drives me bonkers 😢

I have to say I eventually put food down with toddlers and older kids. If they ate it they ate it, they didn't they didn't.

I say with my food next to them and just let them get on with it.

That's that if they didn't eat it. If I engaged them them knew to fuss and kick off.

Sort of that's what's for dinner attitude, this isn't a restaurant.