Feeding a toddler is more soul destroying than I could have imagined.

[JofraArchersFastestBall]

I've just served my 3yo a plate of lovingly prepared pork and veggie ragu with carefully separated pasta and peas on the side (as if anything is mixed there's no chance of him eating it) and he's said 'I don't like that, I want real food'

I really like food, I'm a decent cook and I really try to prepare things I think he might eat. I was so smug when he was a baby because he'd eat anything and I could make sure he wasn't having any salt/only free range meat etc etc. Now all he wants is sausage and chips or beans on toast.

He's not too bad at eating veggies (albeit a fairly limited range of carrots, peas, sweet corn or broccoli) and will eat all sorts of fruit. But he's so fussy with meat (only really eats sausage or ham) and I struggle to get him to eat anything with protein really - no cheese (unless on pizza), no eggs, not much other dairy, no quorn, no fish, no pulses. He doesn't like anything in sauce. His diet is so repetitive and beige!

Every day I cook simple, healthy things and serve them alongside the things he will eat, but it's so miserable just putting it into the bin (or, because I can't bare that, eating it myself!) His 1yo sister is also very influenced by him - so she's almost as fussy 😩

Have you had fussy toddlers who have miraculously come out the other side? Or is this it forever? Maybe I should just buy a freezer full of oven chips and stop wasting food and time.

Beans on toast is a pretty decent meal if you use the low sugar low salt beans as well. Mine loved beans on toast.
Also a winner was a picky plate chunks of ham,cheese, pitta And then fruit chopped and cucumber maybe a cold chopped up sausage or bits of chicken.
Bolognaise? Stuffed full of blitzed sneaky veg?
Fish fingers beans and mash
Chicken nuggets but with peas/carrots and new potatoes?
Don’t worry it’s hard they do get better and it’s harder when they go from eating all the lovely home made weaning food like sweet potato and haddock to basically one meal!

All sounds v familiar OP. Mine are teens now and have come out the other side. I remember getting stressed over their fussiness between the ages of 3-11 having been so chuffed that they were eating a wide range of food as babies.

They now eat a much more varied diet than I did at their age so I think early exposure to a range of tastes does pay off eventually.

We are now in the "Instagram/TikTok"years where not a week goes by without them asking for some random ingredient to make a dish they've seen online. Thankfully they are happy to cook which is also rather welcome.

My advice would be to try not to make it too much of a battle although I appreciate that this is easier said than done when you're in the middle of it.

Like someone else said, what worked for me was just always having snack plates with the different sections.
Mine would turn their nose up at a meal, but if the same meal was served in one of those with the other compartments filled with fruit and veg that they like, they'd eat it all.

When my eldest was 18 months old he was so picky. Looking back I think he was having some teething problems and some sensory issues as he is still a bit creeped out my certain textures but at the time it was so upsetting and I cried a few times!

Someone gave me this 'recipe' at a playgroup - an egg, a banana and two tablespoons of flour. All mashed up in a bowl. It makes two toddler sized pancakes. She said there are worse dinners than an egg and a banana.

It got me through some tough days!

When my youngest was then a little difficult at the same age I used this 'recipe' a few nights a week during teething or 'assertiveness' and it just took the pressure off. They are now 9 and 4 and eat mostly everything and anything.

I agree with a PP about distraction and time away from the table. I did this a fair bit with my youngest as he would absent mindedly shovel anything into his mouth when watching something on a screen.

Also small bowls and sticks. My kids eat anything if I put it on a stick. Youngest wouldn't eat ham or any protein I could put in a sandwich - I cut into small strips and rolled it up securing it with cocktail sticks and it all disappears.

Both mine love prawns but the only way I could get youngest to try them was on sticks from the bbq first!

I also had a strict rule that if they don't eat their broccoli/whatever veg is on their plate there is no pudding and I stick to my word! It was ok if they didn't want to eat the veg and they knew that but the thought of no pudding afterwards was enough to get them to give it a go usually. Now again they eat any veg.

I also remember reading that they have to be offered a particular food at least 20 times before they view it as an accepted food' I tried to remember this and keep serving up meals they would turn noses up at. Eventually they just started eating more. I also tried to serve up something they weren't keen on with two things I knew they ate and would only put a very small portion on of those things so they would ask for more (say rice) and I'd be able to say 'of course, you can have some rice when you've had one bite of salmon' That has worked well with getting them to try small amounts of new things.

I have to say that the youngest has been less bother purely because he watches his older brother eat most things so it encourages him to do the same.

All kids and families are different so you need to do whatever works for you ultimately.

Good luck. I always used to think well they'll move out at some point if nothing else

I'll get flamed for this but I lie to the kids about food all the time.

Roast carrot sticks are orange chips (also works with sweet potato and squash)

Unicorns picked the magical carrots for them to eat (or superheroes / bing / peppa or whoever if flavour of the month)

oh you don't like omelette, lets try fritatta instead, it's like a special pizza.

meatballs are squishy sausages, eggy bread superhero toast ...

It usually works quite well

If it makes you feel better, he sounds like he eats well compared to my DS! It is stressful and soul destroying, totally get it.

