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Original poster

Ruckus with neighbour last night, would you avoid or go and make peace?

55 replies

Awkwardispute · 12/07/2021 08:59

Last night a neighbour two doors down was having a party, they were watching the match indoors but had loud music blaring out from his car on the shared drive area for hours - so loud it was practically just booming bass and inaudible. His guests also took to standing in our porch (which backs on to our living room) to make phonecalls and being generally very antisocial.

Eventually at gone midnight me and OH went outside where some other neighbours were gathering (equally pissed off at the noise) and we were gesturing to him to turn it down but he just shrugged. He turned it off for no more than two minutes then when we went in he put it straight back on at the same volume.

Unfortunately at this point OH lost his temper and went out shouting that if he didn't turn it off he'd rip the stereo out of the car and break it, he's had enough, the noise is upsetting our child etc. He swore.

This is out of character for OH who is generally conflict avoidant, but after putting up with it for hours he ended up having a meltdown (he has autism but the neighbours obviously don't know that)

The music went off and we were finally able to go to bed but I'm feeling quite awkward about it all today. We've never had any problems with the neighbours in all of the years we've been here.

WWYD? Avoid the neighbour (not easy) or have a chat now everybody has calmed down?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 12/07/2021 09:44

I would never dream of apologising.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 12/07/2021 09:44

No, good for your husband. I hate that people use football as an excuse to ignore common decency.

Original poster
Awkwardispute · 12/07/2021 09:44

@SpeciminA

Honestly I don’t know how you waited that long, especially if your DS was crying. If my child was upset and couldn’t sleep I would have dealt with it hours before you did anything…
We were quite reluctant to go out to be honest as he had a house full and they were all drunk and rowdy. Me personally, I was concerned that if we did say something they'd kick off with us Blush

It just so happened that OH couldn't take it any more and let rip. I've never seen him like that toward somebody else before.

OP posts:
Twoforthree · 12/07/2021 09:47

If you see him again I’d just ask him if he had a sore head the next morning with a half smile. Followed by a matter of fact “you were rather noisy” if I thought I could get away with it without him getting aggressive.

I’d be fuming inside really, but best to keep the peace. I certainly wouldn’t apologise though. I wouldn’t go out of my way to find him today either - just next time you see him have the conversation above.

newnortherner111 · 12/07/2021 09:49

I expect the party was a one-off and there is no need to apologise at all.

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 09:56

OP,

No apology from you necessary.

They entered your home by standing in your porch, which some would find very threatening.

Kindly, you sound too passive.

You need to continue to be pissed off.

Your husband kept his cool for a long time.

If my child was crying because of noise, I wouldn't wait for my husband and I certainly wouldn't think he was unreasonable.

You sound unreasonable in this.
Your poor child crying and your poor husband.

Your neighbour is a disgrace and you need to stop being a wuss.

Coming into your porch is outrageous.

You need to support your husband.

I wouldn't look at that neighbour again and I would be tempted to report him for having people at his home that entered your property.

SpeciminA · 12/07/2021 09:56

@Awkwardispute yeah I understand that, people can be quite intimidating, I think I would have just lost it myself! Definitely don’t apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong. I hope your neighbour apologises to you.

Cottonheadedninymuggins · 12/07/2021 09:57

Your dh is not the one to apologise. The out of order neighbour is. If anything your dh showed that it won't be tolerated before he begins his next neighbourhood disturbing party.

Original poster
Awkwardispute · 12/07/2021 09:58

@billy1966

OP,

No apology from you necessary.

They entered your home by standing in your porch, which some would find very threatening.

Kindly, you sound too passive.

You need to continue to be pissed off.

Your husband kept his cool for a long time.

If my child was crying because of noise, I wouldn't wait for my husband and I certainly wouldn't think he was unreasonable.

You sound unreasonable in this.
Your poor child crying and your poor husband.

Your neighbour is a disgrace and you need to stop being a wuss.

Coming into your porch is outrageous.

You need to support your husband.

I wouldn't look at that neighbour again and I would be tempted to report him for having people at his home that entered your property.

I can understand where you're coming from.

I was passive, but in my defence I'm 6 months pregnant and confronting rowdy drunks (who could possibly be on other substances) seemed too risky.

OP posts:
Loudestcat14 · 12/07/2021 10:06

Don't you dare apologise – HE should be the one saying sorry to everyone who lives in your street. If you let him off the hook he'll just think he has license to do it again, whereas this way he knows everyone is pissed off at him and might think twice.

cashoncollection · 12/07/2021 10:08

Good on him for giving them a rocket.

They should be apologising to you.

There’s a saying ‘if you talk shit expect to get shot down’ and it applies to all kinds of behaviour. Your neighbour went far too far.

MuthaFunka61 · 12/07/2021 10:09

You weren't being unreasonable nor were you being a wuss.

The full responsibility for this incident lies squarely on your neighbours shoulders,not yours.

BonnieLisbon · 12/07/2021 10:15

I agree you were in the right and they were in the wrong. Asking politely didn't work so your dh was driven to shouting which did work. Having music booming from a car and standing in your porch is ridiculous

toocold54 · 12/07/2021 10:18

They should be apologising to you!

The majority of people have school or work in the morning and not everyone watches the match so they should have been more considerate. In their defence when you’re drunk you don’t realise how loud you’re being so they probably feel like idiots today and will hopefully apologise soon.

BonnieLisbon · 12/07/2021 10:21

I wouldn't apologise. They need to know it's not acceptable to do that again

Thewiseoneincognito · 12/07/2021 10:21

Don’t apologise to scumbag neighbours OP. Your OH did nothing wrong

billy1966 · 12/07/2021 10:32

I understand you made the best decision you thought at the time, particularly being 6 months pregnant.

Be clear NOW.

Your neighbour is a disgrace.
Your husband was correct.

You should report this.

YOU felt afraid in this situation, in YOUR home.

It is NOT on to enter your porch.

DO NOT apologise to this scummy neighbour.

Flowers
TiddyAndFletch · 12/07/2021 10:36

I think you were right not to take risks with a houseful of drunks, irrespective of your pregnancy.

You say other neighbours had come out - perhaps you could enlist their support in speaking to him once he's sobered up - surely in the cold light of day, he knows that the level of disturbance at that late hour was unacceptable.

IntermittentParps · 12/07/2021 10:38

You don't owe them anything. Fuck em. It's they who should be feeling awkward.

Original poster
Awkwardispute · 12/07/2021 10:48

Thanks all, no apology will be forthcoming from us. Hopefully the neighbour is feeling a bit of a twat today and apologises himself.

Like I said on the previous page he did come and knock on the door after OH let rip but I didn't want OH to engage with him any further last night so asked that he didn't open the door.

OP posts:
Terhou · 12/07/2021 11:10

His guests also took to standing in our porch (which backs on to our living room) to make phonecalls and being generally very antisocial.

I'd have told them to fuck off and/or called the police.

Divineswirls · 12/07/2021 11:12

Do not apologise

Original poster
Awkwardispute · 12/07/2021 11:13

I was considering calling the police about the noise disturbance but I didn't think there would be much chance of anybody coming out, what with the game being on and the inevitable trouble everywhere after.

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 12/07/2021 11:17

I’m with everyone else.
Don’t apologise. I’d just wait it out and see how things are over the next few days. I imagine the neighbour will be feeling embarrassed if all other neighbours were out too.

SirGawain · 12/07/2021 11:19

Good for your DH. You owe dickheads like that nothing; least of all a apology.