Yeah it does get worse. 4 year old DS basically eats plain pasta, plain rice, rice cakes and dry Cheerios and Rice Krispies. We keep trying though! He tried a raw pepper yesterday and I couldn't believe what I was seeing! (Didn't like it obviously but at least he tried!)

Don't stress or make it a battle... serve food if they don't eat it fine, yougurt and fruit for pudding

This is my approach too. It can be infuriating and they go through stages, yesterday my 2 year old point blank refused to even try scrambled eggs.... they've always liked eggs up to now. My 4 year old has suddenly decided they hate carrots but will happily eat tomatoes which he used to despise. I have given up allowing myself to get upset about it as it just isn't worth the energy and they all go through fussy stages. I serve a meal and if they don't eat it, no problem but it's only fruit, yoghurt or bread and butter as an alternative option, I don't cook anything else. They're not amazing eaters but they will now eat things like bolognaise or curries and I'm sure it's because they've been repeatedly presented with them even if they've refused to eat it. Our parents generation had a "take it or leave it" approach and to be honest, I think it's the right way as long as you're not forcing them to eat if they don't want to.

I will get veg in by putting a peeled carrot down by the computer while they are gaming. Or whatever it is.

I find they eat healthier options in front of a screen.

When they were little they were allowed to take the grown up option from my plate.. ie. the food I wanted them to eat but they would refuse if on their plate.

Eating did get worse, fewer and fewer choices to give and lots of moaning. I looked up their requirements...they were getting enough by giving from the range they would eat and that made it less stressful.

They had to swap to school lunch as they refused to eat anything else in a packed lunch. (Used dla to cover the extra cost)

Eating out was shit for ages with an allergic child and an autistic child.

Try not to stress. They are eating fruits and vegetables
There is protein in lots of things in small amounts. If they eat cereal and milk you might be most of the way there.

We are coming out the other side of this. We went to an NHS Feeding Clinic when DS was 3. It isn’t for everyone but we did the following:

-no snacks, 4 meals a day
-one meal for everyone that was ‘reasonable’ and had one good DS did like in it
-no dinner, no pudding
-no arguing or cajoling, if DS didn’t want to eat that was his choice
-Get DS to help prepare food where possible

It really worked, but took months to improve.

DD (3) has definitely got a lot better since she changed nursery and gets cooked meals.

At home she’s hit and miss, we have relaxed a lot though. We don’t cook separately for her so if she doesn’t eat dinner that’s fine- she’ll have a piece of toast or bowl of cereal later on.

When we really want her to have a decent meal, it’s spag bol, sausages, fish fingers/ waffles or beans. Like you, we were all about BlW with avocado but she likes what she likes. She has plenty of fruit and some veg so I don’t think it’s something worth worrying about. I’m not once for forcing a clean plate or making her eat veg if she doesn’t fancy it, as I just think that backfires.

We did ‘monkey plates’, usually works a treat. Lots of different things on a sectioned plate and they pick and choose. Cheese, chicken, ham, peas, crackers, fruit, salad…whatever you have in the pantry! After a while they started choosing the less desirable option on the plate (would always sneak something in).

Hidden veg sauce! Carrots, Peppers, courgettes, bit of spinach, tomatoes and anything else you can sneak in there. Then add a spoonful of it to their baked beans, spaghetti hoops, use it as pizza sauce, etc. I used to freeze small squares of it in ice cube trays. Homemade baked beans are also easy to make but you have to start by sneaking just a few in to the tinned ones and gradually increase because they know the difference!

There's a mixture in our house- our first was ruined in the creche, I wish they'd never introduced him to sausage and chips and pasta as at 13, it's still more his staple. He'll eat and sandwiches, salads and fruits but dinners have always been a battle. We had one who turned Fussy at 3 and now eats anything but is fussy on fruit. Another who came out the other side and eats well but doesn't eat breakfast without serious cajoling and another who we're stuck for for school lunches and is a mixed bag for fruit or dinners. All ate nicely prepared nutritious meals as toddlers then refused everything except stupid pasta for a while. Weirdly the healthiest is our eldest who hates dinners. Best of luck OP and try not to get too down about it, hopefully it evens out or you get some good advice but do remember a good breakfast and lunch and then fruit, yoghurts, cheese, etc ... they all contribute as much (we tell ourselves this all the time lol!)

So much helpful advice here, non of my toddler mum friends seem to have trouble feeding their kids so it’s reassuring to know that there are people out there having similar problems!
@Twilightstarbright when you say 4 meals a day, how do you time that fourth meal or do you keep it to a schedule? Some days DD could do with a bit of something around 10 but if we have a long busy day out she’s asking for dinner at 2/3pm. I do avoid snacks as much as possible but keen to know more about this fourth meal.

DS 2.5 used to eat everything and has become fussy recently. He will also eat painfully slowly which drives me mad although obviously I don’t show it. I find it so so frustrating. I was a ridiculously fussy eater for years and actually rang my mum to apologise yesterday as I realise how demoralising and stressful it must have been.

A couple of things that are helping here:

• involving DS in food prep, even if it’s just some washing of veg or stirring of the sauce before it goes on the stove. Even better if it’s a full recipe. He’s much more likely to try and eat stuff if he’s helped make it.
• substantial snacks when distracted (out and about, doing an activity, in front of tv if necessary). If he’s distracted he’s much more likely to gobble down a couple of meatballs or a slice of omelette than when he’s at the dining table and the focus is on food.

I agree with the poster who said try for healthy home cooked food 3 times a week and beige rubbish 4 times a week. Less soul destroying and less wasted food - but you're still giving him the chance to become less fussy and not just giving in to wall to wall beige.

Also, act as if you couldn't care less whether he eats anything or not.

@livingwithbees we do breakfast at 8, lunch 1130/12, a tea meal at 330/4 and dinner as a family 530/6.

I could have written this- I like to think about the diet a rich medieval child would have had-much much worse than potato waffle and chicken every night.. It makes me feel like I am winning! (When I am definitely not).
We just do ‘dinner’ (at table, together, proper grown up food) twice a week (which he never ever eats). The other days I give him dinner food at lunch time and have sandwich style food at dinner with a carby snack for dessert (sometimes a packet of breadsticks! He chooses🤷‍♀️)

Try to avoid preparing separate meals. It’s less heartbreaking! I tend to serve the same or elements of whatever me and DP are eating. I might add some veg stick or toast with the toddlers if our whole meal isn’t suitable, but I don’t prepare a fully separate meal. And if she is being quite picky a screen does help! Also means me and DP get a more relaxed meal. For example tonight we had pan fried fish and steamed mix veg (we low carb some nights). So the toddler had some fish, the veg and then I served some pita bread with hers for a carbohydrate. Last night we had a garlicky green bean pasta. Toddler had a portion of this with a couple of extra raw green beans and some cherry tomatoes and grated cheese.

I've found they key is to put very very little on their plate.

Toddlers don't actually need to eat huge amounts and if you put too much on it can overwhelm them.

I literally put one spoonful of everything on the plate and then let them eat what they want. New sauces/flavours get put in a pot and called 'dip dip'

If they like something on their plate they can ask for more of it, as long as they have tried a little bit of everything else first. Even if that's just one pea or half a boiled potato.

They get a good multivitamin as well

Urgh, my DD is like this at the moment so I've had to get inventive. She'll eat pesto pasta until the coins come home so I'll chop up some veg and mix it all in so she doesn't see it (she'll only eat boiled veg on its own...), I also grate a carrot into her beans on toast for extra veg. She's also quite clearly pushing her boundaries at home (she'll eat pretty everything on offer at nursery) so if she pushes her plate away, I don't make a fuss and either ignore her or just say "okay", shrug and carry on with my dinner. 9 times out of 10 she'll pull her plate back and start eating. On the rare occasion I fall into the negotiating, I warn her if she doesn't eat her food, mummy/daddy will and knowing she hates to share her food, that usually gets her eating too. It's an exhausting minefield!!

[quote Twilightstarbright]@livingwithbees we do breakfast at 8, lunch 1130/12, a tea meal at 330/4 and dinner as a family 530/6.[/quote]
Thanks, I shall give this a go! I’m quite anti snack but DD has been struggling a bit recently on just 3 meals, I have no idea why it didn’t occur to me to do a ‘high tea/low tea’!

There’s also the battle of her eating so well at her childminder/nursery…I asked recently if they have trouble with her eating and trying new things at lunch and was treated to completely blank expressions and ‘she eats everything here’ facepalm

Modern parents seem to be in thrall to their toddlers in a way that seems unbelievable to my generation!
I had my DC 30 years ago. I didn’t have snacks or “beige food” in the house, so they weren’t an option. I served healthy home cooked meals with no alternative- if they didn’t eat them, fine, they could go hungry.
When they were very young I admit I did play a game to encourage them to eat vegetables.
They could leave everything except the Queen of the broccoli, for example. The only way to identify her was to put each floret in their mouth and chew it. I did “posh” angry voices for each piece -
“How dare you chew me, you horrible little girl, I am Prince Broccoli!”
“Spit me out at once, I am the Captain of the Queen’s guard!”
The DC never twigged that the Queen was always the last piece they ate, and they chewed and swallowed all the other broccoli pieces with relish in defiance of the voices telling them not to!

By about the age of three they were happily eating a very wide variety of foods. At the ages of five and six I took them to France and they excitedly chose snail crepes from the menu!

Ds1 was horrendous - he would only eat Hipp alphabet pasta/spaghetti bolognese, mackerel pate sandwiches, occasionally nuts /strawberries/tomatoes

Apparently you need to offer things continually (at least 7 times) before there is a chance of them trying it

So I’d recommend starting small - lots of meals offering 1 extra thing. We resorted to telling him that he had to try it before he was allowed pud.

He’s still not huge on meat (likes bolognese sauce, chicken and fish) but is a veg MONSTER - can easily have 10/11 portions a day at weekends. Carbs are adequate, won’t eat potatoes unless they are chips/crisps but will eat nuts, bread, cereal

We’re now going through similar with DS2 🤦🏻‍♀️

Stick with it, it will get better